Anxiety about returning to work

[1sttimeunicorn]

Hi
I am so anxious about returning to work after a year on mat leave.
My DS was born after I lost three previous pregnancies between 9 and 12 weeks over the course of 4 years. I went through all these losses in my current job. I’m not sure if maybe that’s clouding everything and making me feel worse as I had some very dark times in those years.

I go back to work soon and tbh I’m finding myself getting more and more anxious about it. I’m returning full time, and I’m not sure how I will cope.

All I can envisage is being exhausted, missing DS, and feeling sad. I did enjoy my job before mat leave but tbh it all feels so insignificant now. My boss is supportive but not emotionally intelligent AT ALL and I don’t think any ‘bad days’ will be tolerated so I’m going to need to fake it til I make it.

Does anyone have any tips on how to cope in those first few weeks going back?

I've gone back part time and was dreading it cos I've loved my time at home with DD.

However, I've really enjoyed seeing people, having grown up conversations and wearing nice clothes. In fact, I bought myself some new clothes as a way of cheering myself up and it really worked. Is there anything you care about that you could buy/do that would give you a boost?

More broadly though, is this the right job for you as a mum? I think you need to untangle whether this is just back to work blues, that will pass, or whether you don't think this job will work for you now.

Hi @Rainatnight thanks for the reply. That’s encouraging that you have enjoyed aspects of work.
I’ve got myself some new clothes to cheer myself up, might buy some new stationary too.
There isn’t really any prospect of me working part time in my current role, but maybe a different role at the same company might be possible.
But (and this is part of the problem) my DH is not supportive of me working part time, he works full time and is the main bread winner, I earn less than half what he does, but seems to want me to work full time because he has to? If that makes sense?

How is the running of the home going to work and nursery drop offs/pick ups? Is it all going to be shared equally? Do you feel supported by him in that regard?

If not, and you are going back full time, then that needs to be sorted as a priority.

Hm, that's quite a strange attitude. You're a family now, so there's some money to be earned, some childcare to be done, and all of that just needs to be divided up in a way that works. There's no logic in being so rigid.

Does he do his fair share of housework, childcare etc?