Hi there,
Not sure if this is the right place to post but looking for some feedback or advice.
My Aunt passed away suddenly at 53 beginning of December last year. This came as a big shock espically as I did not know straight away she was in hospital and then later found out she was in intensive care.
The reason I did not know was because of difficult family relationships and her son (my cousin). Long backstory.
Due to his unpredictability and abuse in the family we do not have contact . He lived with my aunt so we could also not have contact with her by visiting or even by phone.
I have had counselling in the past due to him as aside from the abuse to various family members (mentally and physically) I was abused by him when I was early teens.
he has repeatedly come to where we live despite him knowing he is not welcome. Police have been called or notified many times though cannot do very much .
I am ashamed to say I did not visit my aunt in hospital initially through fear of having to see him though I was not aware of how serious the situation was until a week later, I got up to see her as soon as I could .
Meanwhile things had taken a bad turn and I see her the night before she passed. I had planned to go up again first thing in the morning but got the call early hours of the morning to say she had passed away.
I called my employer a little later that morning to notify them what had happened. I was off that day but due to work the next day and explained I would not be fit to work the next day as too upset, was just about holding it together on the phone.
they said they would see what they could do regarding cover .(I work as a care worker going to clients homes) They later let me know they had managed to cover my shift. I expressed my thanks.
The following day I didn't feel ready to return in a days time and they basically told me I couldn't have the time off as they needed me in and I couldn't keep taking time off (i had had a bad couple of bouts of illness recent to that).
I returned to work and burst into tears just after visiting my first client. I really struggled through the remainder of the week and was not sleeping and eating .
The anxiety also of him was affecting me on top of the grief and shock of losing my Aunt .
I went to the doctors the following week as was finding it all very hard to cope and was signed off of work for a bit over two weeks.
Work were not happy about this and more or less said I had let them down espically with Christmas coming up.
I spent the time off feeling I could not grieve for my aunt as the anxiety of my cousin and the situation was getting to me and on top of that feeling guilty and like crap (to put it politely ) for being signed off work.
Shortly after I returned to work they had me go to a meeting regarding time off sick to ensure I had not gotten signed off just so I had the Christmas period off and that it was down to grief. This upset me deeply and If im honest i still have a bittertaste regarding it. But thought for sake of my job to put it let it go.
Through any discussion of my aunt passing or the situation they have not said they are sorry for my loss or expressed any condolences. They did not understand why I benefited from being signed off for my grief and kept repeating she was not immediate family.
Now my Aunties Funeral has finally been arranged (very very delayed due to difficult circumstances ). I have to let my work (who did not know I had not even had the funeral yet) it has now been arranged for in a little under two weeks.
I feel sick with anxiety as I know we will have to see my cousin and he has already expressed to another family member he plans to try to talk to me and build a relationship again. I know any communication he will use as an opening to come to our home.
This is aside from the fact it's going to be such a distressing day after the circumstances of my aunt and length of time .
I am due to work just the morning the day following the funeral, the day of would be a normal full day (rota not set yet) . I honestly don't feel I will be up to work following the day of funeral . I know anxiety will be through the roof and from experience of recent family member funeral the upset will effect my ibs .
In light of how they handled my Aunt passing I'm wondering how to word that I would need the day of funeral off and following so two days ? I am more than willing to use holiday or take it unpaid whichever is most appropriate. I don't expect it off paid. It's how to word this request?
Sorry for the very long post any advice greatly received
Xx