Looking for some fresh perspectives as am going round in circles...
I should start by saying this is possibly the most first world problem ever. I am very lucky! But somehow that doesn’t stop it keeping me awake at night...
I have a “high powered” job in central London. Earn a lot. Very interesting. Very stressful with lots of responsibility. Hours are long and it’s not unusual to be in the office at 1 or 2am or doing similar at home after kids go to sleep. Have been doing it for well over a decade and been very successful/ promoted to a senior role.
I also have three young children. Eldest boy is in school. Work have been great during my pregnancy/maternity leaves so that part worked well.
I am now struggling with what to do. Despite officially going part time I am still finding my job quite overwhelming (and despite all the chat about work-life balance the reality is most of my colleagues at my level are full-time men with a lot of support at home). My husband also works in a hard-core hours good-money job so we are struggling to find enough life capacity to keep things ok on the home front despite a lot of paid and family help.
The obvious answer is to leave and find something less intense. But - so much of who I am is caught up in my work, and I am good at it and (mostly) enjoy it. I am quite scared of stepping away into something more “normal” where expectations would be more manageable but I might be a fish out of water or get frustrated/bored. I am also so tired and (frankly) burned out that the thought of making a change is scary. I am a bit worried that I will quit and spend a couple of years watching Netflix and eating Kinder Bueno and pissing off my nanny (who I suppose I would also have to fire which would break my heart as she is wonderful and part of the family). Or equally scary is the thought of having to engage with the job market- which would probably be harder than it might seem as I have been in my job so long that I am not particularly transferable except into equally or nearly-equally tough situations. (I worry about leaving, taking a massive salary cut and then working nearly as hard... which is more or less what has happened by going part time). Part of me also knows I am my own worst enemy when it comes to working too hard...
Feel torn and confused. Want to spend more time with the kids but I am rubbish at home-making and being a SAHP is probably not for me (though I think it can be a great choice for men or women who want it). The mountain of him tasks I would have to confront if I didn’t have work as an excuse is a bit scary too. Don’t know how to get a part-time and/or lower stress role that will still feel like something that suits the “me” that historically was very career oriented and successful, and got a lot of satisfaction out of my job and my workplace and the people there.
Argh! First world problems, as I said...
Hoping there might be some mumsnetters who have navigated something similar and have ideas/tips/sympathetic noises!