Work has made me sick - help!

[libbylove]

Hi - first post! For 18 months since I went back to work after a secondment I've had nothing to do. Maybe half an hour of work a day. It's soul destroying. I escalated it multiple times to different senior managers over those 18 months and nothing has happened.

I can't seem to get another job, inside or outside my company, no matter what I do - unless I take a pay cut, which I can't do as DH had to take a cut last year and we're already running at a loss. I get asked what my "family situation" is etc and while I know that's illegal, I'm mostly applying for jobs at small companies and it's my word against my interviewer's.

So, this week it finally got to me, mentally, and my doctor signed me off for over a month. But I'm already thinking about what I'll do when I go back. My self esteem has taken a real bashing over all this, to the extent that is stopping me from even applying for new jobs. I feel like I used to be a really valued and ambitious employee but done I had my toddler three years ago they just don't want me any more. If they did, they'd give me work to do right? And every time an interviewer says "but what have you done RECENTLY?" I don't know what to say.

I suppose I just want someone to tell me what to do. What do I do during my sick leave, and what do I do overall?

I don't have any advice. But do you have a mental health service in your area?
A friend works for the NHS assisting people in work who need help in their job when it is affecting their mental health, including helping them find alternative employment

Gosh that sounds woeful. I’m sorry, don’t have any suggestions. Just letting you know someone who is listening is commiserating. I really something can happen so the situation looks up.

I was in your exact same position this time last year, without wanting to out you, I'm guessing civil service employee?

I have no words of advice other than don't sell yourself short. KEEP applying. Someone will see your potential. What're you doing with your 'work' day? Have you looked into online courses, or volunteering? My previous employer allowed to to go and volunteer a half day a week as a recruiter for a charity.

I got a new job after four months of constantly applying. It's brutal, but it does get better. I promise. You won't be stuck there forever,

If I were you I would use your sick leave to focus on you, you, you!

• do a self audit if your skills, work out what you want to do longer term, what you enjoy, what you're good at.

• Scour websites like indeed.com and CW Jobs, look at job profiles and try to match your skills to vacancies out in the marketplace.

• If necessary, if you feel there is a skills gap, do some free online courses, or get onto YouTube for fee tutorials eg Excel, Word PowerPoint, general packages like that

• start from scratch with your CV - out with the old, in with the new. Use templates and advice online about a short, crisp and impactful CV with your most important job experience, to showcase your skills.

Do you have an HR department? If so, when you return to work, try connecting with HR and explain what's been happening for 18 months. It's a disgrace you have been so under-utilised for so long without anyone taking ownership. You need to take a stand. Sometimes a secondment can mean when you return to your original dept everything has moved on and the actual job doesn't exist. Normally they would have made your redundant, but instead you have been forgotten.

I am in a very similar situation, but have trapped myself and not even been applying really because I'm worried no one will want me.

Some good advice from PPs that I'll be trying to follow. I think keeping going and being persistent is the main thing.

Thank you so much everyone - this is all great advice. It's very frustrating because I have a great track record and know that I'm good at what I do but it's very niche and there are not many options in my city. I need to think about my transferrable skills but the problem is that transferring to another industry would involve a pay cut!

Plus @ihateyourcarpet - you're spot on. And smaller employers think I'm going to be too institutionalised. They might be right, to be honest.

I've had a cold call from a recruiter so I'm hoping that might work out. It doesn't happen often! DH is in sales and gets recruiters coming at him all the time - it's so frustrating! He only took a cut because he was scared of being out of work and took the first job offered to him. Hopefully he'll get a new job soon and take the pressure off a bit.

I was in a similar situation to you but a year down the line I think that the only thing holding me back was my self image. I wasn't applying for jobs because I didn't think I was qualified and I wasn't being positive about myself in interviews and I clearly wasn't coming across that well. I think the way you're feeling will be impacting everything else around you.
When you apply for small companies tell them exactly why. You want to work for a family company because you want to grow with the company, you can go the extra mile because you love the work etc. That's how I got my job and my employer has said that all he wanted was someone who wanted to work for a small company for those reasons
I really hope you manage to find something op. Sometimes it feels like a bottomless pit doesn't it

Libby I thought as much! In which case I was in the exact same situation. Like you I got nowhere talking to superiors, HR, etc. It’s horrific how common it is in the civil service to keep jobs ‘open’ with no work to actually do. It’s so demoralising

What I ended up doing (I’m not sure what the non forces equivilant is) was talking to the learning and development people. They recommended courses, etc. If I intended to stay.

To fill my time when at work, I volunteered (I can’t 100% remember the policy, but it’s really encouraged and got me out of sitting around the office bored). Even if you just find something fun to do. It doesn’t have to be geared towards finding a new job. It’ll help you feel like you have some sort of purpose again.

As well as that, I did my CIPD level 3. Obviously with no work to do, I did it full time and finished within a couple of months. If funds allow, or even a free course, you could easily do something similar.

We all really want to help you! I know how awful it is, I spent days sobbing on the living room floor so depressed and feeling worthless and without purpose

Without wanting to pry - what sort of salary do you need to be earning? Maybe between us we can think of a retraining option or something.

Oh. And when it came around to interviews, I was honest to a degree about my current situation.

So in my CS ‘job’. I was given two pieces of paper a week to input onto a spreadsheet. However in the interview, I discussed it without mentioning the frequency, talked about spreadsheet design that I had been doing as part of a free excel course and then talked about outside of work projects as they related more closely to the job I was applying for.

While I wouldn’t normally encourage people to bend the truth, your reference from them will be the bare minimum. I’m sure between us we can think of a way to make the truth of what you’ve done lately sound more appealing to an employer.

Thanks again! I'm on a fairly decent whack - just under £40k. That includes money/allowances accrued over the years, which I'd lose by moving sideways within my org.

I work in a largely project management role, but on really specialist projects that require creative input. The bottom line is I'm really computer literate, but lack any other tangible transferrable skills. The most difficult thing is that while I could get a project management role elsewhere, I'd lose the amazing creative part of my job and I really hate the actual project management! But I'd rather do that than what I'm doing at the minute, ie nothing.

A colleague mentioned that I could Jayvee get work in the charity sector, and I will explore that. The more time I spend out of my toxic workplace, the better I'm starting to feel about myself and my abilities. My doctor has done me a real favour!

We're all rooting for you Libby. Let's hope this recruiter has some good news!

Have you planned much for your time off?

Thank you @carpet! I'm not quite sure how much I can or should do when on sick leave, but I'm going to join and gym and spend some time with my toddler. And probably try to contact some recruiters! I'm a little worried about getting spotted out and about, but the reality is that when I'm not at work I feel fine. It's work that's making me depressed.

Don't want to be too harsh here, but you say not being at work makes you feel fine and that work makes you feel depressed. You also should remember that work helps you pay the bills and there are probably thousands of people who would love a job at £40k.

As others have said, you have a good opportunity to review and reflect and perhaps part of that reflection should be looking at your outgoings. If you and your other half are struggling on two good wages (I assume (compared to the national average)), then take a step back and review what is really important in terms of outgoings every month. As someone who spent many years helping people in debt, turns out they don't need the latest iphone, the best tv packages, new cars or even takeaways five times a week. I am sure you will say you are careful with your money but I am sure there are ways you can reduce your outgoings. I have seen hundreds of people who reduced their spending, who still manage and who can also "sleep at night".

A change in job / career will probably do wonders for your health and as long as you, your partner and children are healthy, other things are not so important. My partner and I have had several job changes with reduced incomes (and even a period of unemployment). We got through it and the experience has shown us how to live within our means.

And save money on a gym, take your toddler for walks instead - you will be amazed how good and cheap fresh air is.

Good luck.

Hornsea I don't think OP is saying 'work' makes her depressed. It's the lack of it. Going to a job and sitting on your arse all day doing nothing is incredibly depressing. It really eats away at your self worth.

OP - don't worry about seeing seen out and about. You're signed off work due to your mental health. It's hardly like you've called in sick with a broken back and are going snowboarding! You need to get out and about to improve your mental health. If money allows, I'd even consider a holiday!

Have you had any luck with recruiters yet?

How're you getting on OP?

Hi @carpet. Not good really. You're right, it's the whole not doing anything. I really do feel worthless, and that's not been helped by finding out that our workloads on my little team are being halved for the next financial year. How can you halve nothing?

The fact is, @hornsea, that like most people we live (lived) to our means - in a moderately pleasant (not posh!) area. Our means changed when my husband took a drastic pay cut last year so no, we don't eat out, go on pricy holidays or own any new tech. Our car is 12 years old with a huge dent in it. My gym membership is through the council - I've recently lost a huge amount of weight (a quarter of my body weight) and my kind GP used my old weight details to get cut price membership, to help me get the rest of the weight off and to help with my mental health. Nursery fees take up over a quarter of our income after tax (and I've explored all the alternatives, which aren't cheaper) and the mortgage and bills take up another third. A lot of the rest is going on petrol/transport, suits for my husband (who's lost a lot of weight), clothes for my toddler, and let's not mention all the family weddings and funerals and memorial services this year because it'll drive me crazy. I'm ignoring the leaking roof window and rotting porch door at the moment, too.

To cut back further we'd need to sell our house and move away from our friends and community. That's an option I'm currently considering, because today yet another GP told me to quit my job for the sake of my mental health.

It's so difficult knowing I'm the main breadwinner and that if I can't handle this, my whole family will be adversely affected and our lives will be completely uprooted. It's a lot of pressure. I know I'm not the only one in the world and that these are first world problems but they're still problems.

I've contacted my union today and they're going to escalate it higher up. My sick leave will be up soon and I feel like it's a ticking time bomb. I'm hoping that when I go back, it'll be to a full schedule. Even half full would do.

I thought I was the only one who felt like this - I have enough work for about an hour each day, otherwise I am just sitting at a desk, waiting for the odd visitor and monitoring an inbox. I feel like the most useless human being on earth.

I really hope things pick up for you soon.

Oh Libby I get where you're coming from, I really do. Have you discussed a 'phased' return with your GP? Half days may make it more bearable!

I really wouldn't encourage you to move away from your support network though, especially with a young child. Equally, you need support for your own mental health.

Did you look into whether or not the CS would fund some training so you could maybe move to a different area?

And I'm not going to pretend I know a great deal about it, but is a mortgage holiday a possibility?

I was signed off work a few years ago and my GP suggested he put as the reason “work related stress” it certainly grabbed the attention of my employer. Has your employer contacted you at all about whether they can help you back to work?

Hi - I want to thank all of you for your support and thought I'd do that by updating you all!

I went back to work and right from day one had no work to do. It was really hard. I escalated it again when I got back and was really frank about my reasons for being sick but nothing was done.

So, I've got a project management job somewhere else! No creativity, as I mentioned above, but I'd just reached the end of the bloody line. I start a week tomorrow and am currently using up my leave.

I don't know if I'll like the new job or even find it interesting, but handing in my letter of resignation was bloody amazing and I'd recommend it to everyone - as I immediately knew I was doing the right thing the moment I handed it in.

They let me go with three weeks' notice instead of three months, and then I found I had two weeks of leave to use. So I effectively left my job of nearly 12 years with one weeks' notice. Nobody from management turned up to my leaving drinks or signed my card. I could have let this get to me but I've actually realised that it's quite liberating. They don't care about me - I was just a number. So I don't care about them!

Thanks again everyone. I think posting here made me realise I was at a real crossroads.

Oh Libby! I'm so happy to hear this. I've thought of you often, and I'm so glad everything has worked out for you.

Fuck the lot of them. You're meant for much better things than sitting twiddling your thumbs

Thank you so much Carpet! You were so helpful. Onwards and upwards, hopefully!

It really will be Libby! I promise

Let us know how you get on!

Good luck op! I really hope you love this new job.