A new job with more money (which we need) or a baby (which we really want)

[P45orMATB1]

I have name changed and I’m sorry this is so long**

I really don’t know what to do....I’d really appreciate everyone’s take on my situation and your advice.

I’m 34 (almost 35).

DH and I have been married for two years and now both feel ready and want to start a family.

However, my DH is self employed and his business isn’t making as much as we hope it will in the future. It’s all extremely stressful for him (and our relationship tbh - as anyone who is married to a self employed DH I’m sure will appreciate) but, we are hopeful that things will turn around soon and I guess it’s all part and parcel of being self employed. That said, we are worried about money a lot of the time.

Other finances wise; we are lucky enough to own our own home (with a mortgage!) but, we do not have much by way of savings following the house purchase. I’ve been saving for future MatLeave (for whenever that may be) and have managed to save around 3k so far but that is all I have to my name cash wise. DH’s savings are also similarly modest after various business expenses. I think it’s fair to say that we live pretty much pay cheque to pay cheque, we haven’t had a holiday in years, and we really need a new (to us) car.....we don’t know how the one we have is still going lol!

On the plus side....we love each other very much and are very happy.

Work wise, I am a solicitor. I haven’t been fully qualified for long at all but I’ve finally achieved my goal of qualifying after A LOT of hard work and many many years of training.

My “problem” Is as follows.....

I’m currently employed by a good regional firm. However, my salary is very low for a solicitor; and for how hard I work!!

My currently salary is also extremely less than what I would be paid at a London firm if I got a job at one (I am commutable distance from London and it wouldn't add on too much travel time to my day).

My current firm offers excellent work life balance but because of that they get away with paying their staff lower than what we all deserve.

Current firm’s Maternity Package is also appallingly bad (for a law firm of its size), offering only marginally more than basic statutory.

DH and I had said that we would start TTC soon. HOWEVER, my current low salary and my employer’s rubbish maternity package has really been bothering me lately. I feel I’m being massively taken advantage of at work in terms of remuneration and benefits.

So, on a day when I was feeling particularly angry about the whole thing I sent my CV to a few recruiters and......I was asked in for an interview at a central London firm!

As DH and I had wanted to start TTC we discussed whether I should even go for the interview (which I didn’t honestly think I’d get invited for in the first place). we agreed that it is always nice to have options and that I should go to the interviews; it would be good experience and good interview practice at the very least!

So off I went for the interview and...

I got a second interview!! God knows how as I was really nervous. The firm seem fantastic and I really liked the partners who interviewed me and the role sounds great.

So I waited to hear and then I got a call from the recruiter....

I’ve only been offered the Job!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m in shock.

Then the next surprise.....the salary....I’ve been offered DOUBLE what I’m on now!!!!!

This new salary would literally be life changing for DH and I. We could;
• save a lot of money for maternity leave
• Take the pressure off DH who is so stressed it’s untrue. He has done so much for me during our relationship.....it would be amazing to be able to repay the favour!

But what do I do? We want to start a family so much. We are so ready and accepting this role would means putting that on hold.

It makes us very sad the thought of postponing our plans.

But would I/we be crazy to turn down this opportunity?

What would you do????? I do still want a family as soon as possible. I am almost 35 after all.

What do I do?

Thanks everyone....sorry again this was so long!!!

I agree with all pp who say take the job.

Think longer term......you will be better able to provide for a family, you will have a rewarding and interesting job to go back to after mat leave. You won't have financial stress on top of new baby stress. If you hand in your notice now, start new job in May, start TTC round about September......that could work (do you think?)

Also, just to add, if you end up having more than 1 DC in the end, you will be very glad of higher salary (and higher earning potential)

Take the job. Maternity is a protected characteristic is can not be used against you. Certainly not by a law firm. You will qualify for smp as long as you are not pregnant when you start the role. You may have to wait for any enhanced package though. You don't know how the baby making will go so don't put your life on hold.

Take the job.
If you're somewhat stressed moneywise now, a child is going to add massively onto that.
You'll regret not taking the job. Look into the company's maternity policy / probation period etc and start tcc after this.
Congrats on the job.

I’d take the job, work 6 months then start TTC.

Definitely take the job, you'd be mad not to. Find out how long you have to work there before qualifying for maternity benefits and plan TTC accordingly (as much as you can plan TTC). Yes you may end up being in maternity leave relatively soon after starting the job, or you may not. Do not deprive yourself of opportunities because you also want to be a mother, that's exactly why there are laws in place to protect your employment rights during pregnancy and maternity leave.

Same as what coffee said. Take the job, start taking your folic acid and vitamin d. Also your DH should take some vitamins. After 6 months start ttc. It could happen on the first try or it could sadly take years.
Good luck op! And congratulations on the job offer!!

Take the job, wait one year, start TTC when you are 36... I had my first at 38 and second at 41...

But when you have the new job and get the car live nearly as if you were earning the same as the old job that should help you build up the savings a bit!

Say you now bring home £2k, if you are going to bring home £4k (random numbers) set up a standing order to a savings account for £1.5k and forget about it... you will still be £500 a month better off...

Definitely take the job. Congratulations! You can still ttc, and you won’t be any worse off. As others have said, check the policy and maternity entitlement and work around that if you’re worried about qualifying for maternity pay.

I took a very senior post in London whilst ttc, also involving staying away mid-week and I’m so glad I did. I felt alive and enjoyed it immensely after being in a role that bored me.

TTC has taken us a very long time, which is unusual but a possibility. When we first started, I got so depressed in my family friendly but dull job, which I’d taken precisely because we’d planned to ttc. I also believed a lot of absolute bullshit about stress and ttc (my issue was a blood clotting disorder and nothing to do with being stressed or needing to relax!) and felt as though I should plod on in a job that didn’t excite me for the benefit of stress levels and a future child. It was nonsense, being unfulfilled was far more stressful. Once I focused on my career again I was so much happier in myself, and my salary and career thankfully didn’t stagnate either, so I’m about to go on maternity leave on a salary package that’s 50% higher than it was a few years ago and with a comfortable savings cushion so I’m planning to take a full year off and really enjoy it.

Also agree with PP - once you’ve been on a higher salary, you’ll be in a better position to negotiate if you do return to regional practice.

I just wanted to say a massive thank you to all of you who took the time to respond to this thread.

I have decided to take the job!

Xxx

Congratulations OP!

Congrats

Take the job, I know loads of men who are stay at home dads

I havent read all your post - so will just answer the question. I would always choose the baby option over the job option. Regardless of anything else.

Baby wise - you will be amazed at how much you could spend on baby things - you will be even more surprised at how cheaply it can be to. You only get one life - and other jobs may come up - the chance to have a little one is a gift not a right.

Take the job!! You have worked hard to get qualified and this is your reward take it while you have the chance otherwise you may never get there. If money is tight now it will be worse with a baby and miserable!! Get yourself settled in the new role for a year and then TTC, and take precautions in the meantime!!