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Original poster

Would you leave a job because of the boss even if you enjoyed the actual job?

36 replies

Honey1975 · 28/01/2018 11:51

I enjoy my job, have flexible hours and a decent salary & benefits.
However my boss is difficult to work for. Unpredictable, moody, controlling. I feel like I'm constantly walking on eggshells & am often very anxious at work. I feel like it's affecting my wellbeing as I'm on edge a lot of the time at work and at home.

I have looked at other jobs but not found anything that pays nearly as well. I could only really afford to take a small reduction in pay.
I feel a bit trapped because of this.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation and what did you do?

OP posts:
Squeegle · 28/01/2018 11:52

They say that people leave bosses not jobs. If there was nowhere else to go within the organisation then yes I would leave. Life is too short to feel like this because of another human being’s inadequacies.

WhatCanIDoNowPlease · 28/01/2018 11:53

^this.

SandLand · 28/01/2018 11:56

Yes. I did.
But there was some fortuitous timing in that DH got a job offer that required immigrating. So I'm currently a SAHM. Not sure what would have happened if DHs job offer hadn't come through. I do know that I couldn't have stayed working in the environment I was in tho. Good luck witn whatever you decide - but if at all possible, I recommend getting away from the current situation.

banannabreadforme · 28/01/2018 12:01

Is there a hr person you could go and speak to? I agree life's too short to be unhappy with a person affecting your life but perhaps the problem could be solved?

Original poster
Honey1975 · 28/01/2018 12:01

Thank you. This is how I feel deep down as i'm unhappy & it's eating away at my confidence.
DH however thinks I should 'rise above it'. He's worried that I won't find another job with as good t's & c's. I wouldn't do anything rash but I do feel I need to start looking & researching other options. It's a shame though as its a good job in a good company and i think it will be hard to find something similar.

OP posts:
Lambbone · 28/01/2018 12:04

I did. I'd only been there 8 months. Interesting work, lovely team, but boss impossible. Perfectly decent woman on a personal level but a nightmare to work for. Whatever you did was wrong, and if you didn't do something that was wrong too.

It had me take up smoking again. I was sick with horror at the prospect of going to work every morning. That's no way to live.

LouiseBrooks · 28/01/2018 12:14

I did this twice. Last time was 10 years ago. On paper it was my dream job, I loved what they did and the other people were great. My boss, who was one of the owners, was a total arse and even his fellow Board members told me they knew he was difficult. I stayed a year and cried the day I left but I couldn't put up with his behaviour, it was like working for a five year old.

I got my current job immediately (I didn't resign before finding it) and have had two great bosses at this company. However the job itself isn't anything like as interesting but I'm not stressed and now that I'm on the downward slope to retirement, I really appreciate how important that is.

Original poster
Honey1975 · 28/01/2018 12:16

Lambbone poor you that sounds awful and the way I'm starting to feel!

OP posts:
VonHerrBurton · 28/01/2018 14:36

Honey, please, please leave. I have recently been through a God awful time with my previous manager and naively thought I could trust senior managers/hr to back me. It went all the way through to formal grievance after weeks of feeling initial confidence and almost relief that it was all out in the open. Now, 3 months later, I have had to find another job with my back up against the wall as ultimately nobody supported my very serious, documented, proven issues with her.

I felt the way you do now and loved my job. I was you a few months ago. Other colleagues left because of her and enough was enough. An event took place, suffice to say she did something so unacceptable in my eyes that I went to her boss. Long long story short they all closed ranks to protect eachothers backs as the whole organisation were at fault as nothing had been done with multiple previous accusations....then along I came with proof.

I left as another job became available within my field and I had to think of my family and myself and make the upsetting decision to leave. Nothing's changed at my old place. I know they were glad I went and was no longer 'their problem'

My husband used to say the same and frankly I put up with her corruption and lying as when she wasn't there I loved it. Half the time I was my own boss. The staff were lovely but all a bit scared of her. If I was in your position now, having been through what I just have, I would leave IN A HEARTBEAT. Don't trust senior management to have your back - they say they will but they won't. It was awful and its changed me.

Sorry I've waffled but your story took me back to exactly how I felt. I get what you're saying about the salary,benefits ... I guess that's the only difference as my field is similar pay wherever. I'm just worried the shit will hit the fan one day and you'll find d yourself scrabbling for anything because you are left with zero support from anyone.

I guess you could try meditation? ask your employers to get someone independent to chair it though. Really tell her how you feel and it may help. But my ex boss was so passive-aggressive and controlling it would never have worked for me. I'm left hoping one day karma will go a-knocking Grin

VonHerrBurton · 28/01/2018 14:40

Ha! Mediation not meditation!! Although that may help too, as an interim solution!

gamerchick · 28/01/2018 14:43

Yep I did. I had a job that I absolutely loved, used to look forward to going until we were tuped over to this utter head case. I lasted a few weeks then quit on her. I wouldn’t mind but she didn’t last long.

Life is short, just nope!

paranoidpammywhammy2 · 28/01/2018 14:56

I stayed in the job with a horrible boss. I stayed too long. It wasn't worth it.

paranoidpammywhammy2 · 28/01/2018 14:57

I resorted to medication.

NeverTwerkNaked · 28/01/2018 15:01

I’d say “that depends”.
One time I did leave just because of the boss. No regrets, she was never going to leave so I had to.
Other time I had an impossible boss I was lucky that the directors also found her impossible and as it was becoming unendurable I was getting clues she wasn’t going to be tolerated for much longer so I got my head down and kept going and she walked just before they were going to push her. I now have her job Wink .

retirednow · 28/01/2018 15:05

Mediation, meditation and medicationGrin horrible bosses just destroy people, the workplace and deserve no loyalty from their staff. Other staff won't back you up, they are either too scared of reprisals or can't be bothered. Keep your head held high and find a job Where you feel valued.

peachypetite · 28/01/2018 15:07

Yep. Just handed my notice in. Can't wait to be free of my manager.

Piffpaffpoff · 28/01/2018 15:08

Yes. Left. Life’s too short.

Original poster
Honey1975 · 28/01/2018 17:56

Thank you for the replies. VonHerr sorry to hear what a horrible time you've had - our stories sound similar, would you mind if I pm you to ask you a few more questions?

Sunday night blues have arrived with a deep feeling of dread about the working week ahead.

OP posts:
SchrodingersFrilledLizard · 28/01/2018 18:04

I did and it was a huge mistake.

bagelbaby · 28/01/2018 18:08

I'm close to doing this myself. Been at the job 5 months - so I'm obvs concerned it will look bad on my cv. But he is a psychopath. Seriously. He ticks so many of the boxes.
The people are lovely but he's a nightmare. Life's too short.

Iamnotacerealkiller · 28/01/2018 18:09

Yes, loved my old job, my co-workers, everything other then my three direct managers who were all uniquely unbearable.

One was a used car salesman-type sexist who thought he was amazing, and i know for a fact had had several affairs with clients.

One boss was a manipulative slimy one who would tell you what he thought you wanted to hear but acted like all us employees were all there to rip them off and cheat him out of profits. he would my colleagues behind their backs and belittle all our achievements despite us working our asses off for them,

Third one was simply an aggressive ass who fired people at the drop of a hat, 'told' you to do stuff e.g. sit up straight and belittle you to your face then get annoyed if you defend yourself.

Without those three it would have an amazing job and i would still be there but yeah, after getting close to a metal breakdown i am well out of there. now work in a lovely job with lovely manager and am continuously shocked by the nice things people to say to me!

RaeSkywalker · 28/01/2018 18:13

I’m in the same position. I can’t leave for another 6 months or so- I need to get some training under my belt- and then I’ll be scrambling for the exit. Is there anything you can do training/ development wise to bulk up your CV for roles that would earn the same as your current position?

IntelligentYetIndecisive · 28/01/2018 18:13

What VonHerrBurton said.

Look for another job. Senior management or HR will cover their arses and leave yours to get spanked.

I still get flashbacks to the bitch who caused my problems. Every time I see her mother (works in the same place) or someone who looks similar, I can't focus on anything until they're gone.

MaverickSnoopy · 28/01/2018 18:41

I've been through this. Was horrible and soul destroying.

New boss started and very much didn't take the time to get to understand people's roles, their skills or their capabilities. She did like the way people worked citing that they were wrong and unskilled, instead of understanding that they were trained in this way. One person resigned because they were so unhappy, another was performed managed (wrongfully as they'd not had training in the area they were being performance managed for) and resigned after being signed off with stress. I was the only HR person. I was pregnant and suffering with many pregnancy related illnesses and when I started standing up or people I was discriminated against. Luckily I went on maternity leave. I thought long and hard about returning but ultimately was forced to resign. 1) because I knew my mental health would suffer and 2) because they couldn't/wouldn't accommodate my request to work part time (I needed to because of the complications I suffered during my pregnancy which left me with a permanent disability that meant I couldn't work full time there because of the commute not being manageable full time.

Resigning was terrifying as I didn't have a job to go to and I hated being pushed out. I had a very confrontational conversation with my boss prior to making my decision who implied I would also be performance managed on my return (because she thought I was crap at my job, when in reality she always refused to recognise that I'd needed adjustments due to my disability and because they didn't make them I was unable to focus properly on my job and on top of that was in a lot of pain). I think she just performance managed everyone because she wanted to control everyone. She'd never been a manager before and just didn't have a clue.

Some people are not cut out to be managers. They're skilled enough to do it and they're good at their jobs, but they don't really care about people and so for that reason they're not a good fit for the job. You have to actually like humans.

I'm now in a role that offers lots of flexibility but where the manage lr asks too much and doesn't communicate well. I'm not desperately unhappy like I was before though. I will stick this out while I develop my skills and take what I can from it.

People might tell you to escape but you know best. I loved my job and was sad to leave but as soon as I resigned I stopped having panic attacks in the middle of the night. You have to look after yourself. You only have one life and it's short enough without being miserable.

retirednow · 28/01/2018 19:37

Intelligent, i have come to the conclusion that families should not be allowed to work together, in my experience they can turn really nasty against anyone who doesn't do as they are told and refuse to be treated like children.