I freelanced part time for several years after my older son was born. Fantastic for flexibility and I loved the work, but it was also isolating and fairly unpredictable, and I was starting to worry that it looked a bit nebulous on a CV. So I was keeping half an eye out for an office job. An ad came up that sounded great so I applied to see how it went. They liked me and I started Mon-Thurs as soon as I'd sorted out childcare. The pay only really covers childcare and travel, but I thought it was worth it for other factors.
The work is fine, my colleagues are lovely and there are some great aspects to it, but overall I'm struggling. I'm nearing the end of the six month probation and the commute is killing me - over two hours on the train each way, not because it's all that far but because there's a stupidly long wait between connecting trains. I thought I would start driving lessons alongside working and eventually be able to commute by car, which would shorten the commute massively. But it's becoming clear that I don't have the time or energy to fit in a driving lesson after 12+ hours out of the house.
The toddler is a terrible sleeper, DH and I get no evenings to ourselves without him buggering about and then he's up in the night as well. I'm so tired. I have a long-standing anxiety disorder that I thought was well under control, but the more tired I get, the worse that gets as well. I've had panic attacks every day for over a week, which I can cope with in the very short term as I'm used to them, but this clearly isn't sustainable. I was trying to make a sandwich earlier and couldn't spread butter as my hand was shaking. Over an entry-level job for fuck's sake!
I wanted to stay for a couple of years minimum, and maybe even go to 5 days when DS2 starts school. Now I'm trying to figure out the minimum length of time I'd want in order to put it on my CV, and doubting whether I can even last that long.
WWYD? How long would you try to stick it out? If I'm honest I'd love to just stop, and I know DS1 would like to have me around more. But would that be an awful waste of the opportunity? Or am I getting tunnel vision and thinking this is the one and only job I'll ever get?