SO frustrated at work!

[SnobblyBobbly]

I need to vent as I’ve been arguing with my manager in my head on and off all weekend and I need to find a solution.

I work for a local charity which I love(d). I enjoy the nature of my work, my immediate colleagues are great, it pays well, the hours are close to perfect and it’s a shorter commute than I’m used to. But I cannot suffer my new boss!

She answers any concern with ‘Stop being so negative’. She actually tore up a written timescale a colleague gave her to illustrate how she is stretched to her limit. Read the first line, tore it in half and said ‘I’m not reading that, it’s too negative’.

She does not care how anyone feels about their workload or how the actual services we deliver are suffering as a result of her heaping project upon project, or spreadsheet upon spreadsheet in order to then micromanage each project.

The CEO seems to think she is wonder woman but everyone under her management is utterly miserable. CEO knows this, 4 longstanding members of staff have left since this woman came into place, each one naming her as the issue in their exit interview. Likewise the trustees seem to want to show up to meetings but not actually get involved in the staff side of things.

I have told the problem manager this directly, by telling her that morale is really low, roles aren’t clearly defined (when someone leaves, they don’t replace, they just give the work to whoever happened to sit near that person and instantly expect them to know what to do) and that people don’t feel she supports them when they have concerns. But she just asked me to name who is being negative, and said she is there for anyone who wants to speak to her, and that she feels roles within the organisation are very clear. She said she does not want people to come to her with problems, but with solutions.

I know I can’t change her personality, and I know she’s not there to make everyone happy, but how can I manage this feeling of complete disempowerment and feeling so unsupported at work?

I dread interacting with this woman but I don’t want her to drive me out of a job that I love as she has done to the others.

Sorry that was so long!

Nightmare! First thing I'd deal with is her assertion that everyone is being negative. You need to point out that wanting to improve performance is positive! You could say that people are keen to work with her to find solutions - but that she needs to recognise that some areas need improvement. If she is clear about roles maybe a first srep would be to ask her to share that clarity??

If you love the job and realistically there is no way of getting rid of the manager in the short term, is there anything you can adapt in your own approach.

I had a manager who was ironically very negative about negative statements. I adopted a 'solutions focused approach' so instead of saying, "the rota isn't working" I would say "I've drafted an alternative rota I'd like you to look at, I think it will address some issues".

That eased the relationship and made work more enjoyable for me.

There are a fair few of these in charities. My route of choice was to leave and go get a better job.

I think some charities are years behind with employment practices. She is deflecting everything because she is poor at managing staff. I would imagine the trustees have no remit regarding staff.

It sounds awful and she is not capable of building a team to work effectively for the charity. I think you have to speak to your overall boss. Bypass her. Perhaps come up with a plan to enhance the money the charity takes and how the team can work together effectively to ensure this happens.

I have heard about a poorly run charity from a family member and many things were down to poor management and refusing to take advice from experienced workers. They operate along the lines of personal fiefdoms. Look at the Mary Portas programme on the charity shop if you want to see incompetence!

Do you have a line manager? Otherwise talk to HR

Peachy very few small charities have HR.

OP, roughly where are you? U.K.?

Your trustees are not who you want to speak to - employment matters are generally delegated to the ceo etc.

You have several options-
A) leave
B) stick it out and do what you can
C) speak to your managers manager

None are great options. Has this manager ever been involved in MLMs? I had one before and this was the root of the problem. She didn’t last.

There are various issues here (as an ex-charity manager). If four people have left and not been replaced, was the project overstaffed in the first place? Be honest - are there people there who are only there because it’s local or offers p/t hours, and who are in a rut?

I’m wondering if your manager has come from the private sector with the remit to streamline operations and take a fresh look at how the service is delivered.

You need tangible evidence of how the service is suffering - numbers and quantifiable data. And the trustees should be involved in the overall staffing issue.

I work for a charity and we have HR!

As do I peachy, but any small/local charity I’ve worked for has not.

Are you brave enough to say that she is being the negative one, particularly by ripping up somebody's spreadsheet that was the first step in their trying to address the solution and that what would really help would be for her to step up and be a proper decent effective manager not somebody that is causing all the experienced staff to leave, not replacing them and expecting those remaining to be able to absorb significant quantities of work when they are already overstretched without any training or support...

Yeah, probably not the right thing to say... nice to think of saying though!

I would Amat even point out that it is important to define the problem(s) carefully and correctly otherwise the solution is effectively random changes rather than targeted and effective. Also as there are so many different problems at the moment, making individual random changes without someone having an overview and understanding of the entire situation could well mean that sorting one problem out (sorry, implementing one solution) could have knock on effects that mean cause more issues for others. Usually you would expect the manager to be able to have an overview, to want it and to engage with everybody in ensuring that all problems are understood and at least the broad sweep of solutions are worked towards together, but if she isn't up to managing that then maybe she should be a worker and one of you could manage (swapping salaries too) and you're sure everyone will be much happier...

In honesty, I have thought that perhaps one or two of the people who have now gone had an easy time of it to a degree - but at the same time, those same people had requested more hours and/or additional training to get up to speed so they could develop in their changing roles and were denied it, only for their replacement (one has been made) to be given the very hours and training they had asked for and told there was no money for.

I’m generally optimistic, so I’ve been keeping a balanced view, but we have staff on a brand new project, experienced staff recruited by this same woman, who have considered leaving due to her management style and the total lack of support.

As for HR - it seems that she is their version of HR. She sits in on One to Ones with Line managers, she conducted the exit interview for a member of staff who left because of her, she has the final say on annual leave requests and sits in on our individual team meetings.

She is making some good changes, but she’s inexperienced in many areas and it’s in these that people are becoming frustrated, especially where they do have the knowledge.

I’ve got people coming over, but I’m taking all your comments on board and am going to re-read the thread again this evening.

Hmm, it's how to point out in a way that the manager will recognise that she is the negative one. Ripping up someone's work is extremely negative, for instance. What positive solutions does the manager come up with themselves? What is she doing on a day-to-day basis to improve the business if all the problem-solving is coming from the employees?

The expectation is that the manager will lead the workforce. The workforce can reasonably expect that the manager will listen to their ideas, but that they are not the sole creatives in the business. The current management model is not a team-building exercise but more 'us-and-them' where the employees are expected to come up with all the ideas and problem-solve everything which kinda leaves the manager surplus to requirements tbh.

The employees are - rightly - finding her hard to work for because she is unable to turn anything round herself and relies on others to do it for her. Next time she says 'that's too negative' you need to turn it round to her and say either a flat 'no' or 'that's too negative a response - you are here to lead - why are you blaming the employee for the issue because it's your job to fix it, not theirs. Are you aware that you are one of the most negative people here because you never come up with anything positive yourself?'

It is beyond frustrating - I've come across these people in work before and they never see themselves as the problem. Also, positive thinking is not ignoring everything that is not perfect but just dealing with it well! She's missing the 'dealing with it' bit!

If she ever mentions any guru by name, check out what they say about dealing with issues. It won't be 'that's too negative' for a start! It's like she's only read half a book on the subject!

Sorry, just coming back after my lengthy post to summarise - anyone who can't manage employees who don't have exactly the same motivation as themselves is a poor manager!

I dealt with a case of this when in HR - the manager was very motivated personally, always looking to improve themselves and their department. They expected everyone else to feel the same though, and just couldn't see that it was possible to do a good job if you just worked for the money rather than personal satisfaction/improvement. The manager in this instance wasn't looking at job performance but the person's motivating factors - which is utterly wrong, because employees were performing equally well regardless! This needed pointing out with some considerable force occasionally.

Cotswolds some of what you just said are things various members of staff have all said over the past couple of months - almost verbatim! One of her mottos which she said in a team meeting to my line manager was ‘Delegate, delegate, delegate’ which she does....until something goes wrong, or not exactly to her liking.

We are finding it so hard to support others (as is all of our role in various ways) when we are not being at all supported ourselves.

I’m at the point where I feel like in order to get some of these points across, I’m crossing the line and she may feel I’m being disrespectful. I have a line manager so I question my place in the ‘pecking order’ in all of this, but she is also being talked down at every opportunity and has been in tears because of the way the manager in question speaks to her.

This has been such a great help and given me real food for thought.

Thanks for taking the time to reply! I truly appreciate it!

It is a difficult one to tackle, I appreciate that. Concern is not negativity, negativity would be just to leave the situation as it is and not try and tackle it at all - which is what employees will start doing if this continues much longer.

Some people come across very well at interview, but are a nightmare in the job. Next time she asks who is negative, while it may be too blunt (if tempting) to say 'you are', the more subtle method would be to list some of the things she's done (ripping up, ignoring efficiency concerns, not taking responsibility) and see if she recognises herself. Tbh, I am surprised she wasn't the subject of a grievance procedure with the ripping up thing - how is that positive? I'd be having strong words about bullying behaviour with a manager who did that!

Unfortunately when a manager like this is given carte blanche by their leadership and left to get in with it, they feel unassailable. She doesn't have anyone scrutinising her every move, so she takes it upon herself to behave badly and terrorise the workforce. It would be really scared to some people to have some work torn up in front of their very eyes. She probably knows this, I can't believe she's oblivious to her own actions.

I would catalogue all these actions as they happen (and the previous ones including the tearing up stunt) so you have a record of how bad it's got. This could be useful if you decide to escalate up the chain of command.

Meanwhile try to think of suggestions for improvement and bring them to your next meeting with her, using a "I'm not saying ... I am saying " technique to reinforce your intentions as being positive not negative and taking the sting out of the message.

So "I'm not saying that the stationary order process is completely unfit for purpose, what I am saying is that we can improve it by using this spreadsheet to track deliveries yada yada yada" - get the picture?

Sometimes it softens the blow, heaven alone knows it she needs to lead by example, she's hardly a paragon of virtue is she

She is making some good changes, but she’s inexperienced in many areas and it’s in these that people are becoming frustrated, especially where they do have the knowledge

I've had this! A manager thinks that just because they are a notch further up the stack, that they cannot possibly take on board knowledge from other people, that would never do!

A great leader is someone who sees it as a strength to leverage the skill and past experience of the team, not a weakness. It shows they feel secure in their own skill set for their staff to complement any gaps in their knowledge.

Sounds like she isn't as confident as she would like!