Help. I can't find the right balance with work and being a mum

[Sofshiz]

Hi. I’m hoping someone can give me some suggestions to my situation. I feel like I can’t think straight to put together a plan.
I have 2 daughters, a 3 year old who goes to full time pre school Mon-Fri 8am-3pm and a 1 year old who isn’t at nursery. I work full time with 2 days work from home and 3 days in the office. On the days I work from the office, my mum comes in the morning to take care of the 1 year old, she then picks up my older DD and brings them home until I get in around 6pm. Myself or my DH do morning drop offs.

The above just isn’t working out. My mum is getting worn out, my 1 year old isn’t getting out much except for weekends and I feel like the worlds worst mum and daughter with guilt on my mum and my kids.

I have requested to drop Fridays at work but they’re being difficult on letting me keep both my work from home days. If I go down to 4 days a week, I’d have to sacrifice a work from home day and go in office instead which I’d rather not do. So if they don’t accept I’d have to stick to 3 days office and 2 days home.

Can anyone suggest what I could do? Ideal case would be to stay home and raise my kids myself but with a mortgage, school fees and bills we can’t afford that.

(side note, I suffer with postpartum anxiety and probably PND and the above just isn’t helping my state of mind)

Sofshiz you're a mum before they're born, like you're a wife when you're married, I think people are overthinking the comments made tbh.

As others have said you need proper childcare. You might manage to look after a 1 year old while "working" but trying to do this with a toddler will just be impossible. And your mum is clearly worn out doing what she's doing already.

Most people in your situation either look to tighten their belts to afford one parent to be at home(school fees jumps out from your post as non-essential - and perhaps you pay for a lifestyle to go with private school as well?) Or they get creative with their jobs/working hours so that they and their partner can work round each other and minimise the childcare needed.

surely if you can afford school fees you can afford proper childcare?

If you do go part-time, check what your employer does with holidays. Mine includes bank holidays in your allowance, so if a BH falls on a day you work you have to take a day of holiday. Most BH fall on a Monday, and the majority of childcare providers close too. I work 4 days, 3 in the office and 1 at home. I have Monday off. I'd prefer to work 3 days but wouldn't earn enough.

ssd not necessarily. We prioritise education quite highly so the bulk of our income goes on school fees. Doesn't mean we're flooded with cash, very much the opposite. Not all private school kids come from privileged backgrounds. Some just collect the pennies and make cut backs elsewhere. Hence why I'm struggling with proper childcare for DD2.

Thanks for everyone who's provided solutions and options. It's very much appreciated and very helpful.

I think you need childcare for your 1 year old as well as to drop a day. Your Mum could keep doing 2 days, she could do 2 days with a childminder who would get her out and about a bit more, or in nursery, then have 1 day with you. When she starts at full time preschool you may be able to negotiate finishing earlier but going back up to 5 days so that you can collect them both.

But you can't afford the school fees, if you cannot provide proper childcare for DD2

Have to agree with PP. If you can't afford childcare for DD2, then you can't afford school fees.
And to state the possibly obvious - if you can't afford childcare for DD2, how are you going to find the money for school fees when she is school age?

I agree with the others I’m afraid. It’s fair enough making sacrifices for school fees but it’s not really fair on your second daughter or your mum or your workplace or you, really. The obvious solution to your problem is to take your eldest out of private school and get proper childcare for them both. I know you are reluctant but this problem is only going to exacerbate as they get older. If you care about education there is plenty you can do at home to supplement education.

Good luck to you. It sounds like you are trying your best.