Should I discuss this with my boss

[Nanodust]

I will try to summarise as I don’t want to bore the pants of anyone but equally I would appreciate and advice or words of wisdom.

I spent a year doing a mat cover secondment. It went well, I did a good job and was able to get a different permanent job in the department at the end of it.

During the mat cover a member of the management team I was in was very unsupportive but put an act on publicly. I had to speak wit my boss in the end as when we’re in on to one situations he was very difficult. When my new post was confirmed very few staff in the wider management team acknowledged this. Some complained to the boss saying it was a done deal, despite the fact I went through an interview process and there were other candidates etc. Since the news of my appointment was confirmed some managers have asked to meet with me and have been quite unsupportive when we have met.
I asked my boss for access to a leadership course last year and he said the place was already given to someone else but I could do it the the following year. However he has now given the place to someone else. I really needed to do that course, I am lacking in confidence and feeling quite lonely with all that has gone on ( not discussed this with anyone at work and out on a professional act etc.)
The person returning from mat leave is now in our joint management team and is sending messages and tweets etc to all in management group except for me. I have attempted to organise a handover to assist her but have been ingnored and given no direction from my boss whether I am handing everything over or not, some new responsibilities were given to me when she was on mat leave that I am very happy to hand over but the boss has made some suggestions that he may want me to retain some of it but hasn’t given clarification on what and I want the staff member form mat leave to feel fully supported and don’t want her to think I am trying to keep any of her role etc.
I’ve spent the entire Christmas break unwell. I’ve woken up crying and feel pretty lousy. I’m a bit scared to returnt9 work, my new role is very high profile and I feel nervous and quite isolated. I’m not sure if I’m creating a situation that isn’t there but I’m worried I’m going to mess everything up and have no idea why I seem to no be accepted by most of peers.
So what advice am I looking for?

• should I approach boss about leadership course and appeal to go on it or be offered something else
• should I mention how I am feeling to my boss
• should I be worried about the person returning from mat leave not including me in updates
• should I ask my boss what approach I should take to handover and what is no longer my responsibility and what is

Sorry for long post!

A lot of this is going to depend on your relationship with your boss. If it's reasonably good I'd discuss it all. Your boss is responsible for supporting you as well as supervising you.

I'd let the leadership course thing go. I've been on them and they are a bit of a boondoggle. Sometimes being sent to one is considered a negative comment on your management, so not being picked to go can be seen favorably. Find one of the many books available on effective management techniques and skills and read up on your own.

It's hard to tell how much of the non-acceptance is just in your head or real. Do you have issues relating to people outside of work?

One site I like alot for this sort of thing is theladders.com

www.theladders.com/career-advice

I get their email newsletter with links to the articles that you could sign up for.

I thought this one might be particularly helpful in your situation.

www.theladders.com/career-advice/eight-habits-emotional-intelligence

Might I ask what type of work you do?

Thank you Missconduct.

I tend to get on with people. However I am very professional at work and always try to do the best job I can. This means I get results and get acknowledged for this. I think people don’t like that maybe?

I have tried to get on with my peers. I’ve worked with them for over a decade and got on, then I got this promotion and some have really taken it badly and been complaining to the boss, been quite upsetting actually.

Thanks for the tip regarding leadership course. The reason I want to do it, it seems to give you more gravitas where I work, people who do the course seem fast tracked etc.

I’m a bit nervous saying what I do as I want to remain anonymous, it’s a public sector type company and I am in senior management.....

Fair enough about the anonymity. The leadership courses can also be seen as a perk or free vacation given out as a reward too.

I'm in healthcare management and am a Yank, so that's my perspective. After your promotion, what exactly caused people to take it badly and complain about it? Were they expecting the promotion? Perhaps since you were covering for someone's maternity leave they were expecting you to just be short term and counted you out for the promotion.

I think that you do need to be professional at work, but you also need to be human and approachable and seen as supportive of your other team members. That's why I linked the article on emotional intelligence. It really matters.

Yes, I absolutely agree regards EQ. I’ve changed completed counselling training and am keen to support others.
However I’ve been told in the past that I’m a soft touch, people have walked over me and taken advantage. I have really reached out to people, been there and supported them and then barely been acknowledged.
I am a very feeling person but a bit tired of this being seen as a disadvantage and being hurt for putting others first at work. I can’t change my underlying personality to be caring, but I think I need to put myself first a bit.
The experiences I’ve deleted have hurt as I have thought I get on with others. I was doing the work, unpaid that became the promotion, that seems to imply to other that it was a done deal......

So the mat cover was on top of your regular duties, and you got promoted into the job you were doing for the woman who was out? What is she doing now?

I think you might benefit from reading nice girls dont get the corner office. I know its nice to be liked, but at work its more important to be respected and it doesnt sound as if you are in your new role. But know this: you got that job fair and square. So regardless of what others think or feel about it now the job is yours and everyone needs to crack on.

If people are being difficult then take notes during the meeting and email them afterwards. I would also suggest taking someone else in to take notes. Keep records of bullying behaviour: date time who was there what was said and how it made you feel.

Oh and about handing over or not of tasks, email whoever you and ML person answer to and ask for updated job descriptions. Email ML lady to book a time to go hand over certain tasks.

Sorry for not being clear. I didn’t get promoted into the mat person’s role. I was given additional responsibility during the cover as the person doing it was ineffective and boss saw I got results so gave it to me. I didn’t really want it, not a nice set of tasks and didn’t agree with way it was done- that’s why the member of staff I mention earlier doesn’t get on with me. However I wanted a permanent job so tried to complete every task given to me as well as I could. I was recognised at very senior levels for being reliable etc.

The person on mat leave will return to their full post, I am trying to handover everything as I don’t want them to feel under threat. However I think my boss thinks I am a more reliable completer finisher. The promotion I got was advertised and mat cover could have applied etc but did not.

I agree regarding ‘nice’ girl comments. I also agree with the lack of respect comment, that’s what is really getting to me. There’s been some really nasty behaviours, I’ve been challenged in front of the boss but told to just ignore it/ nit let it get to me. However I need to able to work with everyone to complete tasks and for things to be a success. I currently feel there would some delight in others trying to sabotage my efforts, partly out of badness on their part but also because I am younger and not one of ‘the gang. In other words I don’t moan and complain and constantly challenge authority. I am also keen to progress and put myself forward when I can.

I hate social events and presenting to large groups but I always put myself forward and have learnt to ‘act’ confident. This makes people think I am a show off and there have been comments about me being the boss’ pet etc. I also have young kids and meetings have started to be organised last thing and comments made about my ‘not being available’ or having the leave on time.

It’s more of a drip, drip effect than huge issues. That is why I’m wary to mention to boss as it may not seem like much in isolation but to be on the receiving end of this, to feel excluded and to be made to feel I don’t deserve to be here/am experienced enough to get the promotion is taking its toll. I’m being to self doubt, lack confidence, feel low and be paranoid. Self sabotage is worrying me and I am lacking focus.

I think you need to have a talk to your boss, and carefully explain everything you have here.

I also think you need to start keeping a detailed log of all incidents etc.

Then I don't see why mat leave woman is excluding you if she's getting her old job back. You've really had no impact on her situation.

Younger managers can sometimes be excluded by the older staff who feel threatened by their rise in the organization. It's something of a can't win situation for you, in that if you do your best they feel more threatened.

I don't know if there is much you can do but try to see it for what it is - petty office politics and not a reflection on you or how you do your job. Do raise it with your boss if you feel that there's a concrete bad act you can point to or if you feel like there is anything he or she can do to support you. Sometimes just getting it all out in the open is helpful.

My kids are teenagers now but I had some of the same issues when they were young. It's mostly organization culture. Either they accommodate the needs of parents as long as they are not taking the piss or they don't.

In time the organization will adjust to the change and move on. As red pointed you to won the job fair and square. How long ago did you get the promotion?

Thank you again for taking the time to leave comments. I agree with what you’ve said, it does feel a no win situation. I’m too old to fit in with the more junior staff but not quite the age of the senior staff, so it’s a kind of in between stage. I took on a lot of managerial responsibility in my 20s so I have a much more experience than some my age. However I feel like this doesn’t really matter as I seem to be slotted into what others think I should be. In addition I don’t want to spend time justifying my position and trying to persuade my peers I’m good enough. I got the job based on what I am capable of and the hard work I’ve done.
I just wish I could somehow gain their respect. However this seems near impossible. We are talking about people who’ve been in jobs for decades and don’t want any change to the way they think things should be done. So the hostility and lack of respect probably stems from a lack of trust and not being ‘in the gang’. They were fine when I was in a subordinate position but not so fine how I’m at their level.
I need to stop over thinking I suppose but I am challenged by the fact they seem to have some much power and could make or break an opportunity based on petty behaviours and the office politics.
The job I have is going to wind them up more as I have been tasked with making a lot of a change and moving things into this century! Already there’s hostility and I’m hoping I get the support I need. One other strategy I’m trying to employ is gainging respect and endorsement externally. If others in the sector recognise what I am trying to achieve and approve, perhaps this will force some hands. It is exhausting though and puts me out of my comfort zone- I’m presenting next week with experts and people with PhDs etc, I feel like an imposter, very much ‘acting the job I want’! However I am sincere, want to make positive changes and I am passionate about what I do.

The job I have is going to wind them up more as I have been tasked with making a lot of a change and moving things into this century!

I hear you. I'm currently involved in a project to replace some 20 year old software that's central to everyone's job with something more modern and capable and it's an uphill slog. People are threatened by change, particularly if it's going to make things more efficient. The key to deflecting the push back is high level executive sponsorship. Someone at the very top has to make it abundantly clear, over and over again, that the change is necessary and everyone is responsible for making it successful. That deflects the negative reaction away from you. It also means that you can help people navigate the change and shape it. The reaction you are now seeing is fear, plain and simple.

When you come out of the other side of the change you will be part of the structure because you will have driven the process.

We all feel like imposters at times, even people with PhDs and outside experts. A consultant is someone who borrows your watch, tells you what time it is then bills you for 200 quid.

For the time being just remember that you're not there to be liked, you're there to do what you've been tasked to do. But do try to get the executive support for your goals made very plain and clarify that the need to change is not your whim, it's where the organization has to go.