Colleague is draining me

[SidekickSally]

I work in a small team in an office and we have a new member on our team and I've been assigned her manager. She is very bright and works very hard but she has some traits that are beginning to drain me.

She is very negative and pessimistic. She always doubts herself and asks for reassurance ALOT from me, either about her work or today about whether people like her or not. That is quite a common one.

She always has a crisis of one sort or another, with her boyfriend, with her flatmate, with an illness. She is always bending my ear and moaning and panicking. I know she suffers from anxiety and I do listen but it's started to really get on my nerves now.

I can understand needing reassurance about her work, I can handle that but the rest is building up so that I have started ignoring her or going off to find a quiet area if I need to work, or just snapping which I know is not the right way.

I've had open chats to her about needing to put things in perspective and trying to take a step away from personal stuff when you're at work but it doesn't seem to help.

I just think she is extremely needy and I'm finding it really draining. I am so tired and headachy this evening and feel as though the stress is getting on top of me which is ridiculous considering I'm meant to be the responsible adult and she is only 23 years old.

Any tips?

Op also, if you think you don't have the skill or opportunity or support to correct these boundaries in the longer term, I'd seriously consider options to offload the employee to a new Manager/fresh start for everyone's benefit, even a short secondment might help build her awareness... Or (say) arrange for some coaching... Something where a fresh managerial face snaps her attention as to what appropriate boundaries look like.

actually I have both an HR and equalities background but will not say more in order to keep my job private. I'm pretty sure I know more than you

how self entitled do you sound.

You can't argue with stupid

Considering you suffer anxiety yourself, what a horrible thing to say to a complete stranger.

Op - I hope you’ve read the advice and work something out with your colleague.

Yes, you should try to signpost her to appropriate support for her anxiety issues.

Plus, if she keeps interrupting you, it's fine to say "I'm sorry, I've got to finish this paper but can you put 15 mins in my calendar tomorrow and we can go through this then?"

All those saying it's mental health issues are ignoring the impact this needy immature girl is having in OPs well being at work. OP get HR to deal with her if her issues are impacting I you. If she's not been there 2 years consider letting her go.