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Anyone feeling like helping me through a wobble?!

7 replies

UmSami · 21/04/2007 01:03

I'm supposed to be going back to work on monday after 14 months off, my ds is 13 months old and I really don't know if i'm doing the right thing...

I've taken the softly, softly approach to parenting, I still breastfeed, bed share when he demands it (still for the second half of most nights) and have never had a baby sitter, longest i've left him is a couple of hours with dad while I got my hair cut...His one time away from us both was last weekend and comprised an hour with grandparents and aunts and uncles all doting!

On the whole he's a bright, confident, happy little explorer (even if I do say so myself) and i'm happy with my approach to date.

But now the long avoided time has come...and I really don't want to go back, thing is I dont know if that is for him or me...

He's been settling in at nursery this week, and after wobbles all week he's done amazingly well today, 2.5 hours without a backwards glance. I gave him a kiss waved bye, he looked at me and carried on playing, when I went back he was merily playing and didnt even notice I was there 'til i tapped him on the shoulder and said hello! He then happily showed me all the toys he played with and insisted on hugging the staff and babies before we left! I couldn't have asked for more from him, and after yesterday when I was ready to call work and say I'm sorry but no way I'll bve back he amazed me.

THe thing is, I do believe that after 13 months of mum, and being a very clingy newbie, he now has the confidence to explore pastures new and needs more than just mum and dad. He has no siblings or cousins, and although some friends have children of their own he is the youngest and they all live at least an hour away. I think he needs to develop his social skills and expand his horizons but I think he needs me there too.

I'm worried that by putting him in nursery I'll undo all the confidence I've worked so hard to help him build, conversely i'm worried that by keeping him at home with me i'll hinder his social development. I can't afford to fund nursery without working and whilst we do baby activities together thay all seem to be based on parent child interaction with minimal child interation...

PLEASE HELP...

OP posts:
UmSami · 21/04/2007 01:06

should add...work is scheduled to be from 1.30 to 5.30 monday to friday...nursery is 5 mins away.

OP posts:
hunkermunker · 21/04/2007 01:30

He'll be fine.

1.30-5.30 means you have breakfast and every morning with him - and you get to go and be an adult in the afternoons - marvellous!

He sounds fab - confident and sweet - you've done a good job so far, obviously!

UmSami · 21/04/2007 01:38

Thanks hunker... I hope so, been looking for parenting books and amazon and have read a few synopses (is that the plural of synopsis-looks wrong, its late!) of books questioning mums for returing to work before bubs are 3...talk about bad timing...I don't help myself...LOL

OP posts:
hunkermunker · 21/04/2007 01:45

LOL!

Don't worry. And stop blardy reading!

I've been back at work on and off since DS1 was 6mo - very part time to start with, bit more when I was pg with DS2, then off for ten months, then back when DS2 was 9mo, building up to full time over four days when he was just a year old.

Confident and affectionate with everyone, DS2 is. DS1 a bit more shy, but I don't think he'd have been different if I'd been with him 24/7. Bit different as I leave the boys with family, but the nursery your DS is going to sounds lovely.

Enjoy work!

UmSami · 21/04/2007 02:04

Funny you say that, df has 2 db's and her ds2 who went to nursery younger and socialised more is in her opinion the more confident and outgoing of the 2...I say in her opinion as they are both gorgeous beautiful boys who I just hope my ds is as happy as as he grows.

Good on you getting your life sorted so quickly...everything before 11 months is a blurry, sleep deprived, haze to me!

Talking of sleep deprived, time to sleep me thinks...Thanks for your help...I'll probably be back with another wobble tomorrow...God help us all!

OP posts:
ebenezer · 21/04/2007 14:40

14 months is a long time to be off, and it would be surprising if you weren't havinh a few wobbles! But tbh, it sounds as though everything is going fine. Your working hours aren't long, and he's obviously settling well into nursery. Sounds like you were maybe expecting him to be more clingy than he is. I believe allowing children to explore the wider world, interact with other adults and children etc is vital to their emotional well being - so give yourself a pat on the back!

Swizzler · 21/04/2007 14:44

Really, stop reading! You've obv done a great job so far and there's not reason why things should go backwards. I went back to work a couple of weeks ago (3 days a week) and DS is 6 months. Yes, it was hard but a) I ebnjoy the adult time and b) gives DS the chance to try new things (he's being looked after by DH). Good luck

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