Working in leadership in a business as a woman and wondering WHY I BOTHER

[Dixeychick]

Rant alert.
I'm the director of a function in a FTSE350 business, with 15 years experience in my function & 7 years in this business. I know the business like the back of my hand, I care about it, I bloody well know what I'm doing.
I'm also in my mid 30s & heavily pregnant.
Apart from HR, there is only one other female director in the business, in total there's 7 women out of the 60 most senior employees. They keep going on and on about how much they want to increase the number of women in senior roles...
I've spent the vast majority of my day being mansplained to, ignored, talked over & belittled by a variety of middle aged men, all in discussions in which I was by a mile the most knowledgeable & experienced person in the room on the topics being discussed.
Why bloody bother??!!!! It's like if you don't have grey hair & a penis you're not relevant.
Please tell me it's not just me having to deal with this shit.....

It’s not just you.

Wander over to feminism to the facilitated men thread ... depressing.

Can't find the thread, could you post a link?

I'm not senior but a couple of times have come across the attitude that the women don't need to earn as much because they have husbands in well paid professional jobs. I kid you not! I've worked for two bosses who've had this attitude...

We need more women setting up their own businesses. I can't see any other way.

I'm the only female in our management meetings. There used to be 3 or 4 of us but since a new department head joined, the others have all left and been replaced by men. The new department head is really 'laddish' & all meetings now involve banter, him ranting and swearing and lots of late nights in the pub that I don't partake in (much as I love a night out, I don't really think it is appropriate with my colleagues & need/want to get home to my family anyway). Our most recent team drinks involved a drinking game. It makes me mad & I know the company wouldn't condone. I could report to his boss but I don't think it'd do my reputation any good & it'd feel like I was a weak, moany woman who couldn't hold my own.

Thankfully I'm one of the most experienced team members so I am listened to but I don't think I'll stay too much longer as I am not part of his inner, lads, drinking circle.

Nothing to add, just some sympathies I guess.

As a more junior woman, can I ask whether “behaving like a man” and being more assertive gets punished in performance reviews? I’ve made a huge effort to be friendly, inclusive etc. but still got described as “intimidating” in my last review, which really hurt. It seems to me that the tightwalk that women must walk is almost impossibly narrow, and so much is expected of us “behaviourally” that just isn’t from men.

pebbles when you get feedback like that you need to do the following:

‘Hi boss, as you know I’m committed to embracing feedback and improving my performance. I notice I have ‘intimidating’ as a feedback item. Can you give me some concrete examples of this so I can identify the specific situations etc that this occurred in?’

One of three things now happens:

1. A concrete solid example of you being intimidating is given, in which case you address the item and remediate your performance.
2. No example is given and some blustering ‘well generally..’ crap is given. In which case you sadly note that although you are committed always to improving performance, without identifying exactly what the issue is it’s very hard for you to do so. You note that more immediate feedback on specific situations would be jolly useful as you are so darn committed to accepting feedback, like the good team player you are.
3. An example is given in which actually, you behaved just as the men do and that was not unprofessional at all. In which case you, with wide eyed innocence point out that you are of course extremelyncommitted to improving your performance in the light of feedback but that Bob and Dave do exactly the same and could this possibly, just possibly, be an example of how women are expected to behave differently to men in the workplace.

In all my years, 1 has never happened. 2 and 3 have happened though. A lot.

Good luck. There are ways of calling this shit out and covering your own arse ;)

Sorry, Anatidae - only just seen your helpful response.

I have asked for specifics but been told that they can’t be given, for confidentiality reasons, as the feedback was given by colleagues as part of a 360 degree review process. So I know that people (i.e. men, because I just so happen to work mainly with men) have said this stuff, but I don’t know who or why. It is frustrating in the extreme.

It’s not just you.
I recently had the experience on a conference call of a man starting to talk over me, then when I declined to be a good girl and shut up and let him speak, bollock me for talking over him.
Positively Orwellian.