Handling a moody boss

[Rusty289]

I'd love to hear everyone's thoughts on this. I'm a fairly young employee and was promoted into management about 18 months ago. Things have always been really busy and I've tried to make a point of helping out with a high workload to help the team along. My manager had always been really close and we worked well together (even came to my wedding!). About 2 months ago, I ran into an incident with a staff member in the office, which involved them saying something to me on a night out that was really offensive but they thought it was banter. I managed it internally but a few people (manager included) said I was not myself afterwards, commenting that I was being abrasive for around a week. I recognised it and apologised to her, making an effort to revert back to normal.

Since then, I was promoted to another team and will work alongside her in the new year. She has since been really moody with me, almost making a deliberate effort not to talk to me. She keeps trying to give me work no one wants to do and is just trashing my ideas. She is really highly strung as a personality and follows rules to the absolute detail (which I don't do so often). I'm concerned that my unprofessionalism and promotion has impacted our working relationship. I am finding myself sick coming to work nowadays as it's getting so bad. She isn't like this with anyone else and has even got to the point where I wasn't bought a birthday cake on behalf of he office (her call). Does anyone have strategies around how I can manage this? She tends to dismiss anything I suggest now so I am not confident approaching her.

Would love your opinions!

Maybe it's a perception based on your OP but I think you've allowed yourself to get into a negative behavioural pattern (maybe started by the comment the work colleague said which upset you?) which has given your manager a poor impression of you. I don't know if you can rehabilitate yourself in their eyes, as sometimes mud sticks in organisations and it's difficult to come back from a bad impression.

An old manager of mine said to me years ago "we all wake up in the morning and choose our attitude", so it's up to you to decide whether it was your attitude that caused the problem, and whether you are motivated to try and fix things.

Your manager sticks by the rules because that's what they are paid to do, and if they didn't, people would soon accuse them of a "one rule for you and another for everyone else". In your case, ask yourself whether you think it's a good thing that you don't like to follow rules, and you may have the answer to why things have gone a bit pear-shaped.

Number one rule of grievances is that they're not allowed to treat you differently because if it. She is. You need to make a complaint in writing officially about it before It gets any worse and even better if you can get witness statements from other colleagues too

I have a moody boss. She swears about staff she has run out of town, calls the staff in the department morons out loud in the open plan office and slams doors. I continue to be upbeat and positive yet she doesn't appear to be changing? Mentally she has a grip on the team like a vice and nobody dare speak up... These thing
s are easier said than done I am hoping she is hit by a bus, but failing that I will look elsewhere for a job.

s4nha does your company have a bullying and harassment policy? If so I would urge you to have a quiet word about your boss, and quote directly from the policy, which normally refers to things like dignity at work, treating people with respect and providing people with a safe place to work.

It sound like she's unaware how her behaviour is affecting her direct reports.

I am finding myself sick coming to work nowadays as it's getting so bad.

If this last more than a few days I would be looking for a new job. With two promotions behind you in quick succession your CV should look great. Unless you work in the middle of nowhere or in a very specialised field and it would be hard to find a new role?

You could have a quiet word with her, being clear to not say that she is being such-and-such, but saying how she is making you feel as your feelings cannot be disputed. In theory this could help, but could also backfire spectacularly if she is really unreasonable, so may not be worth the risk.

Do you have a good HR department? Could you speak to them, without mentioning names, and ask for advice?

Do you think she is jealous that you've had two promotions? Could she be feeling threatened?

I had one similar - bloody nightmare constantly hipeing for a genuine reason not to go to work

It's defiantly a power issue!!

Smile be happy, stick phases, well we're all on the same team!! We all want to company to do well! We all want the client to think we're professional

Then look for another job - there are reasons some jobs keep cropping up

I'm in middle management myself, and I see three potential issues here:

1. what @daisychain01 said, i.e. you're stuck in a viscious cycle of a mistake leading to mutual suspicions and affecting your relationship.

2. you not taking the rules all that seriously is actually a problem. I have a junior manager working under me who has that, too. He'd most probably describe me as 'highly strung' and a stickler for rules, too. I'm not - but unlike him I've been in the job that he's now in a while longer and now work in a more senior role, so I know which corners I can safely cut and which have a nasty tendency to result in C-level attention of the unwelcome type.

3. she feels threatened by you.

In any of these cases, the correct answer is: face the issue head-on. Ask her for a meeting. State that you feel this has been going on and ask what the issue seems to be. Really listen to what she has to say.

If, after that, you conclude it's pure jealousy, find another job. If not, address the issue.

Easier said than done, I know, but that's it in a nutshell.

Perhaps she thinks the previous level of intimacy (wedding, etc.) was too intense, perhaps people have commented, perhaps she was alarmed or put off by your reaction to the person who offended you on a night out... It sounds as though she's backing off from you, fast. Could you elaborate about the corner-cutting? As @BossyBitch says, that's something a manager has to take seriously.