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Original poster

Work colleague

55 replies

Walkingdead11 · 29/10/2017 15:48

I work with a man who has ADHD. This week he berated me in front of a customer, to the extent that the customer got involved in calling him out on his behaviour. This has been an ongoing issue for 2 years, he is argumentative, belligerent and controlling. He is my equal at work and this last incident has tipped me over the edge and I am off with depression and stress. I do have other issues going on at the moment and simply cannot cope with this man any longer. My manager is of the opinion that this man is annoying (he gets annoyed too) but that the man in question cannot help it because of his condition and I need to sick it up and ignore him.....I can no longer do this. What can I do? I love my job and get on with everybody else.

OP posts:
Original poster
Walkingdead11 · 02/11/2017 09:56

ThePinkPanter

I get what you're saying and understand that my managers are in a difficult situation. Equally I could instigate a bullying in the workplace claim. This man has got angry with customers, how can that be remotely acceptable?? What would happen if a customer made an official complaint? I just want to be treated fairly and in all honesty I don't feel I have been. They have taken his side, despite him driving them mad also and I don't get why they have let him get away with so much for so long. They have told him he's not to tell me what to do anymore, that it's not his place and that he has to stop shouting but where are the consequences, that everyone else would have if they behaved the way he does?? If it happens again I will have to put in a formal grievance, I have no other option because I am being affected by his behaviour and I have no intention of 'ignoring him'. Sorry but it's completly unacceptable to me.

OP posts:
ThePinkPanter · 02/11/2017 10:01

I get it. I really do. But you would be surprised if you knew how far employers have to go to at times re reasonable adjustments.

Is there anything your manager could do to support you that isn't putting an onus on him to change?

AshleySilver · 02/11/2017 10:15

I intend to tell my managers that I will no longer tolerate ANY misdemeaners from my colleague which will include not being told what to do by him, not being shouted at and not being spoken to in a condescending manner.

This seems a reasonable course of action to me. Explain that if he does any of these things you will walk away from him. Also keep a written record of the times you need to do this.

Original poster
Walkingdead11 · 02/11/2017 10:20

I don't know really, other than acknowledging that his behaviour is unnacceptable......but they won't and they just keep saying he can't help it l. I don't accept that, he can or at least he should be taking steps to look at his behaviour. I'm depressed, I have taken steps like going to the Dr and taking medication. Having a disability or a mental illness does not absolve someone of personal responsibility.

OP posts:
BakedBeans47 · 02/11/2017 10:23

his behaviour is due to his disability then he can't just change it. That's the nature of a disability - he can't control it. In all honesty whether he's being a tool or not, demanding someone with a learning disability should be made change their behaviour is not a good idea.

Well no, but the obligation on the employer is to make reasonable adjustments for his behaviour. Not to put up with behaviour that even after the adjustment has been made is completely unacceptable. As others have said having a disability is not a get out of jail free card.

ThePinkPanter · 02/11/2017 10:26

I'm not trying to be argumentative but maybe explain why your manager is stuck. Think of it this way;

If he had Tourette's and kept calling you (and customers) a wanker how do you think your employer should deal with it?

ThePinkPanter · 02/11/2017 10:26

I'm not trying to be argumentative but maybe explain why your manager is stuck. Think of it this way;

If he had Tourette's and kept calling you (and customers) a wanker how do you think your employer should deal with it?

Original poster
Walkingdead11 · 02/11/2017 10:33

In that instance I would imagine a reasonable adjustment would be that the person with Tourettes didn't deal with customers......I don't think it would be reasonable if I'm honest. For example, our shop is quite small, it couldn't take a wheelchair so we wouldn't be able to employ someone who used a wheelchair. Reasonable adjustments are not always possible.

OP posts:
AshleySilver · 02/11/2017 10:35

The employer has a duty of care to both employees, not just the disabled person. If Walkingdead is being adversely effected by the working environment to the point where she has become ill, the managers need to find a way to protect her. That's their job.

Original poster
Walkingdead11 · 02/11/2017 10:59

I have ALOT going on at the moment and much of it has nothing to do with my colleague. I am a single parent, I care for my mum who has dementia, I am in a court case with my alcoholic ex who I stopped seeing my daughter due to his alcoholism and mental health issues. Of course that has nothing to do with my colleague but his behaviour certainly doesn't help. So now I have depression and anxiety but if I keep having time off I will in all likelihood lose my job, and yet my managers keep harping on about HIS issues, despite them knowing full well what I am going through, and despite me turning up to work and being positive and friendly and doing my job well. Where are my reasonable adjustments?? I know full well that life isnt fair and for the most part I get on with it but I expect fairness in the workplace but I'm not getting it.

OP posts:
ThePinkPanter · 02/11/2017 11:02

So could you suggest that then? Customers with queries beyond paying be directed to you and he does more of the other tasks?

Original poster
Walkingdead11 · 02/11/2017 11:22

It's very simple what they need to do. They need to tell him that he is NOT to tell other members of staff what to do (he has NO seniority). He is NOT to shout and rant at other members if staff or customers. He is NOT to take over when other members of staff are dealing with customers. Failure to comply with these requests may result in disciplinary action which may result in him losing his job. That is what I'll be requesting on my return. However I'm completly aware that that will not happen so I will be forced to take measures myself...aka looking for another job. On the other hand my depression medication has rendered me quite numb and tired so maybe nothing he does will invoke a response and everyone's a winner..........

OP posts:
ThePinkPanter · 02/11/2017 11:41

IF those behaviours are attributed to his ADHD and they do that then they would be disciplining him for being disabled. That is illegal. That does not absolve your employer from doing anything but they have a fine line to tread here.

ThePinkPanter · 02/11/2017 11:47

*could not would. Have any customers made formal complaints?

BakedBeans47 · 02/11/2017 12:19

panter
What if he punched someone? Do you think it really wouldn’t be reasonable for an employer to dismiss someone, disabled or not, for assaulting someone?

The obligation is for the employer to make reasonable adjustments. Not have to deal with ongoing unacceptable behaviour without the employee facing any consequences.

Original poster
Walkingdead11 · 02/11/2017 12:38

ThePinkPanter

I think the customers that have witnesses such behaviour have been too shocked to do anything. I know that if a customer complained he'd be disciplined. Just not with me. It's not fair and it's not right. I might just punch him, since I'm mentally ill i guess there would be nothing they could do right??

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whiteroseredrose · 02/11/2017 12:55

Nobody should have to put up with being shouted at and undermined at work. And customers can quite rightly take their business elsewhere. Your managers are being very short sighted in letting this situation continue.

The message seems to be that once you employ someone with ADHD then they can be as unpleasant and unprofessional as they like (because they can't help it) and you're stuck with it. Everyone must just suck it up even if they scare customers away.

This can't be fact otherwise businesses could end up going bust.

In your shoes, each time he rants at a customer I'd suggest they make a complaint. And I'd keep a detailed log of every time he is ranty with you. Present management with a complete picture and go above their heads if necessary. They're copping out and not doing their jobs.

Original poster
Walkingdead11 · 02/11/2017 13:11

It's the double standards i am being subjected to that upsets me. On the one hand, now my manager knows I am depressed I'm expected to deal with it by going to the Dr and getting medication (which I have) while he's not expected to do anything because he's got a disability. He was being particularly argumentative one day several months ago and I told him so....his response was 'well there's nothing else to do' ......... I think that is very telling and he knows damn well how he behaves is unnacceptable but knows he won't be held accountable. We are ALL accountable for our behaviour surely??

OP posts:
daisychain01 · 02/11/2017 14:37

If this person had Tourette’s, the reasonable adjustment would be to ensure he had absolutely no interaction or contact with any customers. Employees would be asked to accept him swearing.

OP have you actually asked him to have an informal chat yet? Take in some examples of things you find unacceptable directed specifically at you, and see if he is responsive and understands your points. Document the meeting (maybe afterwards to avoid him feeling threatened by constant note taking) and take your concerns and actions taken to your manager, within a formal Grievance if he doesn’t agree to any of what you’ve highlighted.

Swizzlesticks23 · 02/11/2017 14:56

I think you should use your time off to look for another job

Sorry this is happening to you it sounds bloody shit.

Nobody should have to tip toe around anyone regardless of any condition. If it's affecting your work life and emotional state it's not on.

Hopefully you can find some vancafies online. You will start to not give a shit once you have another job to go to and your end date is approaching.

You don't deserve this so don't stand for it. Get out asap

Original poster
Walkingdead11 · 02/11/2017 16:52

daisychain01

I feel it would be utterly pointless, he's been told many times about his messiness, about his manner etc and all you get is 'yeah yeah', he behaves for a week then back to his usual demeanour.

Swizzlesticks23

I think you are right and that I will have to start looking for another job. Though my motivation is currently at 0, probably minus 0 if I'm honest. I feel very let down by my managers, especially when they themselves have had his shit behaviour directed at them.

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BakedBeans47 · 02/11/2017 17:24

But you would be surprised if you knew how far employers have to go to at times re reasonable adjustments.

It’s not a reasonable adjustment to basically ignore bullying and harassment in the workplace and to tell employees who are the victims of it they have to suck it up. That’s absolute shite.

ThePinkPanter · 02/11/2017 18:00

How exactly did you take that from what I said? From what I've picked up, maybe wrongly, is that no customers have made complaints, management don't feel his behaviour is bad enough that action needs taken and the op kinda thinks he's putting it on a bit and should stop annoying her. Whilst his behaviour sounds like a pain in the arse, it doesn't sound like he's done anything other than get on the OPs wick. I also don't think she is qualified to decide if his behaviour is genuinely ADHD. If that's the case, then yes she should have to put up with the annoying behaviour that management have accepted as part of his disability.

If he has threatened her, shouted in her face or punched her in the face as someone suggested Hmm well then of course it wouldn't be acceptable and would need dealt with

Original poster
Walkingdead11 · 02/11/2017 18:19

ThePinkPanter

Wrong wrong and wrong again!! My managers do not know the first thing about 'reasonable adjustments', they have never managed a team before or dealt with disability. I have had to intervene myself between arguments with my colleague and my female manager who was and is frequently annoyed at him......particularly when he tries to tell her how to do her job!! He has NO respect for hierarchy. He has shouted at me frequently, ranting and waving his arms about in an aggressive manner, he is 6f 4 and obese......extremely intimidating. So what if the customers haven't complained??? We live in a culture where people generally do not complain. Does that make it okay?? He is constantly criticising, being negative and targetting different members of staff who he decides have not been doing their jobs properly, despite not being in a position to.......particularly with our managers! As I have explained my managers are very nice, well meaning people who do not know how to manage and feel sorry for him. That's great, they can feel as sorry for him as they like but what about me??? Plus the incidents of shouting at the customers have bar one episode always happened when they are not there....how convenient. If I ever see that customer again, who had a go at him for having a go at me I will be asking him to make a formal complaint, definitely!

OP posts:
BakedBeans47 · 02/11/2017 18:26

But PinkPanter this is what’s happening. His conduct towards the OP has caused her to become ill with stress and anxiety. Do you not think that amounts to bullying and harassment?

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