Being bullied out of a job

[NameChanger22]

I apologise now for starting this thread and then running off to do the school run. I will return in an hour or two and hopefully I will have some helpful replies.

I am currently being bullied our of my job. The bullying has been going on for many years, on and off. I have worked at the same place for a long time and I like the work I do.

I have looked very hard for another job because of the bullying, but nothing has come up with hours that suit my childcare arrangements.

I know the next few weeks are going to be really stressful and I don't know how I will cope as I tend to cry a lot when things get too much. I'm not unwell, I'm perfectly happy otherwise and I don't need to go to the doctor. I'm just looking for tips on how to get through this really difficult period without becoming an emotional wreck. I also need some job hunting tips as I've been a long time in the same job and I'm not having much luck finding anything. Thanks.

Thanks for the tips. I will try and apply for few more jobs this week, it might stop me from panicking. I'm not going to be too fussy about what I apply for, as long as the pay and hours are ok. I'm feeling a bit desperate to leave now.

Don't put your bully as a reference, use a centralised HR dept or the address of the agency that employs you.

Thanks, I will do that. I can put a more senior manager as a reference maybe. I'll check with them first obviously.

I will, but it might be difficult with the bully being my reference for the last 15 years

If you can avoid the bully for your reference that's one solution.

You are well within your rights to get a written reference from your Agency to vouch for your dates of employment over the 15 years you were employed by them.

Does your agency know you have been bullied? They have a duty of care as your employer to give you support and protection from that situation.

Hi OP, I'm sorry to hear about your situation at work. I've been bullied twice in my working life, and I know exactly how it feels. The nitpicking, the micromanaging, the damned if you do, damned if you don't, not knowing which course of action to take and how to preserve your sanity while all that craziness is going on.

The first time I was bullied I was very young, and was on probation. I stupidly resigned and left without another job to go to. I wouldn't recommend anybody to do that in a million years. I ended up with clinical depression after that experience.

The second time was a couple of years ago by a new line manager. I had been in the job long enough and was a union member so I went to the trade union for advice. They arranged a meeting with the bully and she never attended. She left the organisation after that meeting invitation and never came back. She knew very well what she was doing.

Of course your situation is unique but a good starting point is to understand that you will have to "manage" your manager from now on. Make a note of all the comments, how they made you feel, all email communication with her, all one to one meetings. For every behaviour of hers, you need to have an example. Communication by email is a very important piece of evidence so always write professionally and concentrate on work, and try to demonstrate that you are doing your job properly. So if she complains about your work, you've got the evidence that you are doing it.

As you are an agency worker, your situation is quite vulnerable. If you don't have a HR department, it's going to be very hard to fight through the formal procedure. But you need to make the agency aware, and if they employ her too, it's in their interest to know what she's like.

Bullies know exactly what they are doing, and when you name the game, sort to speak, they are cowards. Cannot you arrange a meeting with the people from the agency and her to discuss the issues? She would be quite concerned for her job too if that happened.

In the meantime, keep applying for other jobs and try to get out of that toxic place. What about a admin support role in the education sector, a college, primary or secondary school? They always need office work in education.

Good luck and I hope you manage to leave that job with dignity.

Re your CV.
My local library offers a service where they help you to look at your existing skills that you may not realise you have and help you to show them in job applications etc.
They also have cv writing workshops etc.
There's also a job club which I think is where they help you to identify jobs to apply for. Check your applications etc.
I'm sure you could do all that yourself but sometimes you need someone to confirm you're heading in the right direction.

Do you have anuone who would be willing to give you an honest appraisal of what you do well? You might be surprised! Or someone who always seems to get interviews/jobs they apply for to look at your applications?

You may think your degree isn't much use but you'd be surprised at the number of jobs that don't care what your degree is in as long as you have it. After 15years you will have a huge amount of practical work skills. Don't downplay them.

You also need to keep nagging the agency. As far as they care you are sat there earning them money for nothing.
They will not go out of their way to find you anything unless you keep phoning and popping in.
Agencies generally only think of the people they've seen most recently. If you are not fresh in their mind you'll just be put at the bottom of the pile.
Make sure you have a proper interview with them so they can update their details on you. They need to know what skills you have which will be much more than you had 15 years ago. Redo their typing skills test etc as well.

ginandtonic324 - your experience of being bullied is very similar to mine. It's been terrible, but it's been going on for so long now I'm a bit used to it, until the bully throws in a new trick or two.

The latest trick is trying to get me fired by saying I have a bad attitude. I'm not so worried about being fired because the work is dwindling and most of us are going to be out of a job soon anyway. I'm just really unhappy that I'm being singled out and being accused of something that isn't true, and that she's tried every other way to drive me out, and this is the just the latest thing she's come up with.

I have told the agency all about the bullying this week, I wrote them a long email detailing a few of the things that had happened a while ago and more recently. I should have gone to them years ago, but I thought that telling more senior managers would be enough. And the bullying has been off and on, so there were periods when I thought I'd solved the problem. But I never did.

So, I'm just waiting nervously to see what happens next. I think I still want to keep my job, but the work isn't there anyway. I'm applying for easy, part-time jobs now because I want to try starting a little home-based business at the same time. I want to avoid office based work and office politics for a while, the pay is terrible anyway, Aldi pay much more. I don't know the right direction to take, I'm not career or business minded, I do like to work hard though.

Thanks for all the helpful advice. I will try and do most of it when I'm feeling a bit less stressed with more energy. I'm also going to try doing some mediation and hope that settles my mind a bit.

I probably do downplay my skills. I think I'm rubbish most of the time, but I have some talents, I'm just no good at knowing how to apply them to make a living.

I think I will leave with dignity. I know I have fought as hard as I can to not let the bully win. I know she would have moved on to the next victim if I'd left earlier. She won't be able to bully anyone else because there's a record of it. I'll try not to cry.

The latest trick is trying to get me fired by saying I have a bad attitude

I don't understand the rationale of her bullying you for 15 years to get you fired, if you are both agency workers. Who do you ultimately report to in the organisation, who isn't an agency worker. There must be a manager/decision maker employed directly by the organisation, not by the agency.

I wouldn't resign before you have a new job to go to. At least you've got money coming in.

I'm still not convinced that if you have worked for 15 years via the agency that they aren't your employer. If it's their name on your wage slip and they pay you, they have an obligation to you.

She hasn't been bullying me for 15 years, only 6 years off and on. I've worked there for 15 years, but she was in a different office (for the same organisation) at the beginning and then when she moved to our office she bullied a couple of other people first, until they left. I know one of them reported it, but it was about 9 or 10 years ago, so I don't know if it's on record. I haven't always been the main target. She has bullied 4 people aside from me that I know of.

I'm not going to leave until I find another job or I get sacked. I have put up with it for so long, a little bit more won't kill me.

I'm waiting for my agency to respond to my complaints. I should have gone to them a long time ago, but I haven't seen them for years and have little to do with them, we have a new rep all the time, most of them I've never met. They pay my wages. I've only complained to senior managers about the problem before, senior managers at work and not agency managers.

I'm sorry for your situation.

Could you run beginner's art classes from your home?

Where I live there are basic art classes (a few weeks duration) for adults. The tutor supplies some basic materials, but participants buy most of their own. You could start with one class from home in the evenings and build up.

I run craft classes from home round my dining room table) max of 8 people and it is fairly successful. I don't have a degree in any kind of art.

I run classes every week throughout the year except when I want to go on holiday.

I also have a pay as you go business model. If you miss a class or two you don't pay. This keeps people coming back.

I started off by advertising on the free noticeboards of local supermarkets. Now I don't need to advertise as it's word of mouth.

Thanks very much for your help Mosaic. Your business sounds great and it would be something I could consider. I do get nervous talking in front of people though. I'm a nervous person.

I already have a specific small business in mind. I've been making lovely things for a niche market for years now, which I intend to start selling soon. I think they will sell well as I've had lots of amazing feedback. The thing I will find difficult is the business side of it - tax returns etc, returns of goods, dealing with problems. Fear of that has held me back. I also fear that it might not go as well as I hope. That's why I need another part-time job to pay the bills, if it all doesn't work out.

This thread has given me lots to think about and helped me a lot. Thanks everyone.

That's where I'm lucky. My husband is a retired accountant. After setting up, perhaps via an accountant, it's not too difficult. I just keep simple records. Sometimes your local council have free setting up in business courses too.

You can apply for tax credits if your new salary is less it will hopefully make up the difference. If you are being sent home early unpaid your income may be low enough to qualify now?

She sounds like a thoroughly unpleasant person, and life is too short to be miserable at work, or allow that person to erode your confidence.

It sounds like you have skills and talents that you can use even if not in a conventional office type job. If you live in an area with sufficient population to make a home business viable, it sounds like a more appropriate way of making a living.

At times of great stress and turmoil, of which workplace bullying is most definitely, being in one's home surroundings can be very healing. Having the social outlet of students you can spread your love of art to, sounds lovely!