Personality conflict - he makes me want to KILL HIM - advice/help needed

[Blackduck]

Okay newish boss, instantly took dislike to him - couldn't put finger on why. Partly I find him totally ineffectual, he has dropped members of staff in it from a great height, and he has made fundamental mistakes because he has refused to listen to professional technical advice. He undermines the staff. The issues are not only with me, he has largely annoyed the whole the team to a lesser or greater degree BUT my problem is I become uncoperative, surly and snappy around him - he turns me into someone I totally and utterly dislike and this is not good for my soul.........any ideas? Anyone had a similar experience?:

People like that drive me nuts, I deal with some people who seem to approach project set-up by lining up who they will blame if/when it all goes wrong.

Can you deal with him by email? I generally refuse to talk to people who annoy me (although it's fortunate for me that they usually need me more than I need them). So if he makes a decision that you disagree with/asks you to do something, respond with politeness and superficial helpfulness and then send an email saying something like "I just want to be sure that I have understood you correctly ...", then list whatever it is he has said, together with your objections/advice and say you'll get started just as soon as you get a reply. Keep all the emails as you will then have a clear paper trail if he tries to drop you in it at some future date.

If he doesn't like dealing with e-mail tell him that you find instructions clearer in written rather than verbal form.

I expect that he's got as far as he has so far by being able to wind-up otherwise sensible people so that they seem out of control and he seems in control. The cooler and more rational you manage to be, less control he will have over you.

Oh Bran - many thanks - I need to go away and inwardly digest all that as it is very useful. I do try to do the email thing, but its a; bit hard. We all have developed the ability to look fixedly at computer screen and not acknowledge he's actually there unless he speaks......

I will try to do as you suggest, but when you are expalining something for the nth time its hard not to get exasperated!

I find e-mail particularly good if I'm having to explain things several times. One woman I do work for is really not up to the job and the only way I can handle her is to do it in writing. She thinks it's because I process information better in writing (which is sort of true) but really it's because she is more coherent in writing and because she can never remember anything for more than 30 secs so I can copy her own emails back to her. Last week she asked me a question about some data changes and I replied "We had a long email conversation about this 10 days ago, it's because January started late and so over-ran by a few days. You told me that XXX (her boss) wanted to include the over-run in the previous week. Would you like me to copy the conversation to you, although it should still be in your in-box too". So much flipping easier than going through the whole thing yet again on the phone.

Can you give your boss a written explaination for whatever, and perhaps helpfully refer him on to professional journals/books for a more in-depth understanding (he'll never admit that he couldn't understand the books, especially if you say beforehand that the book explains it in the simplest possible way). Or refer him to someone outside the team, or above him in the chain of command who has had a lot of experience with whatever he's asking you, at least others will start to realise how annoying he is.

Oh believe me on the 'how annoying he is' outside the team they know! (essentially I work for an IT consultancy - I'm on a managed service contract site, he's the SDM - staff back at base are fully aware of what he's like!). He actually had the audactiy to have a technical argument with a colleague of mine this afternoon, which made interesting listening... I will try to enforce the email stuff - have done so in the past and it is generally better. Its just when you think he is the interface between us and the customer

Is there any chance that the clients will complain about him and ask for him to be replaced?

We are living in hope...

Well then, lets hope for a big debacle where he's blaming everyone but himself so that a print out of all emails on the topic can 'accidently' fall into the wrong hands.

Things are just about to get worse. Colleague who I work very closely with and who has most contact with the 'Thorn' (painful and ultimately useless) has been put on another project full time for the next 6 weeks, so I am going to be the point of cantact....on top of which I have been saddled with another consultant whose ability to screw up is well known. So I have to deal with the Thorn and stop someone from damaging the infrastructure too much.....ahhh (goes and hits head off of hard inanimate object)

Blackdog - I don't know what to say, I'm afraid you're heading for 6 weeks of sheer hell. I can only recommend taking up kick boxing to work off your frustration or arranging for one or both of them to have a nasty accident. You have all my sympathies.

LOL at 'nasty accident'...... our hardware guy is suggesting a punch bag in his room so we can go down and kick the sh*te out of it (I have a Miss Piggy Karate Chop image in my head...)

Oh yeah, exactly the same. A complete w*&ker in our office is a project manager. I worked for him. He managed to pi$$ off everyone in the team, people were leaving the project. You'd never know in the morning what mood he'd be in, mostly surly. He ignored advice from and questioned work of people who were experts in their own field, and consistently red penned any reports that were submitted to him, v.rude. I am the same, get offensive when I'm treated like this.

In the end I had to see upper management and requested to be taken off his project. It annoys me that even though they knew exactly what he was like, they do nothing to censure him, and no-one else has the balls to say anything about it. Not sure if that is an option for you, if there are other departments you can work in. I am now in the management suite, having swapped me for my department manager (he wasn't happy), twiddling my thumbs, lurking on mumsnet, and counting down to maternity leave. If I hadn't been preggers I would have ditched this job without a second thought.

I am off sick today (partly genuine - three nights with a hacking cough, which normally wouldn't have stopped me going in, and partly not as I knew I'd probably lose it today if I went in.....) Lovely email from one colleague and phonecall from another - so at least I'm not alone....