Full time working mums...

[bebsy]

is it really as bad as I'm imagining it to be? I really don't want to go back full time but think I'm going to have to. I was in tears this morning about it as I can't bear the thought of her being looked after by someone else even though it would be dp - I'm going to miss so much and feel like I won't be there for lo. How has it been for any of you full time working mums?

First day back was horrible. I cried all the way to the tram stop. It DOES get better and when you have a sh!tty day you always know you're going home to your LO.
I keep photos of DS on my desk - and put them on the computer desktop so that when I lock down I can see the latest pic

Well, I can only speak from my own experience, obviously, but it's fine, honestly! I had no choice but to go back to work, financially, and admit to having been tearful about it. DH dropped baby off at nursery for the first week, then came with me the second, to mop up my tears! But I soon got into the swing of the fairly strict routine and whilst I do wish I had more time with my DDs, I miss them more now that they are older and don't need or want me around as much! The advantages of going to work are the money, adult company, the money, the odd lunch hour during which you can pop to the shops or whatever by yourself, the money ... The disadvantages are that you do miss out on time with your LO and that you need to be fairly organised in terms of getting yourself and baby ready in the morning. But if you have no choice, I'm sure you'll soon get into it, honest! Good luck!

bebsy it's really not that bad when you get back into the swing of things, though after 9 months off I really did feel like a fish out of water for the first month back.

You really don't miss that much, DH and I speak regularly during the day on the phone. I have been quite firm about only working my contracted hours and not doing the expected (but unsaid) extras that I used to do and make sure I am home for DS's tea and bath every day. It only took a few times of saying 'No' and leaving bang on time to make colleagues realise that I have other commitments now! Also is important to get your DP organised with the housework etc. so you can spend your time off with your LO rather than catching up on the washing, trawling round the supermarket etc - is much easier said than done.

It will be tough to start with, but amazingly quickly you'll fall into the routine and begin to enjoy the benefits. And tbh, you're incredibly fortunate to have your partner as the carer for your lo. Most mums have no choice but to hand their child over to a childminder or nursery and pay through the nose too. I really don't mean to sound tough, but i think you maybe need to examine why you feel you'can't bear' the thought of her being looked after even by dp. Your dd is his child too.

I went back full-time when DS was 9 months old. It was very tough at the beginning but got better with time.

I really enjoyed it! It was like rediscovering my pre-baby self and I treasure the time I have with ds so much more now that it is limited...

Oh yes, I enjoyed it too, but still found the separation really hard. The first few days or weeks when i went back to work I felt as if in a haze, the lights seemed too bright, people too fast, too loud, very strange. as if I'd never set foot outside the house until then.

I think the longer you stay home with them before returning to work the harder it is to return. I also think it is MUCH harder on the mum than it is on the baby.

My top tip is take a pic and put it in your drawer so you can open the drawer and look at it when you want to, but it won't be staring you in the face making you feel guilty when you were otherwise occupied with your work.

Definitely agree that the longer you stay home the harder it makes it to return.Also, the anxiety BEFORE you actually go back is worse than the reality. While you're still at home with your dd, you'll have time to look at her and think about how hard it'll be. Once you're back at work, you'll find the day whizzes past. I actually used to get to the end of the day and sometimes think'Oh wow, I've got a gorgeous baby to return to now!'. Honest! Think of it as having the best of both worlds.

I keep swinging between being tough about it and being a softy ebenezer. I know LO is dh's child too, she loves playing with dh but won't have feeds off him or just has a tiny bit which worrys me as I wonder how she'll get on if I'm not there. The tough side says she'll get used to it then the other side of me thinks what if she doesn't, how will she eat??

DH would be giving up his job to stay with lo - i earn more so to continue to afford life as it was i have to go back full time (part time postitions are very rare). We thought about childcare but I think I'd feel better about going back full time if i know lo is with dh for now. I can't bear the fact that I'm going to miss out on so much, I've seen how much lo has changed in these 6 months and how much I would miss out on and how fast time is flying by. To my own surprise I've loved being at home with her, haven't missed work/adult company/doing things on my own etc etc - the only benefit of going back is financial, a huge benefit I know. I just wanted to be at home with her until she at least started school and know I'll be looking back in the future thinking if only.

It's comforting to hear that others have done it and that it does actually get better.

Whatever happens, don't beat yourself up. Going back to work to support your family is a perfectly good reason to go back to work. It is socially responsible, and if anyone ever gives you a hard time aout it you have my permission to slap them.

With DD1, i cried the night before, on my way to work, and called the nanny 3x while at work. But i ALWAYS knew i wasn't going to go back to work unless we won the Lotto so not really much of a dilemma.
I daresay I actually enjoy going to work. We also made sure the children's routine is 8am to 8pm so i see them for 1 1/2 to 2 hours a night - i know, not a lot, but once you factor in all the nap times etc., hopefully you won't feel like you miss out too much.
Of course there are things you miss out on but helping to provide for your family is ALSO a BIG HELP and it is also something you do for your children.
I call once in the morning, once in the afternoon. And am on mumsnet all day long

Hi bebsy. i'm going back to a new job fulltime mid April when dd2 will be one. With dd1 who is now 6, I went back at 12 weeks and was glad!!
But I have enjoyed being at home way more this time. And I've loved spending more time with my older daughter.
I've been freelancing since dd2 was 6 months but have been home a lot. She starts nursery 3 days a week in a couple of weeks. DH will look after her on the other days which is great. We'll also have an aupair for dd2 and to do nursery pick ups.
I feel SO ambivalent about going back. Friends/family have not been all that suportive "Oh you'll miss so much!" etc)
As it's a new job, and a pretty good one, I;ll have to work hard at impressing them. Bit worried about trying to work the contracted hours - it isn';t the norm in my industry. Wioll play it by ear.
Hope to get dd2 to start going to bed later but at the moment she wakes up so early she is exhausted by 6.30!
Good luck. Keep us posted.

I was terrified. It could so easily have completely spoiled the last couple of months of my maternity leave but I tried really really har not to let it.
But once I was back, I was so pleased. Didn't even cry! So proud of myself. I arranged with my v supportive work that I would stagger my return rather than going straight into it. So, I used my holiday entitlement (it still builds up when you're on mat leave) and did 2 days a week for 2 weeks, three days a week for 3 weeks, four days a week for four weeks and so by the time I did do 5 days I was pretty comfortable about the whole thing.
And although I was dreading it, it was actually ok. I didn't realise until I went back that I had missed the appreciation of other adults. I wouldn't ever have missed it had I not gone back so wouldn't have been an issue. But v glad I'm here now (well basically the mortgage wouldn't get paid if I wasn't so I have to be grateful ) Chin up, you'll be great. as someone else has said, you wont believe you were ever away!