Back to work...for the OH

[Nmbof3]

So, I started back to work full time in Feb after maternity leave and well I love working, gaining back a little bit of independence...only problem is I work for my husband!

It's very much 'his' business and I do everything from accounts, marketing, admin. We have a couple of other businesses which I also work for....on the whole I work my ass of!! And he is the most unappreciative boss. Every now and again he'll say thank you...not that I expect thanks. But today I snapped. His part-time admin person had forgot to do something. Which pissed him off and then he picked up a bit of paper that had notes on from his admin person and a few that I had wrote...all of which I dealt with. He makes some comments under his breath about none of it being dated...and went to throw it in the bin! He then went of a strop...banging things about and just being a knob and I just kind of thought sod you and snapped back. Which I never normally do as I know he works hard for us but then I thought NO why should I not say anything...I work hard. I then come home and sort out the children, dinner bath and bed...everyday. And he goes to the gym...everyday.

I've waffled but I'm venting and just want to know what/how other dads treat their wives because I'm becoming more and exasperated with his behaviour...or is it me being unreasonable and are mums meant to do absolutely everything...work, take care of children, shut up and put up. Because I don't know if I can. 😭

Oh Nmbof3, I'm so sorry to hear what a day you've had. I have one rule in life and it's never to work for/with family again. I've done it before with DH. If a relative told me they got a job in my company now, I'd start looking elsewhere as it puts immense pressure on relationships. I used to get frustrated at DH over work issues and that frustration would simmer which I'd try to let go of once home but it's hard, we'd end up bickering over small things and one of us would say something we wouldn't mean.

DH and I had something I'd call the 'Christmas Saga' every year, I'd run around manically trying to buy all of the presents but when it came to buying his side of the family presents he'd shoot down all of the suggestions or ask why I'd bought something for them saying they wouldn't like it (despite me knowing them well enough and him never having bought them a present in our entire relationship) and I'd tell him if he were so arsed about it, as we work the same hours, he should just go out and do it himself. I wasn't working under him but I felt so unappreciated that I snapped, every year. We don't work together anymore and whilst I admit I miss having lunch with him and a chat during the day, it's better for both of us. It has made our relationship stronger and I noticed the first Christmas in separate jobs that he was less critical - the job situation was the only thing I could put it down to. First DC on the way so not sure about division of labour but household chores are equal at the moment which is how it has always been on most respects.

You aren't superwoman, if you work together and do the same hours he can bloody well help you at home, regardless of his job role or seniority. He shouldn't be a shit to anyone at work, let alone his partner. Find another job and address the division of labour as soon as possible, it'll only get worse with the fact you have more responsibility and him not willing to take any on at home.

TLDR; It's hard, don't work with family. You need another job and to let OH know you expect more of him. Has your OH always avoided his responsibilities at home or has this started whilst you were on maternity and just continued once back at work?

Thanks for the response Meowstro already started the job search!! Here's to hoping things improve....just got to tell the DH now