Want to help nanny--moral dilemma

[expatkat]

A nanny accompanied me, ds and dd to the States when I was there for 7 months to pursue a work opportunity. When she returned to England with us at the end of the 7 months she was 6 weeks pregnant and infected with clamydia. You can imagine how awful i felt. . .as though I hadn't looked after her properly! I knew she was sexually active, but she's highly sensible and I never worried about her for an instant. To be honest, I sometimes felt she was the only practical one in the whole household!

She had a termination shortly before leaving us to return to the States for another job.

Anyway, it occurs to me that as we were living in a famously gay town, there might be a higher rate of HIV than average floating about there, even among the heterosexual population. It's nearly 3 months since she caught the clamydia, so I've been thinking she really ought to go for HIV testing. Would I be overstepping my bounds in suggesting that? We had a good, friendly relationship, but ultimately professional, and now we communicate once in a while through e-mail.

I usually believe in minding my own business, but occasionally I think it's irresponsible not to speak up. When she was treated for the clamydia here, would her doctor most likely have suggested an HIV test? If so, maybe it would be annoying and unwelcome if I were to suggest it too?

As you say she's sensible I wouldn't mention it. Anyway, just because it's a gay town it's not necessarily a higher likelihood of HIV infection, I don't think there's necessarily any correlation, especially for hetro-sex. I expect when she was tested for climydia she was probably offered a HIV test anyway.

Expatkat, I think you ought to leave it with her and not suggest anything further.

Various reasons, but in particular, if she came back with you to inner London, she might quite likely have been tested for HIV in connection with the pregnancy - it was always a standard part of the procedure with my pregnancies (at St Mary's) - and not only because of protecting the foetus (so not only as part of managing a continuing pregnancy) but also (so I have heard, don't have real medical knowledge) because pregnancy itself can speed up the HIV effect.

I suppose if you can't put it out of your mind - I would worry too - you could always call (on a no-names basis) eg the St Mary's STD clinic and check what the standard procedures are. I would bet that in inner London they test for everything.