Don't feel ready to go back to work

[R1nderCella]

Hi,

*name changed for this post - I had surgery 2 weeks ago to remove a benign tumour from my breast, my GP signed me off for 2 weeks and advised me to take time to heal and rest. I've healed really well, luckily my scar is drying up well too but I feel really sad. The tumour was 6cm, its left a big dimple in my breast - the disfigurement is apparent when I'm not wearing an insert.

Mentally I don't feel ready to go back to work, I want to stay at home and wallow in my misery a little longer but on the flip side I know my team will be struggling to carry my workload. I got a text from a colleague yesterday asking me if I was returning to work because they were so busy. I genuinely care about the work I do, and would hate for people to think I am taking advantage, as physically apart from the odd twang of burning pain, a lot of itchiness around the scar area and more sadness, I'm fit to work.

Feel like I'm rambling now so I will wait to hear what others think.

If you just want to sit at home and 'wallow' then I think you'd be better off going back as it will take you mind off things. Obviously, it should be up to your doctor to make that decision, based on a consultation with you, but if it were me I'd go back. The thought of sitting around at home being miserable is horrible - I'd rather be busy. Plus I'd feel realy bad knowing I was leaving my colleagues in the lurch and that would make me feel worse.

juneau - it will take my mind off things. I know going back will be the right thing to do, I just need to find the courage to present my happy self.

OP your colleague was completely wrong to send you the text message they did and you would have every right to complain about the message. I can understand how unhelpful the message was. If you don't feel ready physically and/or mentally then go and talk to your GP. You might benefit from some counselling to help you work through your feelings after such invasive surgery.

@Penfold007 - I think the counseling suggestion was a really good one, it might help to lift the grey cloud. Thank you for your kind words.

R1 you have every reason to feel sad. It sounds from your post that you may be going through a period of "mourning" because of the physical change due to the surgery. In your situation I would get your GP to provide a fitness note for a phased return to work. It shows that you want to get back but it's a clear message you still feel a bit fragile emotionally.

I don't think it would be good for you to be launched back into the mêlée of work without clear recognition by your line manager to the team that you will need support to get fully back up to speed. I.e. Not zero to 60 mph from day 1

Hugs and for a good recovery

Work are not aloud to contact you when you are off sick to ask you to come back or insinuate that they need you to come back

A boss of mine did this to a fellow worker 2 years ago and got into serious trouble and received a disciplinary for it.

If you don't feel ready I'm positive your doctor will sign you off again!

I think we need to be clear, it isn't a legal constraint pigy, companies are within their right to contact the employee regarding absences and anticipated returns. I agree it isn't good practice, certainly not a colleague, to put stress on R1 to return to work sooner than she is ready.

HR or Occ Health tend to take the lead, in terms of health status update, rather than discussing work,

It's ok not to be super happy at work. If you feel bit subdued, people will understand. X

Would going back on a phased basis be an option? E.g. do a couple of half (your normal) days and then increase by an hour a day till back to normal? I went back on a phased basis after surgery, and it made my return much less daunting and easier to cope with mentally.

Phased return would be best for you I think

Thanks for all the replies, I'm going to bite the bullet and go into work as I know it is busy and the last few weeks have been super stressful for my colleagues and also because I genuinely will have been missed by my team.

Once I'm there and get past the initial 'hi, how are you feeling' I will be so absorbed in the work, hopefully I won't have time to think about the big chunk of boob that is missing.

I have made an appointment with the GP to ask for some counseling - will see what she says.

If your GP can't offer counselling (quickly), does your employer have an Employee Assistance Programme which might?