How do I hold my head high tomorrow?

[Everyoneafter3]

At work on Friday I was at the receiving end of some rude and downright aggressive behaviour during a meeting, culminating in one of my colleagues thinking it acceptable to start scrutinising my role and responsibilities. This colleague, although older than me and having been in post longer than me, is junior to me.

I've been in my job for nearly 10 years btw.

My line manager also manages this woman - although officially we are in different teams - and sat there. Just sat there. The HoD did get involved at least.

We also had 'discussions' over a project I implemented 12 months ago and to which they contributed zero. There was a huge amount of criticism but no actual suggestions of how to improve. I have trained them many times, produced documentation etc but they will not contribute beyond telling me publicly (it's been by email too) it's no good.

I left work on Friday feeling utterly worthless and I don't know how I'm going to manage being in that department. The HoD texted me on Friday evening to commend me on my professionalism but I'm so upset at what I had to listen to.

Deep breaths. I'm no expert, but have been on the receiving end of crap over the years.
My mantra is to behave as I wish to see myself- so I don't descend to the level of the petty grumblers and support them even when they do not support me.

Your HOD has commended your professionalism. Ask them how they are planning to address the situation (unless it is your job to do that).

Stay flexible- there's more than one way to skin a cat. If you can't go through the mountain, go over it.

Stay factual- 'You didn't raise these concerns in the training I delivered. Do you have any better ideas about how to proceed?'

Sorry I misread the roles of HoD and line manager. Can you tell HoD you'd appreciate some support and assurance that the line manager will get involved to correct the situation?

Thank you.

I didn't get much of a 'debrief' as the meeting overran and I needed to pick up my dc but I plan on having conversation with HoD tomorrow.

Is there some kind of backstory here, because it's not clear why one meeting has had this effect on you?

The moaner has presumably been the same over the project for the entire year and you've been in that role for a decade - so although it would be annoying (especially the line manager not intervening) is there another reason why a woman who works in another team makes you feel 'worthless'?

It's a bit soul destroying when you are faced with negativity and aggression, when you have worked hard on something.

You have to reframe it to yourself as them having contributed nothing and therefore having lost the opportunity to have their opinions taken into account.

You certainly don't need to hang your head in shame. A woman who is junior to you has verbally attacked you and your role. Not your fault. Your hod has bo hack bone and didn't get involved. Not. Your. Fault.

Speak to your head and say you are unhappy with how she spoke to you and that they didn't interfere meaning you don't feel sup ported.

Sorry you're going through this.

I stayed in a place like this for 5 years and it was like breathing fresh air for the first time once I got out. Biggest mistake of my life staying there. Don't do the same if you don't need to

You need to understand your line manager's position on this. Nice that your HoD got involved and sent you the text but the fact is if the project is in your annual objectives and you are accountabke for delivery then you need to know if your line manager is happy with what you have delivered (ie you have met your Objective)

I would have a meeting as soon as possible with your LM to seek their feedback and also anything additional that they want you to do embed the change/ new way of working or whatever the project goal was.

In short if your LM supports/approved your efforts then Mrs Moany wont have a leg to stand on. If not, then your LM must tell you what specifically so you can take action to remediate asap.

Keep detailed notes of the meeting and any agreed actions.

Stay cool and calm, believe in yourself.

Thanks for all the input.

Mrs Moany (must remember not to call her that...) has never seemed to respect me but it seems to be ramping up atm.

The project is a bit bizarre as the HoD supports it and indeed asked me to proceed once I'd scoped the original plan. My LM thinks is a bad idea due to the impact it might have on her 'other' team. HoD is her LM.

Ah - is this 'other team' the one Mrs Moany is in? That makes more sense then, the LM wouldn't step in if they feel it is detrimental to that team whilst being too gutless to deliver any feedback themselves but let someone else do it for them

FWIW I also had a colleague who used to moan about --almost all- projects but would never put forward ideas how it could be done any better 'because that's not my job' The colleague would occasionally come up with a brilliant idea and then no-one would take it on board because of the moaning - it does get noticed!

Surely there is more of an issue between the HoD and the LM over this project? Both seem to be using others to deliver the punches!