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Not happy with DS's nursery's staff. Help please :(

6 replies

Chandra · 07/07/2004 16:49

We have been very happy with our current nursery and definitively trust the staff. However, since some time ago DS has become a bit clingy in the mornings and refuses to stay (Having said that, he also refuses to go home at the end of the day). But today, when I arrived, they were showing the nursery around to a couple of new parents, and DS again started hiding behind my legs (but was smiling) when I wanted to pass him to his key worker he refused and made a face as if he was going to cry, she took him anyway and said "You are not going to be horrible now, are you?".

I don't mind if the staff tells DS off if he is doing something wrong (actually I expect they do it), but I didn't like him being told off when he needed some reasurance, further to that we have "No-adjectives-policy" at home so we can say "that's not nice" but we don't say "you are not nice".

Surely, I'm overreacting but given my deficient diplomatic skills in English, can anybody suggest a way to tell the nursery we don't want adjectives without making them resentful?, after all DS spends a great amount of time there and these persons are a very important part of his life, and I will feel terrible if they stop being nice to him as of course, I'm not there to supervise

OP posts:
Chandra · 07/07/2004 16:52

... thought of making clear that we are always told by the nursery what a placid baby DS is so this "horrible " adjective really came as a surprise. By the way, he is 16m old.

OP posts:
muddaofsuburbia · 07/07/2004 16:58

No experience with nurseries so no advice I'm afraid, but I don't think you're overreacting. We have the same "adjectives policy" too - I think you're right.

marialuisa · 07/07/2004 17:04

Chandra, what was the nursery worker's tone of voice like? was it quite cheerful? I know that I regularly say similar things to DD (or did when she was younger) but would never actually call her "horrible" if she did cry. Sometimes a comment like that in a jolly tone of voice can be a very effective way of diverting tears.

Just trying to explain that the nurseryworker may well not understand why you'd be upset as she didn't actually call your DS horrible!

Chandra · 07/07/2004 17:06

Well, it was not jolly, it was more in a tell-offish tone, I think she was a bit stressed about DS throwing a tantrum in front of the prospective new clients...

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marialuisa · 07/07/2004 17:23

ok, but TBH I think you may be over-reacting slightly. She didn't actually call your DS horrible and I can imagine she would be embarrassed in those circs. might not be rational but who amongst us is, all the time?

Would it be possible for you to have a quiet word with her, sort of "I'm concerned that DS is unsettled at the moment, your tone the other day made it sound as if there was some sort of problem and naturally I'm very concerned.."If she's bemused, just say that you find "horrible" a bit of a strong word to use to describe a baby's behaviour and see what she says.

My use of language can be a bit Enid Blytonesque, I worry more about tone, so for me "horrible" isn't a no-no, (don't get me started on "bad" though ) but i suspect I may be a bit old-fashioned about this. And I'm a developmental psychologist by training so should know better!

dinny · 07/07/2004 17:39

I'd have been upset too, Chandra. Don't think it's too much to expect nursery to not use adjectives like that to describe any child. In fact, when dd started her nusery they told me they avoid all labels/use of word naughty etc.

Don't really know best way to go about it - just have a word with the key worker and tell her how you feel. She'll probably be upset you're upset and the situation will be dealt with. Think it's important to air your concern else these things tend to build up. At the end of the day, your child was upset at being handed over at start of the day (as mine usually is) and needed loving reassurance - so did you. Speak out, definitely. Dinny

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