I am a professional in a large commercial firm. I have been struggling massively since returning to work after DS's birth (he's now 4, I took 6 months maternity leave).
I work 4 days p.w. I inevitably work on my day off. There is a long hours culture and I struggle massively keeping on top of both my job and home. Clients and employers expect 24/7 availability. In addition there is a heavy focus on client entertainment - lunches, dinners, drinks, football etc - including overnight travel which impacts childcare and eats massively into my family time.
The culture is very laddish (colleagues are all male with either no kids or SAH wives), and I feel quite isolated. I see no promotion prospects for me without returning to FT work and shifting my priorities. I was told that I was on course for partnership before going on mat leave, but that a new interim employed senior role had been created as a necessary stepping stone to partnership. I was promoted to that senior role, but see no prospect of partnership and I am not even sure that I would want it, as the expectations and demands would be even higher.
I really wanted to make it work as there is a dearth of senior females in my profession, hence flogging away at it over the past 3.5 years, but I have not been coping well over the past 12 months (failed IVF, depression and anxiety, now on anti-depressants) and I have lost all enthusiasm and motivation for the job.
There are perks: I am on a reasonable salary and my manager is fairly flexible about me working from home 1-2 days a week and taking time for childcare emergencies. Every so often there will be a good day and I will feel motivated again, but these days are becoming few and far between and overall I feel miserable a work and constantly anxious about it when not in work.
I have looked for other roles but I am struggling to find the time or energy to properly work out what I want to do as I would need to change direction fairly significantly in order to avoid encountering similar difficulties in a similar role.
After discussion with DH, I have decided to hand my notice in now despite not having another job to go to. I am on a 6 month notice period so would have time to look for something and, worse case scenario, we could probably get by in the short term on DH"s salary alone whilst I continued looking if I hadn't found anything in 6 months -though it would be very tight.
So I intend to hand my notice in (at my appraisal which is not idea but hard to find time to meet him privately). My question is: am I being naive/entitled/mad in walking away from a reasonably well-paid flexible job just because I am unhappy? I have worked in the same firm for over 10 years so I have limited knowledge of what it is like to be back on the market.
Sorry for the ramble. If anyone has made it this far I would be very grateful for any thoughts or advice from you wise mumsnetters.