Working parents - what's your day like? Sorry q long post!

[B1977]

Hi

I have a 5 month old baby boy and will be back to work soon, I work in the centre of London so have 45 minute commute each way. My day away from home is realistically likely to be 7.30 - 6.30, while my son is in nursery. Before I went on maternity leave I often stayed in the office until 7 or 8 pm, so this is worrying me!

What should I expect? Feel free to laugh yourselves silly but I am hoping to do:
6.15 get up, bf, change and play with baby, leave him with dh to dress, feed, and take to nursery.
1 pm go for a swim near work
5.30 leave work, 6.30 fetch baby from nursery, feed, bathe, bf, put him to bed.

7 - 7.45 sit down if poss but prob housework
7.45 pm dinner with dh (he usually starts work earlier but leaves later than me as he deals with the US a lot at work)

8.30 prob need to do some work from home or more housework

10 pm bed!

What are your days like? It scares me how little time I will have with my baby and how hard I will have to work.

Thanks for any comments

Can you afford a cleaner/someone to help with laundry? As if you are working 5 days (are you?) you may find that just keeping the house going takes up your evenings and your weekends in a way which is not fun ...

You got it! I did this for nearly 2 years with a similar commute etc. If you can get DP to pick up or drop off even one or two days a week so you can go in early/stay late that day as a regular thing, that helps (7 years on, and I have no idea why, DH still takes the kids to sch on a Tuesday - I work from home now so really no need - but please don't tell him)

I also went down to 4 days a week - I know it is a financial sacrifice but if you are paying 40% tax on a portion of your salary then it is worth considering. Gettting employer to agree with it not always possible I know.

Don't be afriad to take some shortcuts - running a half full dishwasher/tumble dry and fold instead of ironing/taxis when desperate etc. Get your milk delivered and a weekly internet shop if you don't already. The best advice I had was buy bulk buy tights/socks/baby vests etc to you NEVER run out.

The upside is you will really enjoy having some time to yourself even if you just read a trashy novel on the bus.

Good luck!!

Thanks for messages. Was going to go back 5 days but your points about 4 days make sense, the extra day may be worth it.

Had a cleaner before, but she never did laundry - is this a normal thing to ask cleaners to do? Would help a lot if someone could do that and put things away, baby creates an awful lot more washing than I realised for both him and me and dh (not to mention sofa covers etc.!)

To be honest am already fairly slack on housework e.g. not much ironing goes on here, but my washer dryer (the dryer part) and dishwasher keep breaking down so maybe I could make more effort to work out why and get and keep them fixed!

Would still be interested in further posts about people's different days, as I really don't have a clue how things will work out for us at the moment.

Hi, I went back full time after my first DS was born and it is hard work. He was still waking up to we pretty much left housework until the weekend. My DS went to sleep at 6:30 as well, and my work was very good and let me take 1/2 hour lunch and leave 1/2 hour early. But I did feel that I had no time with my son (nunrsery wasnt very nice but thats another story). Life got better when I went down to 4 days, its much more time for not that much less money if that makes sense!

Hi B1977. This is my day. I have no particular ?tips? by the way but you wanted to see what other days were like so here goes.

I have ds1 age 3.8 and ds2 age 1.8. For both I had to go back after about 5 mths. So I did this:

Get up 6 ish, get ready, put dressing gown back on over clothes (actually that is very important ), wake up baby, bf, get baby dressed. Dh then took baby to CM?s house. I went on the train to work (London like you) and worked about 8.30 to 5.15pm then home by about 6.15pm (dh did pick-up as he works at home). Then get baby ready, bf and to bed.

It?s still quite similar except without the bf now (I found that worked for a while by the way but milk seemed to fade away on its own eventually, when baby was about 10mths).

I avoid housework if at all possible but we have a cleaner. I do the laundry but no-one ever irons the children?s clothes at all. Our cleaner does our ironing. Maybe yours would do laundry too. I am always really behind with putting stuff away and usually have to root around in baskets of clean clothes for things for the children to wear.

And I usually work in the evening a bit most days. But I do work 4 days which is really really valuable for me to have that time with the boys. I would hate to give that up.

So, not sure if that helps or not. But good luck. It will probably be knackering but your baby will be lovely to make up for it.

(sorry v long ? but you did ask!)

Thanks, it all helps me to understand what my new life will be like. I like my job but I am starting to realise what people mean when they talk about juggling.

Have to admit I did not quite get how physical motherhood is, what with all the endless breastfeeding and housework and carrying my baby around - it's making me think, well, if I find it hard work now at home all day with a very nice baby, how will I manage at work and with hopefully another baby at some point? Feel a bit guilty admitting this but I am looking forward to stopping breastfeeding now, although since my boy won't take a bottle I think I'm stuck for a while yet!

I am gaining a lot more respect for working mums (not that I didn't already think they were good, obviously, and no disrespect to the dads on this board).

Any more daily routines? It probably all seems blooming obvious to people already doing it but I am still an innocent!

the night before we pack up the change bag, our bags, lunchboxes etc and they're all lined up in the lounge. dcs clothes for morning too. our clothes are out ready in the bedroom.

I'm up for 6am - if dh doing drop off then I'm ready in 1/2hr and out the door.

If I'm dropping off, I get myself ready and sit down for a cuppa and wait for dcs to wake. dc's up for 7, dressed, breakfast, teeth and out the door.

dh and i both work 4 days - so on our weekday at home we both cook two meals and chill the second one which is then bung in the oven the next day when we walk through the door.

housework - mainly done at weekend, but tend to shove the hoover round after dinner and whilst cbeebies is entertaining and I clean the bathroom whilst the dcs are having their bath.

i do a load of laundry every other evening and one in the morning (am one is left to run and put out to dry in pm)

dh pulls his weight with the housework so we usually spend sat am pulling the house "up to scratch" again, sat pm always in tesco - must do internet shopping really. Sat pm is "our time" and sunday is family day.

we are lucky though as we rarely have to work at home though both do oncall duties.

its a busy old week but once you've got a routine its fine.

a 4 day week and equal responsibilities for childcare, household stuff all make it possible for us.

wow, that was long - hope it was useful!

Make your dh/p pull their weight, inc wrt childcare pick up/drop off
get a cleaner
shop online
work smart

fwiw, my days are

6.15am get up
nag dd, who is 3, to get dressed
Tell ds, who is 9, to get breakfast for them both
have a shower
eat breakfast
leave house with ds at 7.30am
Dh leaves house with dd at 8am
I drop ds at breakfast club at his school, 7.35am
dh drops dd at nursery 8.10am
I get to work at 8am, dh gets to his work at 9am
5pm dh leaves work and collects dd at 5.15pm and ds at 5.30pm
5.45pm I leave work, get home at just gone 6pm
When we get in both children have been fed at after school club or nursery so we all have an hour together before dd has a bath and ds gets his pyjamas on and makes his lunch for the next day. dh and I do our packed lunches for next day too
8pm both children in bed
me here or eating with dh/watching tv/here
10.30 ish we're both in bed
Cleaner comes Tues and Fri
all bills paid by dd
bank account online
I walk at lunchtime
dh goes to badminton on Thurs nights
Sitters is a great babysitting agency

I like our life, it's good and not as frantic as it sounds Good luck

5am start (dictated by ds's waking time),
8am drop off
5.15 pick up
7.30 bed
8 dinner
9.30-10 bed

We share the pick up and drop off and I work 3 days a week, so it feels managable (kind of)!

Good luck!

6am I get up
DS's get up between 6 and 7
DS1 has toast
DS2 has milk
I dress DS2 and DS if time and he is co-operating
I leave for work at 7:20
DH dressing undressed DS
Leave at 7:50
Arrive (DS1 walks) at 8-8:15 (5 min walk)

I colect at 4:30/5
Walk home (5 min to 1/2 hour... he will wander!)
Bath (if bath night)
talk/play with DS1. milk for DS2, bed between 6:30 and 7
Drink for mum

B1977 it is a constant constant juggle but when you get in the swing of it you will get a kick from being back at work I am sure - it is fab using your brain. Not to mention being able to go to the loo when you want and drink cups of coffee before they've gone cold.

BUT I would strongly advise the 4 day thing. I went back originally to 5 days and the marriage really suffered because Saturday and sunday became days full of chores and that really got me & DH down. Having the extra day means you can get all that out of the way and enjoy the weekends more. If you ask your boss for condensed hours you don;t even lose any pay.

Ideally think about paying for as many chores as possible - laundry/ironing/cleaning, and use Tesco's or Ocado online for the weekly shop. If you cook, always always make double and freeze half. And try to do things like bills and stuff in your lunch hour at work.

Of course it's a juggle, and you will want to murder the first single person who rolls their eyes and makes a snarky comment when you leave the office to get to the nursery. But there are so many benefits that make it worthwhile. Give it a good 4/5 months for things to fall into place. Might not be the right choice for everyone but it's fab when it does work out. Good luck

Thanks, this is all very helpful! You all seem to be managing really well so that's very encouraging.

Hi my kids are 14,10,8 & 2 & have always worked full time. The only thing I can stress to you is that you get as much ready as you can the night before eg clothes (I dont mean go to bed in them) but get everything & I mean everything out the night before, if you take a luch then sort that out so you've only got to take it out of the fridge in the morning - its much easier doing it that way & then if I have 15 mins extra in bed in the morning its not so terrible!

& I get up 10 mins before I need to just to have a coffee all on my own!

My day is this with 4 year old and DH working near london and me 30 mintues drive.

6.45am Dh gets up with DD. Get him and her breckie and gets her dressed in clothes I have left out from night before.

7.30 I get up and bath and dressed (in clothes picked out night before)

8am, DH leaves for work, leaving DD watching Tv (shes 4years old)

8.15am I ready ish, Do DD hair, face and teeth.

8.30am, sit down with DD for 10mintues, get her lunch box (which has been done night before)

Leave by 8.45 ish

DD at nursery by 9.15 & me in work by 9.30am (work round corner from nursery

Good luck.

I used to be in the office until quite late every evening, but when I went back to work after DS that was very much curtailed. I don't have a lunch hour now - I get things doine and leave as early as possible.

I 'stagger' the day with DP - one of us goes in late and comes home late, the other early -with childcare to match -so that DS always got the best of each end of the day.

Definitely get a cleaner - and one who will, and has enough time, to do ironing if your wardrobe demands it. Our cleaner gets washing out of the machine and hangs it up - i can't quite reconcile my idea to the idea of someone else dealing with our dirty washinng.

I reduced my hrs by 25% and only live 15mins away from where I work but I still struggled until I got used to it and adjusted things to suit. We now share the nursery drops and pick ups which takes a huge pressure off. If I get time in the pm's (when I'm off) I'll do housework otherwise its at the weekend. Dp has to do all his own ironing, packed lunches and cooks dinner twice a week, and helps with housework etc. If I ever have to work late I get dp to pick ds up otherwise I have to work from home. It will be hard at first but you will get used to it. I definitely adivse trying to reduce your hours though if you can. There are a lot of threads re the flexible working agreements and what you have to do etc. Good luck with it all!

Not working, but student

6am wake up
6.30am gets ds's up and dressed
7am ds's breakfasted
7.30am leave
8.25am ds's drop at nursery
9.15am I start
5.15pm pick up boys
6pm get home, bath boys, lay out clothes for next day, do bag for next day
7pm boys down, time for tea, work and chill out

DH looks after DS (9 months) so it's a little different, but DS does go to nursery one day a week so on that day this is our routine:

6am or before - get up with DS. I change nappy, DH makes bottle. I give DS bottle.

6.30 ish - have coffee while DS plays. DH/I have shower and get dressed while other looks after DS.

7.30 ish - give DS breakfast then get him washed and dressed.

8 ish - get stuff ready for nursery.

8.30 ish - take DS to nursery and DH drops me a work.

5 ish - collect DS from nursery.

6 ish - I give DS bath, then quiet playtime.

6.45 ish - DH/I give DS bottle, then bed.

8 ish - DH and I have dinner.

Go to bed far too late because I get hooked on MN.

On the other days the routine's the same except I leave for work around 8 am and DH gives DS his breakfast a bit later. I generally get home around 5.30pm (I live 15 mins from work).

choosing the clothes your child wears to nursery will help, things that don;t need ironing.My friends cleaner irons five shirts a week too which helps out a lot.Also table clothes and messy mats for the floor save alot of cleaning and hoovering. Good luck.

I think my day was pretty similar to yours when I was working (on maternity leave now - how soon you forget!).

The thing that tended to go pearshaped was that if DS was ill/teething/whatever and his sleep went haywire, it was a struggle just to eat a meal and brush teeth before going to bed.

It is definitely worth making the effort to go for a swim at lunchtime - it is great for clearing your head and giving yourself an energy boost.

I would definitely say do an online shop - you don't want to spend your free time trudging round the supermarket.

Even if it is just to cover you for a couple of months when you go back to work I would get a cleaner - this will mean that you can plan to go to bed at 8pm if necessary while you are still finding your feet. I too found it difficult to maintain bf after going back to work - if they don't want to feed when you want to feed them it becomes a bit of a struggle. I definitely felt that I had a bit of baby blues when I went back to work, through a mixture of hormonal changes from suddenly stopping bf during the day, and then stopping, and trying to be superwoman.

OK - I am lucky in that my work is 10 minutes away and I am a teacher...but we do not finish at 3.30 as most people believe, but I do get lovely holidays! I breastfeed both of my dds till there where 2 so it is possible to keep on going!

My day with a 5 year old and 2 year old is like this:

6.20 get up (actually ddddddh brings me a cup of tea)
7.00 the dds get up and dd1 gets herself dressed, dh gets dd2 dressed.
7.50 I leave the house
8.00 dh leaves.
5.20 I pick dd1 up from after school club
5.30 I pick dd2 up from nursery (nursery closes at 5.30 so I have to pick her up by then)
6.00 give the dds tea
7pm bed

I then do work (well at the moment as I am just pregnant I sleep)

We do not do baths on school nights - an early night is more important!

I do the min house work I can. I clean the bathrooms, I vachumn, change beds, clean kitchen. Everything else waits till either it makes me feel ill or it is the holidays.
Dh does the washing and the shopping. I bring more work home than he does.

If that was to me cat64 it's not out of choice believe me! DS bless him wakes up around 5.45 every morning without fail and starts crying to get up within a few minutes. On the other four days of the week I try to leave as early as I can for work (8am at the latest) and I like as much time as possible with DS beforehand. And since DH is looking after DS all day I can hardly leave him to sort everything out in the early morning as well!