Bereavement Leave

[Mablethorpe]

My dear father passed away last Friday aged 66.

He was very important to me and I feel cast adrift in grief.

So far my boss has been understanding - knew my dad was ill, says he'll do whatever he can to help etc. However, every day since Tuesday he's been calling me to ask about work related things, which I have discussed with him. Today he rang and said he couldn't find some particular paperwork despite me telling him where it was yesterday and got shirty with me when I told him where it was again - he then found it.

I'm an office manager in a smallish business, only admin person there at all.

What are my rights to leave? I know I won't be back next week as my DFs funeral is on Wednesday and I just don't feel ready. I'm also involved in the funeral planning which is taking up every day.

I am wary of my boss - he can be difficult and makes like unpleasant when he wants to. Feel sick with worry about what he will say and family all telling me to just go to GP and get signed off with stress...

What is the policy for compassionate leave? Ours is three days inclusive of the date of the funeral. Any further time has to either be unpaid or covered by a sick note if warranted.

Im NHS - we get 5 days. Anything outside of that would be unpaid/annual leave/sick leave.

We get 5 days (including funeral) but when my father died I was told I could by my immediate manager that I could have up to 10 days (including funeral) as compassionate leave with exceptional circumstances (df died overseas and I had to be involved in repatriation/local bureaucracy). In the event I was off Monday to Thursday, went in briefly on the Friday and then back on the Monday. Took a day for funeral arrangements and then a day for the funeral. I actually found being in work helpful (with the caveat that they were keen for me to do as much as I felt comfortable doing, and everyone was very kind) because I felt totally floored when at home with nothing to think about. My brother found it very hard indeed partly because he wasn't working at the time. But everyone deals with things differently.

Mine was 3 days, with an additional 3 at managers discretion - my body was at work but I cant remember that month at all

It should be in your contract about the extent of paid leave, but i was shocked at how small it was in a "average" employee contract given the size of the event.

We get five days, but my GP signed me off for a month, no questions asked, when my DM died last year.

We officially get 3 days for a "first degree" family member, but I think a GP certificate should get you the time you need. So sorry about your dad xxx

As far as I am aware there is no legal entitlement for compassionate/bereavement leave, so it will depend on your company's policy. You may have to use your annual leave or be signed off sick if you want to have more time than your employer's policy allows.

I'm really sorry about your dad, hope your boss starts to be more understanding and leaves you alone to grieve.

I am sorry for your loss

I think it is unkind for your boss to be contacting you during this time

I would have ignored any work phone calls

People have time off work for all sorts of reasons and for short and long periods of time and work has to continue and processes should be put in place

Only you will know if you will need more time off work in the near future.

Your priority is with your family at this time, not work

We get three days, but my GP signed me off for a month when my mother died, no questions.

If you are registering the death, organising the funeral and executing the will, 3 days is nowhere near enough time. If you're just going to the funeral, 3 days is enough logistically, but grief can take years, and many people will take far longer than 3 days before they're approaching normal functionality again.

I'm sorry to hear about your dad.

As others have said, you don't have any statutory entitlement to bereavement leave. Most companies offer compassionate leave for immediate family bereavements of 2/3 days, and then often allow employees to take annual leave/unpaid leave for a few additional days. After that if you need longer off it might be a case of getting signed off by your GP if your employer isn't happy to agree a longer period of annual leave/unpaid leave.

Regarding the phone calls, are we talking once a day, or several times? If you're the only person doing what you do then I can see that queries might arise. Is there no one else you can 'brief' to be able to answer your boss's queries/deal with your stuff? How about not answering the phone, checking your voicemail once a day and sending an email with the answers to any queries that day?

The alternative is you specifically request that he leave you alone, but I think if you're going to do that you need to establish on what basis you are absent from work.

Unfortunately there is no statutory entitlement and is often left to the goodwill of your employer. I have seen the good and bad of managers when it came to compassion!

I worked for one manager ( a real bully) and this manager was totally arbituary in what was given to people for bereavement/compassionate leave: EG

one employee was given an extended lunch break in order for her to attend her mother's funeral (the extra 1.5 hours to be worked back later in the week). Told she could not have the whole day off even with annual leave because manager was meeting up with friends that day and she needed to unlock/lock the premises.

another employee given a week's paid compassionate to help her friend whose father had died make funeral arrangements and clear the house

another employee who only worked 2 evenings (3 hour shifts) a week given a paid shift off for the death of her aunt. When asked the next day how the funeral went she said 'oh the funeral is not till later in the week(on non working day) but needed time off to do some cooking for the wake!

another employee whose young daughter was in critical care with meningitis refused compassionate leave and was told she had to come in for shift because 'I run a business not a charity'. Employee left shortly afterwards.

These all happened over 20 years ago and the manager is long gone but did not make for a happy working atmosphere.

Another employer gave my colleague 3 months paid compassionate leave when her dh was dying - colleague had asked for unpaid leave to be with him during his last weeks but employer decided to pay her. That was really lovely.

When my dad died I found it incredibly hard to cope and my GP gave me three weeks, with "bereavement" under reason. It actually helped me as I felt that someone recognised that I was in the middle of such a dark period, and allowed me to focus on grieving rather than worrying that I needed to pull myself together.

I should also say that work were really supportive and told me to take as long as I needed. I was lucky.

Our work gives up to 5 days compassionate leave, then they tell you to take what you need and come back when ready. What they don't make clear is when you are back you'll need to decide whether to take the extra days as annual leave or unpaid leave.

Might be best to get to gp and ask if it's possible to get a sick line to cover it.

Sorry for your loss x

I am shocked at how little people in the nhs get i work in retail and when my mum died recently i was given 3 weeks at full pay no questions asked no hassle just a couple of phone calls to keep them imformed i cant imagine only 3 days for such a significant and upsetting event.