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Original poster

Is our new childminder lying to me?

20 replies

bron42 · 06/07/2004 14:17

DS (17 1/2 mths) has been visiting new childminder over past weeks to introduce him to her. He started just with her this week, 1 and a half days only.
She is a registered minder and seems well established within the group of minders in the area. Always happy and DS seems to have settled in well. Have not felt 100% about him with her, maybe cos his first childminder was so lovely and experienced.
Yesterday pm picked him up, told me that he'd had wet and dirty nappy as I was leaving house. Read his book when I went in. He was changed within 1/2 hour of arriving (wet) (nappy had been changed 20 mins earlier by me) and hour later (dirty) according to book. Three nappies missing from bag, OK one nappy gone (where?) (Same Monday, 3 changed, 4 nappies gone).BUT what I am upset about is, nappy he had on when I dropped him off was still on him when I checked him at home. How do I know? Put a pull up on him for pm and only put Pampers normal nappies in bag. Plus, nappy was dirty and very heavy. Poo had obviously dried and been there a while (not too much thankfully) but bum sore (which rarely is). Was so upset, not so much because of lack of changing but because of the lying. Why take nappies, and why lie. DH, who is more level headed than me!!! says maybe she forgot to change him and wrote it in the book to cover up but why take all nappies. Am I making a big thing over nothing, or does lying once lead to other cover ups?
Please advice what you would do.
Can manage without childcare in two weeks as teaching stops. Should I give another chance or call it a day?

OP posts:

Northerner · 06/07/2004 14:20

Hmmm. I'd just ask her. When ds first started nursery I thought they were stealing nappies. Turns out they keep a stash there so they never run out. Do speak to her though all you'll never rest!

nutcracker · 06/07/2004 14:21

I have to say that from what you have said it does sound as though she is lying.
I use to be childminder and to leave a child in nappy all day is terrible.

Like you siad if she is lying about that then what else could she be lying about.

It would make me feel very uneasy about it i have to admitt.
Not entirly sure what i would do though.

CountessDracula · 06/07/2004 14:22

Oh dear, I would be worried about the lying not necessarily the stealing (there could be other explanations eg one of the other kids pulled the nappies out, they got wet etc)

I think if you ask her about the day that ds's nappy was not changed all day she will have to give you an explanation.

hana · 06/07/2004 14:23

I used to leave a pack of nappies at the childminder's and when they were all gone she'd ask for more. If I didn't leave a pack, I'd just add up how many dd would use in a normal day and then add one or two extra. I found that at childminders and then at nursery they changed her a lot more than I would do myself - probably to cover themselves.
Can't figure out why she is writing down the change and then not doing it?? Strange.

mothernature · 06/07/2004 14:25

Bron42, what can I say, poor baby...did you get her checked out? has she supplied you with references? have you spoken to other mothers/carers who use her as a minder? if your not comfortable about it approach her, your child is the most important person here, she should understand, there maybe an explanation she may have used another pull up if shes looking after a few it easy sometime to get mixed up whos wearing which type of nappy, she should not feel as though you don't trust her she should understand if she's not guilty of anything. - I speak from experience I am an ex-childminder, approach her and ask....if only to set your mind at rest.

blossomhill · 06/07/2004 14:25

You poor thing, how upsetting for you. If she cannot even do a basic thing such as keep your ds in clean nappies I personally would feel very disheartened. Feel really sorry for you and not sure what I would do, perhaps talk to her about your concerns. If you are not happy with the response you get then maybe have a re-think.
Good luck

twiglett · 06/07/2004 14:26

message withdrawn

marialuisa · 06/07/2004 14:26

Wouldn't be worried about the nappies going Missing but would be VERY concerned about him not being changed all day. That's downright cruel in my book and i honestly don't see how you could "forget" to change a nappy all day!

jampot · 06/07/2004 14:28

I would be very worried if she is lying - which it sounds as though she is. How can you forget to change a nappy if you have a routine?

Also as Nutty said, what else could she be lying about?

When my ds was at a private nursery (mornings only) my mil used to pick him up and have him for the afternoon (for a couple of months). One day ds fell backwards off a bench and banged his head. When MIL went to collect him she signed the accident book and was informed of his accident. Luckily the assistant manager rang me as she knew I had a few problems with MIL and she told me about the accident. 3 days later MIL told me he'd had a little knock to the head that day at nursery but it was nothing to worry about. SHe'd tried to cover up the fact that she was told 3 days before but had failed to tell me so pretended it had only just happened

sis · 06/07/2004 14:36

I would be worried because the trust is essential in a parent's relationship with a childminder. If she lies about such a minor matter, what would happen if she did something really bad (by accident) - would she lie to cover herself or let you know?

I'd also want to know why his dirty nappy was left on until the poo had dried? Is he perhaps soiling more nappies because she has changed his diet slightly?

gold123 · 06/07/2004 14:36

I would mention it to her, that you noticed that he was still in the same nappy that you had placed on him and see what the response is. Also, I know you don't want to test her with your son, but, if he is going again another day, make sure you note what pattern/picture is on the front of the nappy, change him into a pampers before you take him, then she won't just change him to trick you into thinking she has. Hope that makes sense

I'm sure there is an explanation for this, try not to worry

WideWebWitch · 07/07/2004 01:44

Hmm, I wouldn't be worried about the no of nappies (maybe she has some, who knows?) but I would be worried about lying and him being in the same nappy all day. I'd change cm I think. Can't think of a single legitimate reason for him being in the same nappy if the book says he was changed.

princesspeahead · 07/07/2004 01:53

Bron, you can't leave him with a woman who doesn't change his nappy for a whole day. And who lies about it! It would be quicker to change his nappy than write that stuff in the book.... she is wierd. Trust your instincts and take him away from her now...

Original poster

bron42 · 07/07/2004 02:14

Just to put all your minds at rest - he was only in the same nappy for 3 hours! as it was his half day with her, not all day. If it had been all day that would have been it!!No question about calling it quits with her.
Many thanks for all your useful comments.
Mothernature - she is registered with our local council and part of the local area childminder group. Was recommended by my DS cm (although not her first choice, second). She has two other children to mind plus at least 2 kids for school drop off and pick ups. I am perhaps concerned that her load is too heavy from 3.30-5.30pm and this might explain the not changing. Have not spoken to any other parents as only been with her fully this week. Was happy with her minding over past few weeks when he has been with her to get used to her. ALTHOUGH (!) when I picked him up Monday, his face was dirty after tea and had not been cleaned. There is one thing I have a problem with and that's not cleaning a child's face. Might not bother some mums but if I was a cm, it would be priority to ensure children were cleaned up after eating.Could feel me getting uptight so decided to get a wipe from his bag and clean his face before I left her to show her that's what I expected. Guess, I didn't have the nerve to question his face. Would others be the same?.
Sis - he hadn't had a poo that day funnily enough so was no more than usual, if that makes sense. He's not with her long enough to change his diet, I guess.

OP posts:

WideWebWitch · 07/07/2004 02:17

I reckon you're right, she's pushed for time. It sounds like you're not sure about her really, so I'd go with your instincts.

carlyb · 07/07/2004 02:33

bron24 - like www said - go with your instincts. It sounds as if you are really unsure of this woman. I would find somebody else that you feel ok with, otherwise this will worry you.

SoupDragon · 07/07/2004 11:16

It doesn't really matter whether she's stealing nappies or not changing your DS. The only thing that matters is that you don't trust her and are not happy with the arrangements.

If you do want to keep her as your childminder then why not try a non-confrontational "DS had a bit of nappy rash on Wednesday which is really unusual for him. Did you notice anything when you changed him? Can you change him more regularly today blah blah blah" This lets her know that you noticed he hadn't been changed and that you're on to her.

Still, at the end of the day if you do not have complete trust in her, make alternative arrangements.

dinny · 07/07/2004 11:36

Go with your instincts, Bron42 and call it a day.

gscrym · 07/07/2004 11:45

I agree with everyone else, the missing nappies aren't a big deal but the thing that's worrying is you're not 100% happy with her. I know what trying to get short notice childcare is like. If you don't feel 100% happy with her, it's maybe worth calling the arrangement a day and using the summer to find another solution (I take it you're a teacher). If you feel she's lying to you, you'll start to question everything and feel very uncomfortable.

Original poster

bron42 · 08/07/2004 01:43

Thanks again for all the positive support. You have all reassured me that I was not taking it all too seriously. I think I must go with my instincts. I need help over the next 2 wks but after that I can manage until Sept. I am going to address the nappy situation when I drop him on Monday morning, and use a similar comment to Soupdragon's, which in non-confrontational. I just don't want her taking it out on DS. I am grateful to the CM at Mumsnet who rightly say that when challenged, if she is innocent then she should welcome my comments. If she reacts badly then I know she was lying. Will keep you informed (that's if you want to know!!)

OP posts:

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