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childcare in difficult circumstances (sad)

9 replies

Kittypickle · 04/07/2004 14:12

I'm very sorry, this is not happy reading and I'm hesitant in posting it but I am going to as I feel people will have helpful suggestions. The mother of one of the girls in dd's class has terminal cancer. She is extremely ill at the moment and her husband has asked one of my friend's (one of her nurses with a child in the same class) to give him details of local childminders. She gave him the details of one she had used, having checked the local website which the childminder had recently updated saying she had vacancies. When the husband rang, the childminder said she was actually full. We suspect that she isn't but didn't want to get involved in the situation, which is fair enough, as the children (a girl & a boy both at first school)really do need stability. They have had a nanny whilst the youngest was still at nursery during the last episode of her illness, but she appeared better and was able to look after the children again and has managed to do so since a reoccurence about 6 months ago.

My friend and I were discussing it and we feel he is going to have trouble finding a local childminder, so I would like to find some other options that she could give him. Has anyone any suggestions ? I think money is a real issue, but I'm not sure and sadly unless there is a miracle time is not on her side and I think for everyone's sake something needs to be sorted out pretty quickly. My friend suggested an aupair whilst we were talking but I don't think this would be a good solution for various reasons. Any suggestions would be welcome so I can pass them on. Many thanks.

OP posts:
Toothache · 04/07/2004 14:18

Oh Kittypickle, how terrible.

motherinferior · 04/07/2004 14:25

KP, could you possibly talk to the Macmillan nurses? It just strikes me that they might have suggestions/contacts, and also backup so that a mainstream childminder might be happy to take them on.

Could you also ring the National Childminders Association for a chat which might produce some advice?

I am so very sorry.

bundle · 04/07/2004 14:30

kittypickle, how terribly sad, and I'm quite shocked, if it's true, that the childminder wasn't willing to take them on. i have no bright ideas re: alternatives but macmillan is a good start, I'm sure they will have experienced this before. x

Blu · 04/07/2004 14:32

Kittypickle - this is so sad, and of course you must ask for help!
I can't think of any alternative solutions, except that I wonder if an older 'grandma' age childminder without little ones of her own might find it easier to give the attention and support that is going to be needed.
TBH, I suspect that the childminder is chickening out - all they will be asked to do is their job, and act as normally as possible. I wonder if the poor man could explain this directly to a childminder and get it out in the open? Also, would it be possible for family to provide back-up during the most difficult times, and for him to take the maximum compassionate leave from work.
I agree with you that an au pair doesn't sound ideal - could he afford a nanny for 6 months or so?

bundle · 04/07/2004 14:37

just noticed that macmillan were saying that lots of terminally ill people don't claim the benefits they're allowed (automatic if you have a life expectancy of 6 mths or less) so a little money may help their situation

bundle · 04/07/2004 14:40

Cancer Research UK's guide to benefits

Galaxy · 04/07/2004 14:49

message withdrawn

Kittypickle · 04/07/2004 15:04

Thank you all so much for your help. I suspect the childminder chickened out and I feel that it's probably better that way than agreeing to look after them and changing her mind later. He will apparently be working from home very shortly. He does have his mother close by, but she is that bit older so he needs to have something else sorted. I think he's still in denial at what's happening as they have been here twice before. My gut feeling is an older lady who could take them to school, fetch them and look after them in the school holidays. I think financially they are very stretched from having to employ the nanny last time - that link is a big help Bundle, I'll make sure that gets passed on. It's all a very difficult situation - I don't know if the majority of people realise exactly how ill she is - she got discharged from hospital for a couple of days last week and amazingly she made it to the school fayre at the end of the week, an amazing woman. Galaxy, that number would be great, many many thanks.

OP posts:
bundle · 04/07/2004 15:26

kittypickle, feel really moved by this situation. here's another link - a cancer bacup guide to talking to children about terminal cancer

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