Dilemma - Should I get a job? (sorry very long)

[nogoes]

I feel incapable of making a decision at the moment. So I am hoping that you lot can point me in the right direction.
I have one ds (2.7) I decided not to return to work following my maternity leave because financially after paying for childcare I was going to be hardly any better off, I was promised a payrise and promotion which did not transpire and I was frightened that I would end up murdering someone if I did return. Ds was not walking at 12 months and the idea of leaving him in a nursery where he would have to rely on other people just made me feel really sad even though I had found a good nursery. I am a perfectionist and was worried that I would not be able to do my job as well as before particularly with regards to taking time off etc.
Fast forward 18 months and I have had time to revaluate my life, I had thought that maybe I would decide on a career change but having time out as made me realise that I would like to stick with what I am good at.
Okay (if you are still listening ) These are my reasons for returning to work:

• Eventually I want to be self employed and work freelance and I am worried that if I don't go back soon no one will want to offer me work.
• We are totally skint and I am fed up with not being able to afford to get my boots reheeled and generally looking like a scruff.
• I don't look like the old me. I still have weight to lose and I am not as well groomed as I was before so I am thinking that returning to work might turn me into the person I was before.
• I feel out of touch with the other world, iyswim.
• Ds is currently in nursery for a couple of sessions a week and really enjoys it. Reasons for not returning:
• Until ds is 3 we will still struggle financially and I will probably have to take a paycut as I have not worked for 3 years.
• I want to try for a baby soon and I don't want employers to think that I came back to work just to get maternity pay as this is the last thing on my mind. *It will break my heart to leave ds all day (I will only return for a maximum of 3 days).
• I still have the issue of taking time off when ds is sick etc as I have noone who can help me out with emergency childcare.

I really sympathise with you, because it sounds as if your quality of life won't improve very much (if at all) in the immediate term if you return - the benefit of earning some money and regaining your self-image will, you feel, be offset by the emotional cost of leaving your child and the financial costs of childcare.

I am also a SAHM, of a 2.4 year old. My immediate financial position is OK, though I too would like more money for clothes, make-up, going out with girlfriends and other self-image items. I get lots of foreign holidays and restaurants and cleaning help in the house and I have a large budget for food because my partner is very happy to pay for those things for the family - he has a much harder time giving me money to spend as I would like (so I occasionally dig into my savings, but that makes me feel cross).

However, if you have an employer who is happy to take you back for three days a week, have you tried negotiating even fewer days? I'd love to work for 2 days a week when my daughter starts pre-school (next September) and to be honest, although I adore being with her, I can feel that she will be more than ready for pre-school by then (at 2.10 years).

If your son is truly happy at nursery, maybe it IS time to return.

Thanks Anna