Hi there,
I have been diagnosed with inattentive ADD as an adult and I'm on medication which helps a bit. Does your son take any medication?
It is a tricky one. It's easy to fall into a pit of poor self-esteem and despair when you focus on your deficits, thinking, well I'm broken and therefore can't contribute to the world. I often feel like I missed a memo in life, the one that tells you how to keep your day to day life in order and together.
What helps me is firstly focusing on strengths, being reminded what you ARE good at and what you do bring to the world. Keep reminding your son of those things.
Secondly, the practical things that help people with ADHD-PI a lot are:
- structure
- accountability
- rewards
- strategy helpers, e.g. Apps and websites
You can help with all those. For structure, you can help him make a timetable/routine for his day, with things broken into steps as necessary. Then instead of facing a huge block of 5 hours every day, his timetable tells him exactly what to do, when.
Accountability is an easy one to help with if he is willing. It helps so much to know someone's following what you're doing and will ask later what you've done. Agree on what he's comfortable with you following up and overseeing. Sometimes this feels like you're being treated like a child. But actually I think it's okay for adults to say, this is a weakness of mine, and I appreciate your help while I figure out how to do it better independently.
Rewards are something you can suggest he build into his timetable. People with ADHD can find it harder than others to delay gratification so it's a good thing to practise. Put 15 mins of fun after 45 mins boring web searching. Have a biscuit break built into the afternoon schedule, etc.
Strategy helpers - I use Wunderlist as a really good basic to do list app, and I like that you can access the same list on your phone and computer. Any time something pops into my head, I immediately make a to do for it before I forget. It helps not get distracted and go on tangents. Trello is a very good project management app, also for PC and phone, which lets you track progress of things. You could use it to keep track of job applications.
Thirdly, make sure he's getting daily exercise and good food. Again the exercise can go into his timetable, just a 45 minute walk is beneficial if he's not already doing regular exercise. My GP put me on daily magnesium and omega 3 supplements too.
Everything will also depend on your son's attitude. The motivation has to come from him in the end. ADHD is frequently co-morbid with other mental issues like depression and anxiety, so just be a listening ear and a shoulder for him too, should he need to talk, and keep encouraging him in the good qualities you see in him.
I don't know if any of that is helpful for what you were asking, but I hope it helped someone out there anyway!