Think I got an unofficial warning today.

[MyGastIsFlabbered]

I've been signed off work for 2 weeks with MH issues, I was off for 2 weeks previously at the end of last year. I'm really struggling, I've been assessed as having EUPD, I'm going through a horrible, horrible divorce, 2 weeks ago I nearly took myself to A&E as I was suicidal. Work know what I've been going through.

I'm due to go back to work tomorrow but had a meeting with my boss today. She said that things have to change, I haven't been working to my full capacity, there's a lot of bad feeling in the office due to my colleague feeling she's carrying me and I'm now going to be micromanaged. I have to turn over a new leaf and sort it out fast.

I've had problems with my colleague since I started, just low level stuff, but I brought it up with my manager a few months ago and was just told to speak to my colleague when I didn't know how to do something (this was a very minor issue in all the things I brought up).

I accept that I dropped the ball at work but I felt going to work and doing what I was capable of was better than not going in at all. I've honestly been doing my best, and thought it was enough. I'm having huge problems with anxiety and this really hasn't helped, I don't know how I'm going to face work tomorrow now.

Any advice on how to make this right? My initial impulse is to hand my notice in and get signed off for my notice period but I'll never get a decent reference if I do that. I went back to see my dr yesterday and he was more than happy to sign me off work for longer but I wanted to try and go back.

My divorce is due back in court next month and I have to move so my stress levels are likely to increase, I just don't know how I can manage it.

My understanding (and other please correct me if I'm wrong) there is no such thing as an unofficial warning.

If a manager has an issue with you they need to tell you specifically what the issue/s is/are and you formulate a plan for how you're to resolve them, actions which are measurable.

If you fail on that you get a written warning and I think it's three max and then they can sack you (but would have to be able to show the constructive plan they made with you and how you failed to achieve any of the targets/actions given).

If you believe they want to oust you on MH issues then it's a case of looking at their policy on sickness etc and being sure that they have followed correct procedure.

I'm getting the idea this is a GP practice so there should be over-arching NHS guidelines as well as local ones - presumably the CCG who operates that practice would have a policy on how they handle it and accommodating your illness/need to have appointments etc and so on.

Wish you the best. Being miserable at work is - well, miserable and certainly does absolutely nothing at all to help you, in fact quite the opposite.

I guess I called it an unofficial warning because many moons ago I got a verbal warning at work and they actually told me it was a verbal warning. They didn't at my first meeting, nor did they really give me tangible targets to aim for. I think telling me they'd talk to me on the Monday then basically ignoring me until the Wednesday is unacceptable, particularly when they know anxiety is a huge problem for me.

I agree. It's very poor management. Sorry you're going through it.

I spoke to my manager today and she made no attempt to get me to change my mind. But in other news, I have an interview on Wednesday. Not sure quite how to approach my amount of sickness/ reasons for leaving. I know I have to be upfront about it but am unsure quite how to word it.

Gast, re your sickness record, I would say nothing for now to any new prospective employer, especially not at interview time.

Focus 100% on getting on well in the interview (the one on Wednes or any other one). Build a good rapport at the interview, showcase your skills and what you can do for the company. You are under no obligation to declare your MH challenges at the interview, in fact, it is critical they see you for you, and not discriminate against you.

Only when you are certain of a new job offer, should you discuss the situation with your current employer, to ask them to assist you with a basic reference, to give you a chance to get new employment. When you hand in your notice, remind them of your MH challenges plus that you have DC, and ask if they will be willing to give you a basic reference, dates of employment and basics such as role duties.

Your sickness record is what it is, a new company will either take you on face value or they won't. So I wouldn't feel forced into saying anything yourself, the less said, the better.