Fransmom - They CANNOT take disciplinary action against you for taking time off for dependants. TOFD is a statutory right. If they took disciplinary action and eventually dismissed you on the back of it, they would be looking at losing at a tribunal for unfair dismissal.
There are no limits on how often you can be off under this legislation.
There was a case a couple of years ago where a woman was sacked after 17 occasions. It was found to be an unfair dismissal as she was merely exercising her statutory right (her child was special needs too) and she had followed the company reporting every time.
This is a blatant threat which is bang out of order. I would raise a formal grievance if I were you.
The law states that you are entitled to take time of in an emergency (sudden or unexpected) to care for a dependent such as a child. This covers sickness, breakdown in care arrangements, etc. The law is vague as to how long you can take, it states reasonable and suggests one or two days should be enough to cover the initial emergency and to sort out alternative care. Each case should be considered on its own merits and personal circumstances.
The key thing here is that you follow the company procedure exactly with regards to reporting the absence. They will have a policy no doubt to state what you have to do if you are absent (phone in by a certain time etc, who to notify, what happens upon return etc). You must state the reason you are absent, how long you expect to be absent for, and if you can't be specific you should give an estimate and keep them informed on a regular basis.
There are a few buts. If a company think you are abusing the right, like taking time off and saying its for a child when it isn't, they could look at disciplinary for conduct - lying, loss of trust and confidence etc. The difficulty is that the company would have to prove it first and how would they know (unless someone is completely stupid and get caught red handed). A company can ask for proof but you are under no obligation to provide it.
The other issue is if you needed say a week or more to care for a sick child, if you couldn't get any other help for example. At my company, we 'allow' the first 2 days as TOFD then would look to offer holiday or more unpaid time off. We have an absence procedure where each occasion counts against you so on occasions any time in excess of 2 days (but depending on the individual circumstances) would then count as an unauthorised absence but even from a company/hr view this is a bit tricky to deal with.
For the record, school closure days would not count as TOFD as they are pre-arranged. Though a person could say that the person booked to look after the child that day was themselves ill!
Personnel manager needs to learn the legislation - people like her put the profession into disrepute!
CAT me if you want anymore info.