Evening
I went back to work about 2 months ago after having DD (she's now 13 months). My employer was very accommodating with my request to go part time, giving me the days & hours I wanted. I had to take a demotion but I was ok with that. BUT. Even though on the face of it I should be finding things easy - they gave me everything I asked for after all - I am really struggling. I feel like everything I touch at work turns to crap, which is even worse as this job should be easy compared to what I was doing before. I feel like I'm pissing off my team as they have to cover me on the days I'm not in, which I feel like they are starting to get resentful about, even though the management signed off my days/hours. I'm the only person who's ever come back to work here after mat leave and I'm the only person working part time, plus only 2 other people in the whole company have kids (older, so not in the same boat as me). One person said to me 'I don't have kids but I have a dog so I know what it's like'!!! Feel totally isolated in that no-one understands, just expects me to be the same person I was before. I definitely over-committed to work before DD, obviously I can't do that now but (am made to) feel like I'm letting colleagues down now if I 'just' work my hours. Have been doing unpaid overtime at night to try to minimise what the team has to cover in my absence. I am absolutely exhausted, feel so guilty that I'm tired on the days I have with DD, feel guilty I'm doing a crap job at work and being a burden on the team, and guilty that I'm only bringing in a pittance money wise 'only' doing part time. Feel like I have literally nothing left to give, but am not doing a good job at anything in my life! Please tell me this will get easier, or help me get some perspective, I am going crazy!!