Girlfriend made to feel uncomfortable at work

[Bugeatsbread]

Looking for some opinions on a work matter regarding my gf.
Posted on dadsnet but doesn't seem to be many people there.

She works in events. The team is small, she has one line manager just for her, and there are 3 other women at her level managed by an overall manager.

They occasionally have to work away on the lead up to events, and work meals are booked at a restaurant chosen by the aforementioned managers. I should make it clear that these meals are not mandatory, in some instances they would be as they include a debriefing meeting for the day but this is not currently the case. Back at the hotel these managers usually stay drinking at the hotel bar and are usually accompanied by a couple of the other women.

Now, when the event comes around they stay away for a couple of weeks to prep, hold the event, and then breakdown.
During this prep week my gf turned down one of the evening meals, she told her line manager that she instead wanted to go and clean up and rest in her hotel room as she had been doing a particularly messy job that day.

The next day her line manager pulled her aside and asked her if she was ill, she replied she was not. She re-explained why she decided not to attend the meal.
He then said that he'd like to give her some advice, that this advice was passed down to him in his years at the organisation under the overall manager of the team. He said her work performance is excellent and she'd done a good job, that one of the women my gf works with is especially good at this ("this" referring to the point he's about to make - not the work), that he doesn't agree with it ("it" again being the point he is preparing to get to), but it's just how things are.......and then proceeded to finally get to his point: she needs to attend after-work social meals/drinks because when the director for their department visits during the actual 3 day event the only time she is going to interact with him is during late night evening drinks, and not doing so would negatively impact her career progression and promotion chances.

Any thoughts on this? Is this "just the way it is?"
Call me old fashioned but I thought career progression was based upon the excellent job you are doing, and that your direct managers would communicate this performance further up the ladder and recommend you for promotion?

This has made her feel very uncomfortable and I was looking for some opinions on this and how best she might raise the issue?

Or are we blowing this out of proportion?

I agree with everyone, it's important to show that you're willing to socialise and make the effort, it shows you're a team player etc... I usually go along for a few drinks then head off quietly; I get tired and need my beauty sleep! I would never not go altogether, it would be rude/odd.

It's particularly annoying if it involves pressure to drink alcohol on someone who doesn't want to.

Who says you have to drink? I've worked in lots of different companies and done lots of event overnighters and trips, I never really have a drink these days because if I have to get up early and have a busy day I want to feel great in the morning, and I get tired so I can't stay up too late (well maybe occasionally at the end of a trip!).

She has to choose your attitude: make up that she is a victim and has no choice or take it positively. It's good manners and great for morale and relationships to make an effort to go for dinner/drinks; just subtly order a tonic water with ice and lemon, explain you're useless at drinking if anyone notices, and while you're there be bright and friendly - make sure you mingle and get involved for the first hour, say - then make your excuses (I need my 8 hours or whatever, see you for breakfast bright and early - well I will be!). I'm an expert at it and it's never been a problem. Getting to know people in a social setting builds trust and makes working life smoother in the long run.

I would say this is about being known as a team player and mucking in - even with the post event or dinner drinks.

Scuttling off to your room on your own immediately after dinner isn't a good idea. Everyone has days when they don't feel like socialising so you go along, have a Diet Coke or a mineral water, stay for half an hour and then leave. There's no need to be the last to bed or the one drinking everyone else under the table.

Tell her to read the book 'Lean In'. Not getting involved in socialising AKA networking to go and tidy up her hotel room will do no favours to her career. She needs to be more strategic - go along when invited, join in enthusiastically with the de-brief or planning or chit-chat over a soft drink. Not necessarily stay too long or until the bitter end, though. Especially if others are drinking and a higher up manager hasn't attended.

All credit to those who force themselves to do it but I wouldn't.

I absolutely refuse to do the socialising and keep people very much at arm's length.

I have always kept work and personal life separate.

Fortunately I'm not at all career minded so I don't care what they think.

I go to work, do a great job for my company and then leave without a backward glance for a nice evening of my choice.

Her boss had the decency to give her the heads up re expectations. She can take the advice or not as she chooses but the consequences are pretty clear.