Being made to feel rubbish about WANTING to go back to work - am I weird??

[fairydust2407]

Hi everyone. I've never really posted much on MN but I'd really value your opinions on this one. I've been on maternity leave for just over 10 months and I now feel that I really do want to go back to work. I loved my job before I had my ds and as much as I adore ds and love spending time with him, I feel like I need to start using my brain again. Am I weird? All the other mums I know that are going back to work are dreading it and really don't want to but have to for financial reasons. Those that are staying at home can't understand why I want to leave my precious little one with someone else. But I'm looking forwars to the challenge of work again. I know I'll miss ds desperately, but if we want any more babies we need a bigger house - so we need more money. And I just want to use my brain!!!! Am I nuts?????? Sorry for the rambling.

NO, you're not nuts and I understand where you're coming from.
I went back 2 days per week after DS1 and cannot do the same after DS2...some days I am crawling the walls! I hate relying on my DH for money and need some independence.
You need to do what is best for you and your family, you have nothing to feel guilty about!

nope .. with DS I wanted to go back to work .. I was looking forward to it .. it just felt like that hiatus was over

of course within 10 months of being back I decided I didn't want to be there so I've been a SAHM for almost 5 years now

Not nuts at all imo. I am returning to full time work in less than 3 weeks and I am so excited! Bit nervous too as it is the first time I will have used a childminder for such long periods of the day. My work will be shifts though so lots of opportunities to take the kids to school on days off etc.

I hope this thread doesn't kick off into a SAHM v Working Mums debate. What are you returning to fairydust?

No you're not at all weird. I only had 5 months mat leave so went back to work full time when ds2 was 4 months and for the first few weeks I felt awful and missed being at home with him. But I have to say I'd have been climbing the walls after 10 months and I'm soooo happy to be working - I love it! I'm lucky that ds is at home with my dp, but it's the best thing for him, dp and me that I work full-time. I think even if we didn't need the money I'd certainly work part-time - my brain and body get more knackered and fed up when I'm at home for any length of time - and then I get stroppy and ratty with the kids.

Enjoy going back to work - enjoy the relative peace and quiet, being with grown ups, and then going home to your ds and giving him lots of 'quality time' as they say..!

It was hard leaving ds but my brain loved being back at work. So did the bits of me that like talking to other grown ups, getting out of the house, doing non-child related activities, doing some good in the world (I work for a charity) and drinking hot coffee!! 10 months is a long time (I had a year) and hey, it's time for the next stage!

Also - it's going to happen anyway, so you may as well enjoy it. You don't get extra brownie points for wringing of hands and gnashing of teeth!

dotty - I know exactly what you mean about feeling more knackered when you've been at home for a while. Still knackering going out to work but different somehow.

tbh I used to scoff when I heard the phrase "quality time" but I think I really will appreciate and enjoy my time with the kids far more having done a wothwhile and fulfilling job.

You are not nuts. I am back at work full time and as much as I miss ds during the day, I would not have it any other way.

Find work much easier than being at home with a toddler.

I went back to work (P/T) when DD1 was 5.5 months old and didn't suffer from any guilt or sadness as some of my friends seemed to do. I think part of it was being very happy with our childcare arrangement.

I stopped work completely when DD2 came along, so I have been in both camps. Both can be enjoyable and frustrating.

If you are happy going back to work then feel good about not feeling torn. If that makes sense.

I skipped back to work merrily after each maternity leave. And I experienced a rush of satisfaction each time when actually there on the first day back (also experienced sudden spurts of milk on my shirt, but that's probably another thread....)

Thank you all! I was starting to wonder about my sanity! I would love to be a SAHM but I am starting to climb the walls. Going back to a very rewarding job in advertising with great colleagues. Worked hard to get where I am so feel it would be silly to give it all up now, especially as DH hates his job. I can earn more than he can, so if I'm earning takes pressure off him a little. Going back 4 days a week, so will still have a whole day of just me and ds which will be lovely! WOuld rather it was only 3 days working but never mind. Thanks again for all your replies!

4 days a week is a brilliant length of time - would be my preferred option. I did 4 days a week when ds1 was born and it was fab -you'll love it!

Just give your brain a chance to get going again by the way - took me a month or so (at least...) to really get it working in 'work mode' - I felt quite foggy and slow for a while - and bizarrely I got quite stiff and sore in the first couple of weeks because I was so used to pushing a buggy fairly slowly that walking fast to the station and running around at work put my body into shock!!

Of course you are not weird, we are all different and we all want different things. Why is it that some people think that the only way is their way it makes me really cross.

You are not nuts, you are just in love with your baby nothing wrong with that. BUT you chose big house and go to work or put your next ones in bunk beds and stay in a smaller house. Money is not everything and soon they are grown up and moving away. If not compromise and go part-time

I went back 4 weeks ago and DS is 10months.

I'm doing 4 days a week, ideally I would be doing 3, but other than that its great. I like having a reason to get dressed up, I get to have my lunch in relative peace and on the whole it is less work than being at home.

I do miss DS and sometimes I am a bit down, but then I got a bit down staying at home all the time, at least this way I'm earning some dosh. Also DS seems to be really happy at the CMs and is mixing with other older children so I feel its good for his development.

Once you have been back a couple of weeks you will feel like you have never been away, and the opinion of the other mums won't matter to you as you will be far too busy juggling work and home to bother about it.

Oh and if you are doing 4 days, I think if poss it would be nice to have a Wednesday off to break up the week.

I opted for the Monday so I would get the Bank Holidays as extra leave, but I find I am really ready to go back to work after 3 days at home, and find that I am fairly knackered by Friday.

I go to work for a rest. i enjoyed my maternity leave but after 6 months off with each I was desparate to get back. i missed the challenge of work and my colleagues. Enjoy it.

Don't feel bad about it. I would be back at work if I could. As it turns out I lost my job because I couldn't go back.

Also, it's nice to get out of the house and use your brain in a different way. I miss that too.

I'm going back to work three days a week in a months time after a year off and I'm really looking forward to it. I've felt guilty about this but I need to use my brain and be someone else apart from a mum for a few days each week. I'm quite ecited - feels like we're entering the next stage of our life and it will be good to back with colleagues and friends

I like working oth.

No. I will be going back part time when ds is a year old and I'm looking forward to it.

I was up at my work for a meeting yesterday and it felt good to be in a suit and not talking about baby things. I doubt it will seem so exciting though when I'm running about like a blue arsed fly first thing in the morning getting myself and ds ready to get to nursery though!

I'm not planning on cutting my maternity leave short - I'm just glad that I feel so positive about returning to my job as financially I don't have a choice.

fairymum, like rookiemum I went back 4 weeks ago, I'm full time with son of 5 months..

Must say my sanity has returned and I feel like a real person again. Ds has great nanny and is not suffering and it's best for all of us. If you feel that your life includes using your brain and contribution in the wider world, as I feel, it's totally normal! Of course you want to.. any way wish you the best of luck with getting to grips with it all!