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Hate my boss. Don't want to go to work tomorrow.

18 replies

PeachesMcLean · 05/02/2007 21:41

Ok, I'm only here to have a whinge and a moan so look away now if you wish! (and sorry, this is going to be looooong) I HATE my boss, loathe her. I don't want to go to work tomorrow. I need a new job and can't find anthing. I'm nearly 40 FGS and for the first time in my life my stomach is churning at the thought of another day with her. I've even ruined my own evening with being so pissed off.
I've been with the company for nearly 10 years. Had maternity leave whilst there, went back part time. All fine and dandy. Interesting company to work for, I like what they do. Enjoying being a professional, well trained and supported, knowing what I'm doing, liked and respected - that kind of thing.
Until nice old boss leaves and new one was appointed two years ago. At first we hoped it was just teething problems. But she hasn't got any better. The problems, in short, are:
She's ineffective. May as well not be there.
Doesn't come up with any ideas of her own. Makes other people do all the work.
Hinders any real progress because she sits on things for so long.
Constant praise and smarm which become meaningless, and actually quite patronising.
Lies. Bare faced lies.
Technically incompetent with a computer to the stage where it's unprofessional.
She tried bullying but we've seen through that now and mostly she doesn't get away with it.
Works to the divide and conquer principle. Has complained about my colleagues to other members of the department.
Atmosphere in the office (small department) is truly hideous, bitchy, backstabbing.
No leadership skills.
No management, planning or strategic skills. Laughable really. She's supposed to be writing a strategy - has been doing it for the last five months and no-one's seen a draft yet. However, we've all been asked to contribute mini strategies for our own areas. So she can basically cut and paste it all.
Blames her own boss constantly for her problems. She's very sensitive where he's concerned. Very defensive.
Now, when she'd been there 8 or 9 months, it became clear there were problems and several members of the department spoke to HR about her. Just raised our concerns. Her boss is also in charge of HR and so is well aware of it. I've also talked to HR once since then, about 6 months ago. Nothing has happened, nothing has changed. In fact, it's getting worse, given the morale is getting steadily lower (even after I thought it couldn't get any worse). A couple of weeks ago we could hear raised voices between her and her boss, so he must know what she's like. I really like my colleagues and we all share a moan about her, just to get it off our chests. I know some of them are struggling as much as I am.
What really gets me is that there's just no light at the end of the tunnel. She's been there two years now and the company doesn't have a track record in getting rid of ineffctive people (there's a few of them around - it's quite a big place). The only way out is to get a new job, and there's not that much around in my field to apply for. I've considered taking a reduction in salary just to escape but don't see why she should have that kind of impact on me and my family.
So, whilst I have to sit tight in the hope that I'll get out in due course (that seems a long way off) what do I do? Really not confident in going to talk to her boss about it. He can give fairly short shrift to people he thinks are just moaning. Though sometimes he can be fine. Either way, they've not done anything about her so far, why would they now?
Ok, stopping now because I feel better just writing it all down. Stomach still churning a bit though. I don't know that there's anything can be done, other than get a new job. Feeling pretty fed up.

OP posts:
PeachesMcLean · 05/02/2007 22:28

Well don't ALL look away!!! I was hoping for a few words of encouragement - even if there isn't any advice! No-one's even told me to get a grip yet. Pah!

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Twinklemegan · 05/02/2007 22:29

GET A GRIP! OK I'll read your post now lol - I'll be more constructive then I promise.

pianist · 05/02/2007 22:34

No job is worth feeling like that. I would leave ASAP and believe that something better is out there for you.

Twinklemegan · 05/02/2007 22:38

Oh god, she sounds like a complete nightmare! Bet you feel better now though having got that off your chest. I really sympathise with you actually because I've had problems with two female bosses (what is it about women? When they're bad, they're REALLY bad). My old boss was a bullying control freak, til I learned how to handle her . My current one was a complete cow throughout my pregnancy. The trouble is that once these people get into management we tend to be stuck with them . I've considered leaving my job many times but I'm the same as you in that there are very few jobs around in my field. I decided that I wasn't going to let her mess things up for us.

After all this rambling I haven't actually got any useful advice to offer. I've managed to find ways of working with my boss but she isn't nearly as bad as yours sounds, she just suffers from a lack of understanding of anyone who doesn't completely live for their job. Do you have to work directly with her one to one? If so I really really sympathise. If there's a group of you under her then it's not AS bad since you're all in the same boat.

I've been no help at all have I?

Kbear · 05/02/2007 22:41

Reading that was like reading about my boss. She is coming back after maternity leave in a few weeks. I feel like leaving quick before she gets back. She is EXACTLY as you describe. I'm damned if I'm going to let her run me out of the job though.

PeachesMcLean · 05/02/2007 22:59

Twinklemegan and all, I'm just glad it's been read and to hear I'm not going mad. And are female bosses really so bad? I really want a management job to be my next step - surely I'm not doomed to being a crap manager?? May as well just shoot me now!
Am desperate for a new job. I've just applied for one - interviews (if I get one) aren't till end March! So depressing.
I'll end up saying something to her boss, I'm sure. A few months ago, I had a meeting with him and he made a point of closing the door and saying "So. How are things with xxx???" He caught me completely off guard and I didn't want to say "aaargh, she's a total waste of space" - wanted to be a tad more professional than that, so didn't say much. Just pulled a few faces. But am very tempted to bring it up and suggest if he ever wants an update, I'd be happy to provide one. If I've got the bottle.

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Kbear · 06/02/2007 09:30

Not all female bosses are like this. I have two. One is a nightmare and one is so fantastically fantastic I don't know where to begin.

It comes down to personality IMO, and how badly the power goes to their heads.

Always rise above her behaviour, don't show that it bothers you, that will drive her mad.

Good luck.

Twiglett · 06/02/2007 09:34

unofficial union (or official)

band together and speak to hr again tell them the situation is now unworkable and you really need some kind of change within (time period that is workable .. 1 month? 3 months) or you will ALL, en masse have to reconsider your positions

sunshinestarr · 06/02/2007 10:13

omg i think we have the same boss...d

mines a complete nutter incompetent could sell a fridge to an eskimo - manipulative grrrrh cowwwww and whats worse shes given her daughter, who btw is an alcoholic, druggy, lost her licence twice in the last 5 years to drink driving, unstable and vile creature with no credentials a promotion last month guess what her b/s role is "staff support co-odinator" whats her personal life got to do with this....everything she had a blood alcohol breath over limit whilst at work...you'd think that would've amounted to instant dissmal.

i've thort bout leaving but i might just hang around just to see how her stuff up of a daughter is going to ruin the place. btw we've all suppose to hand in ideas at staff meeting for her.... hmmm i dont think so lovey she can earn her promotion

we've all banded together at work and agree just a matter of time....

sorry i went on with my own crap feel good to get that off my chest.

all i can say is hang in there only matter of time or job surf until something better comes along.

slug · 06/02/2007 10:59

Sympathy, sympathy.

I suffered under the colleague from hell for 5 years. He liked to think he was the boss, and activly overstepped his boundries and acted as if he was (cancelling training courses for people he didn't like even though he wasn't authorised etc). When challenged he would go psychotic, screaming and tantrumming. He tried to get me fired on more than one occasion because I pointed out he wasn't following proceedure and was threatening the legality of everything we did as a result. He was incredibly incompetent and caused us so many problems and late nights as we tried to fix the mess he created. He was such a bully and accomplished liar that even senior management were reluctant to tackle him. Eventually our whole department joined together, raised a collective grevience against him and simply refused to work with him any longer.

The whole process took nearly a year, during which he went off, somewhat ironically, with "stress". We even had to attend an independant mediator, who gave up when he started accusing me of assulting him.

He's still here, though we only see him for 4 hours a day 3 days a week, during which we pretty much ignore him. Management only took action when they realised they were facing the mass resignation of an entire department.

I'm still thinking of leaving, mainly because I am still very angry about how the whole thing was handled.

No real words of encouragement Peaches, except there is safety in numbers. When we took out the grevience, he tried to identify the ringleaders and concentrated his efforts on them. But by that point it was just more evidence for the grievence.

PeachesMcLean · 06/02/2007 16:38

It's so sad so many people have to put up with such crap. My stomach churned all morning today and I found it really tricky to get motivated (which is a real problem as there's so much to do). Came home this afternoon to book a holiday! Hurrah. That made me feel better. Hopefully tomorrow will be better. Oh god, churning again at the thought.

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Sparkler1 · 06/02/2007 16:41

Don't tempt fate. I didn't want to go into work yesterday - started a thread Sunday night saying I didn't want to go in and should I take a sickie. Went in yesterday but had to phone in sick today as I feel dreadful. I got my come uppance.

PeachesMcLean · 06/02/2007 16:45

A day off sick would be a welcome alternative I can tell you! Have you had a lovely day on your sofa with MN?

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Sparkler1 · 06/02/2007 16:55

I went to bed - slept for four hours! As soon as dh is in from work I'm going back.

cazH · 06/02/2007 20:45

If she is that bad she wont survive but at this rate neither will you. Look for another job, stay professional, dont do sickies it puts more work on your colleagues who dont deserve it. Its a just a job, find a better one

FrayedKnot · 06/02/2007 20:55

I think you have to go collective on this one if you want to stay and get it sorted.

How about you have a chat to the other girls out of the office to see if they want to try & do something about it.

What about if 3-4 of you met with this woman's boss?

I worked in a similar situations for a while with a bloke who was not my immediate boss but was the departmental head os affected everybody. It was hell for about 6 months.

Then he had an almighty tantrum in front of a senior manager on a business trip and that was it, he was called in to the MD's office one morning and told to leave immediately.

Not a moment too soon eitehr. I think management were waiting for an excuse tbh.

Perhaps you could engineer a similar situation?!

DominiConnor · 06/02/2007 21:00

I'm a pimp in the City, and some of the people we tlak to have evil bosses. So much so that I use (anoymised) quotes on my Blog.
My boss wants me dead

It is very important that however much you hate your boss that this does not come across at an interview. Please don't think that I think you're in the wrong, but a future employer (or recruiter) may well mark you down as a "difficult" person.

PeachesMcLean · 06/02/2007 21:53

Domini, you're so right about the interview. Of course, I'm seeking a management position which is an obvious next step. My current post has involved working on a tremendous range of enjoyable projects which have each developed different skills. I'm looking forward to new challenges and using those skills alongside my naturally strategic approach in a position of leadership. (Or something like that...) Convincing?
The fact that I can't stand the lying incompetent brainless cow won't cross my mind! I can honestly say I work well with my colleagues and outside the department and I can quote the praise she's given me as a demonstration that we work well together. (Fact that she makes me want to chuck, when she smarms "oh peaches, you handled that so well" whilst I think "would have been a damn sight easier if you hadn't been there"
Actually going en masse to the boss's manager is something we hadn't considered, and there's one woman in particular who I'd have to convince, but she's key. It's something I'll give more thought to, though I'm not so sure he'd welcome it. And does it ever have the right effect to threaten to leave?
We went separately to HR, on the several occasions we've been there. Sadly this gave the boss the opportunity to pull us in one by one afterwards, as the HR manager had given her a list of areas she might want to address in future. This was a written list which included things like "members of the department have concerns at your handling of the xyz client". I'm the only person who would have raised that as they're basically my account, so of course she immediately knew that I'd complained about her.

I wouldn't really do a sicky,(very tempting though it is). Never have done. There's stuff I want to do tomorrow, because I want to do it and it will reflect well on me. Just got to tackle the constant churning stomach.

Thanks all for your posts. It's very much appreciated.

And Sparkler - you feeling any better yet??? Hope so.

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