Returning to work after mat leave and only one parent can work

[Serenvv]

Did you have a discussion with your dp about whether it would be you or him?

Last week my dh said 'well I'm not giving up my job - no discussion'. Obviously he's being a bit of a twat but having stewed on it now for a week it's still really bothering me. We earn roughly the same salary.

I would prefer to have one of us look after the DC (like him) and not be inconvenienced when they're ill and unable to go to cm (like him) but why should it be me that gives up work?

Oh wow. That puts a different slant on things.

You have as much right as he does to keep up a career

He sounds like a twat.

Protect your earning potential at all costs.

Who cares that he likes how it is?

You don't. And you are just as important as him.

Or more important, since you live in the current century and are nit an obsolete throwback.

You have 2 children and sacrifices need to be made, he is being very selfish by not wanting to even discuss changing his work.
This comes from a very long term sahm.
If it's your choice and you can't imagine going back to work and your dh agrees then this is different to being told what to do.
Nobody has a right to insist another person stops working.
Please don't give up, especially as you know you'll have to go back at a lower level.
Some men enjoy having everything done for them and to be able to progress in their career with no barriers. This isn't on when you too have a career you want to keep.
tell him he'll be a sp doing 50/50 if he doesn't listen to your pov and make sacrifices for his familyas you have done. Did he take paternity leave at all?

It used not to be so bad to take a massive step back in your career because when you divorced the bugger for his stereotypical ways you could get maintenance for yourself. Now that's on the way out and you only get it for the kids, plus a bit more capital for yourself if there is any. I say keep the job and outsource as much of the cleaning, shopping and childcare as you can.

Why on earth didn't you discuss this before having kids, there must have been other ways he came across as 1950's man.
When id he first tell you this and surely you knew this would mean being a sahm, that's what happened in 1950.

Maybe she thought that as it isn't actually the 1950s, she woukd get a say in her own life?

Could you go part time to keep your shoe in the door at work, maintain a life beyond domestic 50's bliss and keep your longer term career prospects open. Even a very short term financial hit doing this could help your longer term options and sanity. The hit would be far less than full time. I used my fifteen hours free childcare for 3pluses over three days rather than five so if you could find a provider to let you do similar.

Have you checked out your tax credits/ universal credit situation with the different permutations. You may get some help with childcare that swings the balance back in your favour.

Agree to no diminution of your work.

This is a no negotiation situation.

You will just have tonwork out how to pay for childcare and survive on what is left.

Yes I thought it was obvious from the op that she wasn't expecting him to sah, she just didn't like the fact he'd assumed it would be her and wasn't willing to discuss it.