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Have decided to take all my maternity leave.

12 replies

wellsie · 08/06/2004 20:06

Do you think I've done the right thing?

Have decided to take the remainder of my maternity leave which means I'll be due to go back to work at the end of November. DH & work are both ok with this and I feel it's the right decision at this time as I've been a bit depressed and don't think I could face leaving DS and dealing with other peoples problems at the mo.
The thing is, when I mentioned this to my FIL he laughed. Both his 1st wife & current wife are very strong ladies who would've been back to work as soon as the doctor had stitched them up (sorry to be crude). I think he thinks (& probably the wives as well) that I've played Mum for long enough and should get back to the real world. Goodness knows what he would say if I wanted to be a SAHM (seriously thinking about that option ) I know my MIL wouldn't approve as she has already passed comment on her SIL who was a SAHM.
Anyway, would really welcome some reassurance from MNetters.
Thanks
Wellsie

OP posts:
Flip · 08/06/2004 20:17

It's no one elses business but yours. I'm due back on the 7th November having taken the full twelve months of my Maternity leave and if I could have another 12 months I would.

Could you not reach a compromise with work when you do return about reduced hours? I'm going to beg my work to let me return just two days.

You have to do what's right for you. I went back after four months with ds1 and I had severe PND. Having no pressure to return with ds2 has allowed me to enjoy this role.

Yorkiegirl · 08/06/2004 20:17

Message withdrawn

wellsie · 08/06/2004 20:25

I work for the C&G as an administrator, it's a bit more interesting than that.... I actually deal with the deaths of customers but as I've been a bit low I don't think I could handle this work at the mo. They have already agreed to let me come back on reduced hours (probably 2days a week), so I have no pressure from work.
I know in my heart that this is the right thing to do. As soon as I had made this decision I felt better, but unfortunately the reaction of FIL has made me feel bad, I haven't yet told MIL!

OP posts:
deeno · 08/06/2004 20:36

Good for you Wellsie, that you have chosen to take the full 12 months. It is yours and your DH's decision and nobody elses business. Your in-laws should be right behind you and supportive of your decision. I go back to work in two weeks after 6 mths maternity leave. Reduced hours (3 days a week)thank goodness. However if I could manage it financially I would have certainly took the full 12 months. BTW, I admire anyone who is a SAHM, it is such a special time seeing your child grow up, and if you are able to then why miss any of it.

AussieSim · 08/06/2004 20:42

Good plan. When I was in HR I always advised mums to be to apply for the whole lot and then if they really wanted to come back earlier to just let us know. I did this as I saw too many mums wracked with guilt thinking that because they said 3 or 6mths when they were pregnant (and had no idea what they were talking about) that they had to either stick to it or beg for an extension.

I am a SAHM and have been for 16mths. Sometimes I feel a bit odd about it but I am glad I've been able to do it. I've said I might go back to work part-time if the right opportunity presents itself. My friends and family are all shocked - like they never knew me before. That's there problem - turns out I love being a mum and think it is an important job.

tomkitty · 11/06/2004 16:30

Well done, Wellsie. I am taking off the whole year too. I am American and the people at home get about 4 weeks off. They don't understand it at all and think I am a real lady of leisure.

Don't let them make you feel bad, and don't even start trying to justify yourself to them.

fairydust · 12/06/2004 05:56

you must do what u feel is right for you n your family.

Some woman feel happy to go back to work or have to go back (fiances) and i take my hat off to them, as i couldn't do it and am a SAHM and for me and my family this was the best option -

expatkat · 12/06/2004 07:07

People will pass judgment, won't they. FIL's thinking is flawed; "playing mum" is as hard work as any, as we all know. One could view it another way: his wives "escaped" to the workplace.

My own dad frowns upon my working, believing in the most traditional way that a mother should be at home with her children.

I think the biggest lesson I've learned from being a mum is that a certain degree of unpopularity is inevitable. Everyone will have an opinion about everything you doand few people will fully approve of any of it. I think it helps to develop a thick skin & forge ahead with your own choices. It requires a new way of thinking, granted, because we're all trained to seek approvalbut it will save your sanity if you can decide within yourself that you'll stop expecting it. I really do sympathize.

frogs · 12/06/2004 19:56

Good for you, girl -- you're not 'playing mum', you ARE being mum.

How soon people are ready to go back to work is incredibly individual -- I did 2 mornings a week with my first from 4 months, which suited me brilliantly as it was just enough of a break without making me feel I was abandoning her.

With ds I had to go back at three months and HATED it.

With dd2 I work at home while the baby is asleep (notionally). I should really sort out a childminder three mornings a week, but she sleeps really well, and I love having her around. We have a running joke about her being my 'familiar' -- like witches have, my little creature who goes everywhere with me.

On a completely different thread a few weeks ago someone posted this poem:

Song for a Fifth Child

Mother, oh Mother, come shake out your cloth
empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
hang out the washing and butter the bread,
sew on a button and make up a bed.
Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She's up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.

Oh, I've grown shiftless as Little Boy Blue
(lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
(pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo).
The shopping's not done and there's nothing for stew
and out in the yard there's a hullabaloo
but I'm playing Kanga and this is my Roo.
Look! Aren't her eyes the most wonderful hue?
(lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).

The cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,
for children grow up, as I've learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.
I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep.

by Ruth Hulburt Hamilton

This sums up how I feel so much I printed it out and hung it on the wall above my desk, to make me feel better about skiving off work to play with the baby.

Go for it, Wellsie! Who cares what your in-laws think? If they're anything like mine, everything you do will be wrong anyway, so stuff them, and do what you and your dh are happy with.

clary · 13/06/2004 00:32

Frogs, lovely poem. [need an emotionally tearful smiley] I had a lovely year away from work, that is, working at home and rocking my baby. Went back at 4mo with Ds1 and DD, so this time I took 12 months and it was so special. Really feel DS2 has done so well and partly because he was with me (tho of course I then feel guilty about the other 2...can't win!) Good luck to you Wellsie and ignore what others say/might think. It's not their business.

twiglett · 13/06/2004 10:13

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MollMoll · 09/05/2011 02:51

IM going back to wrk and my baby is 3 months im freaking out and dont want to go back< I wrk for MAC cosmetics and all my time is up< i left Oct 27 ,2010 and the baby was born JAN 29 2010 .IM due back the first week of JUne does any body have any tips tricks info aaaaaa HELP- damsel indistress =(

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