Having a crisis

[Dinamit]

I returned to work several months ago after having DD2. I work with lovely people and existing workplace but in a new role. DD still wakes up a lot and I'm so tired all the time which is affecting my performance. DD is often beyond exhausted after nursery and she pretty much cries as soon as I walk in through the door until she's asleep.
I feel like I am not a good enough employee or mum at the moment. I find I am impatient with children at times and just not as productive as I used to be at work, but the role demands it.
By the time I pay for childcare I have hardly anything left, though admittedly better than nothing at all as we have debts.
I feel so alone in this. All my friends work part time or not at all, and have help which we don't. DH works long hours and I am
alone with the children a lot. When I try talking to him about how I feel or about possible changes we could make to our lifestyle, his response is "what's wrong with you tonight?" and tells me I am having a mid-life crisis.
I am honestly losing perspective here. Someone please level with me - is working with small children worth it?

Is your husband taking on his share of night wakings?

No, because he works much longer hours and wouldn't cope at work (not that I do brilliantly!)

Hi Dinamit,

What you actually need, is more understanding and support from your partner. He seems to be trivialising your feelings and isn't pulling his weight in the way I think he should (I acknowledge he works longer hours, but it is his joint responsibility to work with you to find a solution which works (reasonably well) for both of you).

Would he be receptive to a conversation about the type of help you need, and how you can manage it together?

If not - then all I can really offer is reassurance. Every single working mother that I know, goes though periods of believing that they are failing everyone by not being a good enough mother or employee. Those feelings are compounded by hormones, sleep deprivation, stress - but they are entirely unfounded. I count those women amongst my best friends, and, from the outside world, I can see their love for their children, their care for their responsibilities and their ability to keep-going even when it's frocking tough are heroic. Give yourself a break. I can absolutely guarantee that you're overthinking and actually doing a great job both at home and work.

Whether it's 'worth it' I can't say - different strokes for different folks. That is entirely up to what suits you and your family. I can certainly empathise with parents who feel like they're losing the plot if they spend all day every day with the children. Ditto, parents who don't want to add to their stress for a relatively small amount of extra cash.

Either way

ThinkPink, thank you for such a level headed and reassuring post. You are right about my DH lacking when it comes to being supportive, that is definitely part of the problem.
I am considering looking for 3days pw jobs but it's hard in my profession.
Feel like we've hit rock bottom and I am so bloody tired, that it's not easy to keep up the positive attitude.