Child care once they are at school

Soapbox · 2004-05-26T09:46:19+00:00

I have had a nanny since I went back to work after I had my DD (6 years ago). My DS is starting school in September and I am wondering what to do about child care now. A nanny is a very expensive option if they will not be working for much of the day but I really do need the flexibility of someone who works for us in our home. What do those of you with older children do? Should I just swallow the cost and keep paying for a full time nanny? All advice gratefully received!

zebra · 26/05/2004 10:47

Plan is: After school clubs or childminders (may do school pickups).

Soulfly · 26/05/2004 10:48

Can you not cut her hours down? would she need to just pick them up from school? and have them after?
Could you not talk to her about it?

Soulfly · 26/05/2004 10:48

Theres breakfast clubs and afterschool clubs, if they fit in with your working hours.

Kayleigh · 26/05/2004 10:49

Both my boys are at a childminder. The youngest is with her all day and the oldest she takes/collects from school. I pay her more during holidays as she has both boys all day then.

Original poster

Soapbox · 26/05/2004 10:52

Soulfly - I have spoken to her about it and she can't afford to go part time. Her and her DH bought a house last year and she needs full time money coming in to pay the mortgage.

The afterschool club finishes at 5.30 and the earliest either of us can get home is 6.15.

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Sonnet · 26/05/2004 11:00

Also don't forget school holidays!
When DD1 started school ( ag=fter going to nursery for 4 days per week since being tiny) she was very very tired and found it difficult to cope with after school club.
If I had the choice I'd stick with the Nanny. That way she can take them and pick them up, be there in the hols and look after them if ill.
Bit of an expensive option though!

Soulfly · 26/05/2004 11:03

What a shame sb, i hope you find something that suits you, good luck.

Original poster

Soapbox · 26/05/2004 11:07

Thanks Soulfly, Sonnet and Kayleigh. I think I might stick with the nanny option but talk to a couple of agencies and see if there is anyone who can do part-time. I think the problem will be is that those who can do part time in term time might not be able to do full time in the holidays.

The other option might be to try and find someone full time but who is prepared to do housework during the day. That way at least I will save a bit on the cleaner and the ironing lady!!!

I used to imagine life must get easier the older they get - but it just brings a whole new load of issues!!

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Bumblelion · 26/05/2004 11:16

I would love a nanny/au pair/home help. Would make life so much easier.

The hardest thing I find is having to take time off when one of them is ill (normally youngest, quite often) and bloody school holidays - got another looming next week. Asked ex-h to have them one day, I would have them one day and they go to ex-SIL the other day that I work - but he turned round and said he can't afford to take a day's holiday as he hasn't got many left - great! I have no choice, and now have to take 2 days off work.

Am not even thinking about school summer holidays - taking them away for 2 weeks on 2nd August but that leaves 2 weeks before we go and 2 weeks when we get back that I have no childcare covered - apart from youngest who goes to nursery.

Oh well, just have to wait and see what happens. If I think about it too much, I will go crazy.

Bumblelion · 26/05/2004 11:16

I would love a nanny/au pair/home help. Would make life so much easier.

The hardest thing I find is having to take time off when one of them is ill (normally youngest, quite often) and bloody school holidays - got another looming next week. Asked ex-h to have them one day, I would have them one day and they go to ex-SIL the other day that I work - but he turned round and said he can't afford to take a day's holiday as he hasn't got many left - great! I have no choice, and now have to take 2 days off work.

Am not even thinking about school summer holidays - taking them away for 2 weeks on 2nd August but that leaves 2 weeks before we go and 2 weeks when we get back that I have no childcare covered - apart from youngest who goes to nursery.

Oh well, just have to wait and see what happens. If I think about it too much, I will go crazy.

Original poster

Soapbox · 26/05/2004 11:28

Bumblelion - I don't know if your finances would stretch that far (but surely exh should contribute) but aupair.com has quite a few au pairs only looking for summer holiday work. You should be able to get someone for about £60 per week as long as they can live in.

I would defo go the au pair route if we had enough room but sadly we don't!

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serenequeen · 26/05/2004 11:29

would she be prepared to take on housework, shopping, cooking etc during the day? that might make the situation more palatable from your pov - if she is willing to do it.

i think a nanny/housekeeper would be ideal scenario for us after no2 arrives... wishful thinking though as ruinously expensive on top of 2 sets of nursery fees!

Original poster

Soapbox · 26/05/2004 11:30

whoops sorry that should be greataupair.com

Also try www.tntclassifieds.co.uk which is a good website to pick up students wanting summer work.

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Original poster

Soapbox · 26/05/2004 11:34

Serenequeen - no she wouldn't which really is the crux of the problem. I do understand from other people with nannies that this not doing housework is an important thing for them.

She has her own DD (18months) who she brings to work with her, otherwise we would have looked at a share with someone with a baby or younger child who needed child care during the year.

The more I try to work out solutions with her the more inflexible she seems. I think she thinks I am going to pay her £25k a year to sit around doing nothing, I fear!

I'm not sure that she has a realistic view as to how many people out there will be prepared to have her as a nanny while she brings her own child with her and yet still expects full pay. In a tighter market she might be OK but there are quite a few nannies around here looking for work and most are cheaper than her, although to be fair she does have a lot of experience.

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binkie · 26/05/2004 11:41

Soapbox, I'm in just your situation - ds (just 5) in reception now, dd will be starting a transitional (but full day) class in Sept, when she'll be almost 4. Afterschool clubs don't go on long enough for us (like you too I think), and although I would consider a childminder I think that may not be flexible enough for carting around to playdates etc.

As well as talking to agencies (there's one called afterschoolnannies.com, but it may only cover central London, so might not suit you; also Childminders have an afterschool section I think) I'm going to put an ad on thegumtree.com, with the aim of finding (eg) Aussie/NZ visiting teacher/well educated Eastern European who wants to do part-time while studying etc. at the same time; or, as an alternative, someone who wants to do a nanny plus housekeeper-in-mornings job. I have a sort of feeling that I'd prefer the kind of person who didn't want to do housekeeping, though.

For interest: as to school holidays, from gumtree there appear to be lots of classroom assistants etc. who want full-time employment in holidays - almost as if that's an easier time to cover.

Original poster

Soapbox · 26/05/2004 11:52

Thanks for that Binkie - I will get looking. We are only 20mins from London Bridge so hopefully someone might be interested!

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serenequeen · 26/05/2004 11:58

soapbox, what are her suggestions for how she might occupy her time during the day? it does seem odd to a nanny virgin that she expects to do zip while the kids are at school! my cursory glances at this so far indicate that nanny/housekeepers do exist, but i agree with you they seem to be a rare breed.

thanks also from me, binkie. although school is not yet an issue for us, p/t help for pm cover including nursery pick-up, tea-time, bath and bedtime i think will be vital for us next year.

Original poster

Soapbox · 26/05/2004 12:16

Well - she hasn't really got any suggestions at the current time. However, I have told her I will only need her part time from Sept. so I think it will depend very much on whether she will be able to find something else.

She does appear to be looking very hard - I keep being confronted everywhere I go (school notice board, nursery notice board, local newsagents etc) with her advert looking for work

Just to make sure she gets the message across she leaves copies of the lady around at frequent intervals too - and unless she needs incontinence pads or a stair lift - then she is clearly dropping the hint that she is looking.

She has been the childrens nanny since I had them and I imagine that she thinks that I won't be prepared to lose her and as such I think she is trying a bit of brinksmanship over the whole thing. Which being a stubborn old git is just the way to wind me up!

Binkie - I have spoken to parttimenannies and the lady there was most helpful and they do cover my area. I've also spoken to my local nanny agency who will look to see whether there is anyone looking for a share.

Thank you all for your help - taking some action does seem to be making me feel better about it all

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miranda2 · 26/05/2004 13:53

You can't possibly pay her 25k just to pick them up from school and do holidays!!!! You're not serious? If she really expects this she is insane. And she brings her 18 month old with her? So with her saving in nursery fees she's effectively on over 30k??? Crumbs, I should be a nanny....

WideWebWitch · 26/05/2004 14:01

Quite, Miranda. Soapbox, hmm, what's she on? I agree re her bringing her own child: this would make her count as 'half' a person as far as ratios are concerned were she working in a nursery/pre-school. I think she's going to have to revise her expectations! And that's putting it mildly. Sorry, this isn't very helpful though. I think a combination of childminder/after school/holiday clubs sounds like the best option but I have no experience (have SAHD). Hope you manage to find a solution.

serenequeen · 26/05/2004 14:12

serious question as all this has got me thinking, if a nanny brings their own child with them, doesn't that mean you pay them less?

WideWebWitch · 26/05/2004 14:21

Well, quite serenequeen.

Original poster

Soapbox · 26/05/2004 14:35

I know, I know!

The thing is that nannies to start with all work on a net basis. So if you pay them £320 a week this is all that they think they get. They don't think about the NI and PAYE which adds another £160 per week!

The bringing her own baby thing is very annoying but at the time we had just moved house, the children missed her when she was on mat leave etc. and so having her back seemed the most sensible thing to do. I didn't really think through the financial bit well enough or talk to other people whose nannies had their own children. (Wish I'd had mumsnet then)!

Then when DS started nursery just for the morning last sept the problems really began to surface. She started just going home in the morning (in our car clocking up 100+ miles a week, if you please). So we had words about that. I said I wanted her to be at work doing all the normal nanny duties in that time (the cleaner had done all their rooms and changing beds etc and we had done all their washing when we did ours).

A major sulk ensued but I did push things with her and to be fair she has done them. But there is no way on this earth she will do any thing else. If DH and I leave our breakfast mugs in the sink in the morning they will still be there at night time, despite the fact that she must have moved them several times in the day and the dishwasher will have been opened and shut many times So she is defo making a point.

You know TBH the more I rant here the more I realise I should have done something about all this a lot sooner than this! Think I have been just ploughing on trying to make things work. But this time I really don't feel like throwing money at the problem again!

I'm very hopeful that I can find someone else having spoken to a couple of agencies today!

Sorry - rant over now, thanks for listening!!

Serenequeen - please don't let any of this put you off a nanny - we did have many good years with ours

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serenequeen · 26/05/2004 14:39

good luck, soapbox

don't reproach yourself - once you have some kind of childcare/domestic arrangement that suits - changing it seems like contemplating a voluntary amputation - or it does to me anyway.

littlemissbossy · 26/05/2004 14:45

I'm maybe a bit late jumping in ... but my dss's had a nanny until both were in full-time education. We then switched to a childminder before and after school plus holidays to save on the cost of paying for a full-time nanny. TBH I wished we'd stuck to a nanny/housekeeper. The childminder was lovely but her dd was a horror and they would have preferred to have been at home with someone else, if not us. In the end I changed to part-time work to fit in with the children. Paying for someone to be in the home is great if you can afford it although I would make sure that they are prepared to clean etc, BUT £25K to take your child to work with you and she won't put a couple of cups in the dishwasher! think she's taking the p*ss!!