need some smart responses - employee trying to manage me

[Tanfastic]

....when I'm the manager!

She's a very good member of staff, extremely good at her job, liked by colleagues etc. However I struggle with her because she is constantly trying to tell me subtly how to do my job.

For eg. She will ring me and ask me if I've done something or other. I'll say yes, I've got that covered and she'll say "I'll cross that off my list then". (why is it on your list?).

She will ring me and tell me that something I regularly order needs to be ordered again, then she will go into detail about how many I need to order (like I've no brain).... Erm yes thank you for your input but I've got it covered .

I recently asked her a question about how much a supplier was charging as she deals with the invoices (as I'd been approached by a competitor and was looking into possibly changing to save the firm money). Instead of just giving me the answer I require, she starts asking me why I'm asking because if I'm thinking of changing supplier these are all the reasons I shouldn't ....yes ok, I'll take that on board thanks very much.

I just find it irritating. I feel like she's trying to be the manager rather than the other way around. Like she's always checking up on what I'm doing and the way I'm doing it.

I like her, she's a nice woman and I think she means well. She's just very bossy and controlling. Just wondered if anyone has any good one-liners I could use to get the message across without upsetting the apple cart that I'm the boss so fuck off with your helpful (not) comments!

OP, this would irritate me. I don't think it has anything to do with trying to put her in her place. I think it's more to do with defining spheres of responsibility. The only reason I would ever check up on a boss is if I thought she was letting things slide. In your place, I would talk to her about it and establish some clarity.

As far as stating opinions about how things are done or objecting to actions taken, I have no issue with that if done reasonably.

You could delegate her jobs you don't like doing, that way giving her more responsibility but will keep her happy and then she can make her own lists for her own tasks. Use her abilities and manage her to your advantage whilst getting wonderful work out of her.

Would they be open to sending you on some training? Sounds like they've chucked you in a the deep end. This lady's reaction to a peer now being her manager really isn't unusual. Especially as your own behaviour hasn't reflected that. As I said earlier, "why is it on your list" is exactly the type of response she needs to your first example. You can ask that in a curious way rather than a snarky way. She may well have an answer that surprises you!

Tanfadtic, it's pretty common to be promoted to suddenly manage what we're only recently one's peers and to be given no training or mentoring either. Don't feel bad! You are normal.

I understand that this employee is knocking your confidence. It's understandable. My best advice would be to avoid a power struggle. As others have said you should actually delegate more to her. It's what a good manager would do. Your goal should be to delegate as much as possible. It frees you up, to take on projects of your own choosing that will help the business and make you look like a star.

In her previous job she fell out with the manager and she left because they didn't get on. I'm not sure of the ins and outs. She did tell me this though and she came with a very good reference. She is an asset to the team and is very good at her job.

we do get on, I like her but I just find it irritating the way she is with me. I do feel sometimes that she doesn't like me very much. Just a feeling I get.

I'm still learning, I've literally been thrown in at the deep end with no training. Not sure if they would pay to send me on a management course. If I've ever asked anything before about anything, I've just been told to Google. Not helpful really is it .

Thanks for everyone's advice, sorry if I've not managed to reply to everyone individually. Some great advice though, I'm genuinely grateful whether it stings or not....

It's obviously on her list because she's concerned about it. If it's not clear who holds responsibility for what, she's left trying to cover bases.

She's letting you know that something is running low and how many are needed - that's useful information. If you have it covered, it's a sign that she doesn't know it. You could easily send a memo out saying 'The following items are ordered on a monthly basis. If we are running low before x day of the month, please let me know and I'll bring the order forward'. That way you are reassuring staff that procedures are in place and can direct this employee back to the memo. 'Thanks for your message. Our regular order arrives next week so we shouldn't run too low on x. If we run low by y date, I'll bring the order forward.'

It's just communication.

I think she is probably trying to use her initiative and be helpful - I'd far rather an employee who thinks about what needs to be done than one who only does what they're told!

If you feel she is treading on your toes, then invite her to a meeting to clarify roles and responsibilities so that she is clear where her own job starts and stops. However, if there are tasks that she has time to do and can do competently, I'd give serious thought as to whether these might be delegated to her going forward, giving you more time to focus on other things!

OP if you can't go on a management course look at Futurelearn. They do free online courses, one is about workplace communication (called how to read your boss - it can work the other way too) and one is on managing people. You can buy a certificate at the end for about £35 but the course itself is free.

I think the answers on this thread reflect people's experiences at work. If you've worked in a collegiate environment where people help each other you'll say give her more responsibility and welcome her help. If you've worked in a toxic environment where people try to get you sacked you'll find her a threat. Or somewhere inbetween. Only you know what your workplace culture is like.

Op

I don't know why you've had such a hard time on here

Firstly be the best you can be at your job...........do not worry about this one woman, I agree she seems to be undermining you.

If she starts on one of her rants; interject 'thank you but I have that under control'

And repeat where necessary!

The directors hired you for the job and it's common with inside promotions that someone would be unhappy with the outcome of the promotion.

Once you have said the above to her if she still tries to talk over you just interject again. Like I said its under control but thank you'

Riding - thanks for that, I will definitely look into that.

Quitelikely - thank you, not sure why I'm getting such a hard time either but it's Mumsnet isn't it. I don't expect people to sugar coat, I'm a longtime mumsnetter, I know the score .

Thanks for your helpful suggestions .

Also think you've had some harsh comments here OP. I'm going through a similar experience where I work, I've moved into a very established team into a newly created senior role doing a very niche job. I'm finding that lots of people are getting very territorial when I step on their turf, even though I'm the subject matter expert. It's very hard trying to stamp my authority, and my workplace is very toxic with a horrible blame culture. I really feel your pain, it undermines you and knocks your confidence.

Do agree though that you need to sit down with this woman and agree your roles and responsibilities so that there are clear parameters. From what you've described, I'm inclined to think that she is doing this to make you feel incompetent and perhaps this stems from jealousy or a sense of being threatened. You shouldn't feel scared of stamping your authority over her although do it in a way that doesn't get bitchy or personal. Easier said than done though I know, some people seem to be very good at this, but I am not one of them.

Have some

Are futurelearn certificates respected by employers? I'd like some management courses myself, ideally cheap!

If you are limited to google for your training I can recommend the Harvard business review articles, you get a number free a month. I recall some recent ones on managing former peers.

Agree with previous poster on taking time to review new procedures with the team. It will give you a chance to nut out tasks and job roles and perhaps provide clarity. You might then find it settles down, especially of combined with some additional responsibility for her and some greater role confidence from you. If it doesn't settle you have also given yourself a legitimate starting point for the more difficult conversations that may have to happen. Walk tall, grow into your role and you will have little need of clever come backs! Good luck!

Also do bear in mind that for some, their whole identity is based on being smarter than the boss (this may have been me before I actually became the boss). They (and you) will go much further when they click that all have joint responsibility for outcomes! And that good bosses want you to excel and create he climate for you to thrive.

I work with someone like this. I'm not their boss but we are equivalent levels with different responsibilities. She systematically undermined (in a similar way to what you describe) and bad mouthed our mutual manager until he was eventually made redundant earlier this year. She had no compunction in telling people higher up the organisation how she was carrying him and how she did all the work (she wasn't and didn't) and as they are remote to our site they took her word for what was happening. Hence his redundancy. She has now taken on some aspects of his role and I have other aspects. It's horrible as she's got what she wants. I'm looking for other work as the organisation isn't what I thought it was.
All this ramble is to advise you to watch your back OP and to get hold of the situation whilst you can.

Grump, what a horrible situation. I hope you find a better job (or at least a healthier environment). It makes my post seem very naive :( ... And given me some food for thought, I manage assuming the best intention of all concerned, and wonder whether this will only get me so far!

Well I hope that your employee isn't plotting in this way. I'm sure that the average person isn't manipulative in this way but it's worth considering that some people aren't all they seem. I hope that you get things sorted out.