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[Hjb2410]

Hello
I'm after some advice please
A very long story cut short my mum passed away 23/12/14 where I had a prolonged period of time off work. Once my mum passed away I became the second parent and helped my dad with everything, I also became carers for my dads dad who had terminal cancer and my mums parents.

This last month my dads dad had detiorated massively where he had to be cared for 24 hours a day. Myself my dad and my Grandad's lady friend came up with a rota for the three of us to care for my grandad. I often went to help my grandad in the morning before work then worked an 8-8.5 hour shift doing my general job and then went straight round to help care for my grandad for the evening. This last week I was doing that most days. However on Sunday 14th February my grandad passed away. We are devastated. I contacted work and requested that I was off this next week. My boss informed me he would see if it was possible and would let me know today.

Today I get a text at 1.30pm stating I can have today and the funeral day off but expected in work as normal? Ive looked at policies and everything but struggling to find things relating to my situation and for carers?

I am sorry for your loss. I'm not sure what being a carer has to do with your current request for time off though? What you are looking at is compassionate leave and your company should have a policy on that which will probably specify expected amounts of time off for the death of a relative. Unfortunately it may well be that for anyone outside of a parent or sibling, you are only entitled to two days. Having said that, many companies offer some flexibility in situations where the employee has been very close to the person who died and needs a bit more time. If your company are not willing/able to offer this, could you consider taking some annual leave?

The only reason I mentioned being a carer is ive carer for my grandad yet still expected to only have two days one of these including the funeral.
Unfortunately my work place isn't willing to let me have any extra time off so I will look into taking some annual leave.

I'm so sorry for your losses. It sounds like you've had a really tough time.

I don't think your employers are unreasonable giving two days of compassionate leave for a grandparent's death. I hope that, under your circumstances, they are flexible enough to grant you some annual leave as well.

I don't think it is that unusual for non immediate family, sorry. Agree take leave in between or sick if you are unable to work, although that may be more tricky longterm.

I'm very sorry for your loss.

I think, however, it's fairly standard that compassionate leave, which I think is what you're after, is reserved for immediate family (parents, spouses, siblings and children is how it's defined here). I have known a colleague be granted a couple of days off when her bother-in-law died as she and her dh were his only family. She didn't ask iirc, she gave her leave card to our manager and was granted compassionate leave on his discretion.

Dh took annual leave for the funerals of both of his grandmothers.

In most places you'd only get 2 days (if any!) for the death of a parent. They aren't obliged to give you anything. Sorry for your loss but you're expecting too much. And being his carer is irrelevant now he's dead.

I think that 2 days is quite usual for a grandparent relationship. I have known my employers to extend additional leave in cases where a grandparent brought up their grandchild in place of their parents.

Sorry for your loss.

I don't think it is that unusual for non immediate family, sorry.

Unfortunately I agree. They aren't doing anything wrong.

The fact you were carer is not relevant to the amount of leave you get.

Thank you for all comments, I appeciate everyone commenting.

I just didn't know where I stood having been his carer.
To be honest being back at work has helped take my mind off things :)