Freelancing, overworked & DH....

[MrsMargoLeadbetter]

Hi

Looking for perspective here...

I (marketing freelancer) have been really busy recently. A new contract (days in a client's offices) means I often have to work in the evening on urgent work for other clients.

DH is great and we share childcare drops & the load at home. However, even in busy times we both generally share the childcare collection, doing dinner & bedtime (2 DC under 7) and then I crack open the laptop and start my 2nd session at 20.30.

DH has a busy employed job and sometimes works of an evening but it isn't everynight as I have this week (until midnight) for eg.

Then in the hols I often have the kids for quite a bit to limit their time in childcare but again I then need to try to do some work of an evening.

My business coach suggested I hand the DC over to DH when he gets home (in the hols as above) to start my work, so I am not working too late.

It makes sense but I am struggling with the idea. I think I feel guilty that I am not gagging to spend the time with the kids, I know they will say "Why isn't Mummy doing bedtime?" and guilty that DH will have to do it all on his own (one DC is a bit of a handful).

Yet on the otherhand I am (selfishly) feeling resentful that I am the one 'losing out' - with no downtime - whilst DCs have a nice week off and DH just carries on as normal. A small voice inside of me is saying ' What about me?'...

Just wondered how others handle this? Or any thoughts?

If you're working more aren't you also earning more? Might additional childcare be the answer?

Fvck the mummy guilt crap. It's a scam.

The kids are already in childcare 7.30 - 6.30 x 4 days and school hours 1 day.

Basically I have more work than 8 - 5 hours x 4 days and 9 - 3 hrs x 1 day I'd like to try to work.

The issue is my newish contract. It it is a project, so will end in a few months.

I do outsource as much as I can but a lot of it is stuff I need to do.

I kinda think that it is just expected with the feast or famine nature of freelancing..but it doesn't mean it feels ok. If that makes any sense.

I know I should drop thw guilt, but I find it v tricky....

Maybe you meant more childcare next week for half-term.... It is only reflecting for writing this thread that I realise DS was last in paid for holiday childcare in the summer. I have covered a fair bit of it.

I think that needs to change.

Hello - a few thoughts:

• For the half-term, can you agree a set number of days for your DH to cover it all? There's maybe a compromise to be had here, where he does half the days. If you need to work, you need to work. Maybe explain to your DCs what the plan is in advance, and then just do it. If everyone knows what they're up to, it makes it easier to just do it without guilt sneaking in. (Maybe a little bribery might smooth things 'if you go to sleep nicely at bedtime with daddy, we will go for ice-cream on Saturday'

For the half-term, can you agree a set number of days for your DH to cover.

Not 'it all'!

Also, the 'what about me' thing. Would it be possible to plan something each week for you only? For example, a gym class? I recently started doing this, and it has helped.

Thanks Ess and hello, we have communciated on a few threads now.

Yes, I need to organise with DH about the holidays. I have just planned my workload until after Easter, so I can see I need cover at Easter. I think lack of planning is often to blame - I don't really know what I am doing so I just think 'I'll take the time off'

I do already go to the gym but generally at 6am, so it doesn't really feel like 'me' time but obv it is! I haven't been out much of an evening this year which might be impacting. It has been v much about work :(. Am starting to book some stuff in.

Book more childcare for the hols. Dh has dc for a block of time at the weekend? It won't be forever. You shouldn't have to work til midnight regularly especially if you're going to the gym at 6!

Indeed we have, your advice/thoughts have always helped - thank you.

Def good if you can get chance to grab some time just for you. Nothing breeds resentment or overwhelm more than feeling like you're doing nothing but work (in amongst your family life obligations).

My husband isn't the best forward planner, and he finds it total dullsville to actually think ahead about what we're going to be doing as a family. One thing that has helped is sharing an ical calendar (which I access via my iphone/mac, and him on his ipad).

Apart from working more hours, another idea is to make your existing time more productive. Thinking slightly left of the middle, have you thought about journalling? I use Day One, which is great, and has helped with making my days more intentional. Also, Momentum is very good too, for helping me working more effectively through improved focus.

Ah, you too.

Lol my DH is the same with forward planning!

Funny enough I am trying a new 'to do' approach based on Bullet Journalling which I saw on a MN thread. And it is helping me to feel a bit more on top of things and planning ahead. I have also moved personal stuff into a different book from work which I hope means I can attend to life/home stuff without dipping into my work book. We shall see.

Thanks for all yours thoughts - it has helped.

Hey Margot

Good to hear you are busy. If you're having a feast then I don't see why you wouldn't hand over more of the bedtime etc to DH - atm your working 'day' is longer than his so he'll have to do more childcare. And you might actually get some adult time in if he does bedtime and you start work right away!

Agree re booking holiday childcare too.

DH travels a lot for work and has changed his work credit card to one that gives hotel points, so we've been away for an overnight (just to a hotel down the road) once already this year with DS, and we've another weekend planned at the end of the month. I have to say I have shamelessly touted this as his 'reward' for supporting me through a very busy time . But I do feel that acknowledging this is a busy time, you need to step up, but it's not forever, and here's a wee treat for us all can be a motivating thing...

Definitely good to try different systems to see what works for you!

If Bullet Journalling doesn't work out, I can 100% recommend Asana for project management and also Evernote as the most amazing 'outside brain' ever. I cannot function without either of these now, honestly.

I use Asana with my team (freelancers and my single employee), and I can see what's happening quite easily on projects. The bonus with Asana is that you can have different workspaces. I have one for work and one for home. TBH, the one for home is a bit sparse, but I'm going to try and use it more as a way to share domestic tasks with DH.

I hope half term is going ok!