Would I be crazy/selfish to take this job?

[yorkshapudding]

Hi all,

I have posted before about feeling trapped in my current career (specialist nurse in NHS) and how the stress is impacting on my physical and mental health. I am not sleeping, am constantly anxious or tearful and can't even enjoy my days off anymore as I spend them worrying about work and dreading going back in.

I have been offered a job as a Pastoral Care Manager in a local secondary school. The school has an excellent reputation and I was struck by what a happy, supportive environment it seemed when I visited and spoke to a few of the staff, although I am aware that there is only so much you can tell from a one off visit! I am excited about the role and was very impressed with the person who would be managing me, felt that we were very much on the same wavelength etc. It is a 5-10 minute drive from home whereas my current commute is around 45 minutes depending on traffic, although I can't say this aspect of the job has ever bothered me. DH works full time, with a long commute (1.5 hours each way) but has weekends off and works from home regularly.

The job is Full time (37 hours) term time only. They have offered to match my current salary pro rata, which is a significant jump from the salary that was advertised.

I currently work 3 full days a week and my lovely Mum looks after my DD (age 2) for those three days (this was my Mum's idea, she loves having DD and is very keen to carry on looking after her for those 3 days) so we would need to put DD in childcare for those additional two days a week. My Mum has offered to have DD five days until she is eligible for her 30 free hours but I do not want to do this as I feel it would be taking advantage. On the positive side though, I would have school holidays off, which I imagine may be very glad of when she is older and there is not a cat in hell's chance of this ever happening in my current field.

A couple of people have commented that I might find it a "shock" working full time after having done 3 days and that it "seems a shame" to have to put DD in childcare when currently we have no childcare costs and she benefits from one to one care from family at home. This has left me wondering if it would be selfish/unfair on DD for me to take this job

I simply cannot carry on as I am and am worried that if I hold out for a job that allows me to earn the same money, for the same hours that I currently have as a specialist with several years experience in my field then I'll never find anything! Am I right in thinking there needs to be an element of compromise if you want to completely change careers?

Very interested to hear people's opinions on part time vs term time only and whether this seems like a good move. Any advice much appreciated.

Apologies for the essay by the way!

Well no-one criticises your dh for working ft do they?

Exactamundo.

Definitely for for it!

And you might reconsider taking your mum up on the offer to do 5 days temporarily - 5 days a week 29 weeks a year = 145 days a year, 3 days a week 47 weeks a year = 141 days so it's not really much of an increase, and it's not for long.

Your DD will be fine. Seeing you each morning and evening before and after a 5 min commute and a job you enjoy plus 2 happy weekend days will be oodles better quality time than what you can manage before and after a long and frazzling commute from a job you hate and 4 days of preoccupied dread in between. She will be happier too.

The new job sounds amazing. Your uncertainty about grabbing it with both hands is completely understandable - you have been so miserable for so long you have begun to internalise it and believe (unconsciously or consciously) that you deserve to be miserable. It's OK though - you can leave the misery behind and have a new and lovely life.

Good luck!

I went from 3 days a week in a stressful job I hated, to full time in a job I felt confident in and enjoyed, when my kids were nursery age. I had the same worries as you, but found it gave me the headspace to be truly 'there' for the kids in my time off. In my 3 days a week job, even on my non-working days and evenings, the job was all I could think about and I couldn't enjoy time with the kids. Working full time in a less stressful job meant that I could interact with them much better on evenings and weekends.

I moved to full time after my maternity with DD2 finished. I got a lot of these comments too so responded with "DH has applied for flexible working" at which point you could see the cogs working as they tried to figure that one out.

As it is we both work FT (I'm a teacher though so do get the holidays) and yes it's hard during term time but in terms of my career I know being FT is for the best, I'm a lot happier in my new school and the money makes family life easier, we're actually planning a family holiday abroad (something we've not been able to do before)

Do it! It sounds perfect!

Bite their hands off!!!!

Your DD will benefit from being in a social childcare environment and the concept of term time only is something most working parents can only dream of!!!

The job sounds fabulous.
Have you thought of a childminder who takes children during term time at all? In my area there are a few who prefer this as it leaves them more time for their own children during the holidays.
As a grandmother looking after DGS 5 and DGD 3 I could probably do 4 days a week term tine only as it is in manageable blocks and dentist hairdresser ect could be slotted into holiday . 5 days would be pushing it for me if I'm honest.

It's the dream scenario, I think.

Consider childcare needs on a year by year basis, as it will change at each stage. Your mum plus nursery. Then maybe your mum could do wrap around the 30 hours if you used a local setting. Then wraparound for before and after school. And nothing needed in the holidays.

Close by for emergencies, appointments etc.

Reduced commuting time and costs.

Take it! I speak as someone who works 3 days a week with an hour's commute each way. DC are 4 and 7. When your dd is at school the term time only hours and shorter commute will be invaluable. And when she's 3, the term time hours will help you make the most of her Early Years funding hours.,

Do it! :)

Thank you all so much for your lovely, thoughtful replies. I was so excited about the role initially but a couple of negative comments made me question everything.. which I suppose is indicative of how emotional and worn down I'm feeling at the moment due to current job.

You've all convinced me to go for it
FishwithBicycle, I can't believe it only works out as an extra 4 days a year! When you put it like that it seems ridiculous to turn down this opportunity for the sake of an extra few days!

DH is very supportive but he works in a highly competitive and completely male-dominated field. There is no chance whatsoever of him reducing his hours or getting flexible working. One of his colleagues (highly skilled, many years experience etc) requested flexible working on childcare grounds a couple of years ago and was basically laughed at. When he tried to push it they made it very clear that they would rather lose him and find someone else than give an inch. Completely agree with those posters addressing the double standards here and, no, funnily enough my DH has never had any negative comments about the fact that he has a child and works full time . Frustratingly, the comments ive had have all come from other women too! DH just wants me out of my current job, happier and healthier so I know he will support my decision.

It's a no brainer ...take it! Some always have negative comments to make no matter what your lifestyle choices are.

Do it!
I will post later as I am on the way out now but I have very similar circumstances (also NHS) and would go for that job in a flash! School holidays off too! Marvellous.

It sounds perfect. Making the decision to leave something you know for the unknown can be scary as well, that can eat away at your confidence.
I was terrified when I left my last job but a year down the line I am so happy with my work/life I feel like a different person.
Go for it.

I work in the NHS and my children are 11 and 7 now. I would definitely take a term time FT job over a 3 day week job in the NHS. You have to remember the awful shifts in the NHS (nights, late shifts and weekends) and the fact we have lost so much money over the last few years. Things will get worse in the NHS and enhancement payments will go next. Privatisation is on the cards and, once that happens, goodness knows what will happen to NHS staff.

Like you, I work 3 days a week and have a commute of at least 45 mins a day (usually an hour due to traffic). I was moved from the other hospital in our trust (in my hometown) against my wishes and hours were changed from, the majority of, 9-5 to all over the place. DH works shifts in his job and we have no grandparents to help so we rely on breakfast club and a local child minder. We struggle.
I am constantly refused school holidays off and DH has fixed holidays so you can imagine the nightmare we have.

Look ahead when your DD will be in school. You will get all the holidays off with her. The school will probably have a breakfast club allowing you to get to your school (ours charges £2 a day). Also, most schools run after school clubs. Your mum may be able to help? Or, a local child minder. You can use the free 30 hours childcare in term time only.

Honestly, take it! You won't get another job with a matched salary to a specialist nurse and term time only anywhere else (unless, you became a school nurse I guess).

Good luck - wish I could join you!

Are you me?!

There is absolutely no way on this earth that I would now go back to working shifts in a hospital. I love working in a school. It's fun, friendly, supportive and varied. The hours are great (I do 8-4) and I love having the holidays.

I still do some agency when I want to, which pays well, but they'd have to double it for me to do it permanently!!

"You won't get another job with a matched salary to a specialist nurse and term time only anywhere else (unless, you became a school nurse I guess). "

Even the NHS school nurses round here are having their contracts changed (against their wishes) so they aren't allowed to do term time only anymore. I've tried various nursing roles but the politics, bureaucracy and the relentless eroding of pay and conditions seems to be the same everywhere. It makes me sad as I used to love nursing but I just want out now.

The NHS will lose many, many staff over these changes. Many females (and mums) work in the NHS and it seems that it is harder and harder to continue in any role. Seriously un-family friendly now! Most of my colleagues are at burn out now. I have never seen it so bad.

They will realise when it is too late!

Good luck with your new job and enjoy the holidays!

Yup - my mum was a district nurse until a few months ago & they were told that part timers would not be allowed fixed days. Useless not only for parents but also her colleagues who looked after grandchildren certain days of the week.

That couple with bullying management meant hordes left the same time as my mum.

She is pre school for the next 2-3 years. She will be in school for 13 years! Every school holiday off is the dream and if its your perfect job to boot the you have to say yes!

Also, there are many, many people (women...) ready to bitch about your lifestyle choices around being a parent. It says more about them than you.

I hope that the NHS wakes up one day and realises what they have done - mind you, we won't have a National Health Service if the Cons get their way!