Can WOHMs PLEASE help me make up my mind

[Zog]

I'm currently a SAHM doing some hourly work for a local firm. I've been out of my career for 8 years but really enjoyed it prior to children. I've got 3 kids, so anything I do has to be reasonably well paid to cover childcare in the holidays, otherwise it becomes a lot of hassle for not a lot of return. I would love to go back to what I did before having children, even though it was pretty stressful. Plus, we're seriously skint.

BUT, I'm stuck thinking that my kids are going to lose out if I'm working. I love the holidays with them, just mooching around, but I realise this isn't going to last forever as they start to do more things with their own friends. They have friends round for tea a fair bit and do some (not lots) of out of school activities - I need someone to give me a slap and tell me that their worlds will not collapse if they're not doing these things.

I'm torn between making them work round me i.e. going back to my pre-kids career and working round them i.e. getting a job as a TA in a school or similar.

Please tell me your experiences, good and bad.

I've got to dash out but will be back later, so I'm not ignoring any responses - TIA

I would do it. Your kids worlds will not collapse. I wokr part time so get the best of both worlds.

Hi, I worked from 8am until 3pm up until March this year and was able to collect the kids from school and take them to their after school activities. I was then made redundant and found it really difficult to find a job with the hours I wanted paying the money I needed, so I made the very difficult decision of returning to work full-time (started as a temp to make sure I could cope with the hours),it is hard trying to juggle everything, but we are financially more comfortable and I really appreciate every minute I spend with my dds.
My dd's go dancing and I swapped their class after school with a class on a Saturday morning and arranged for someone to take my daughter to Brownies once a week.

Could they do their out of school activities at the weekend? Mine dance at 9.30am for an hour so we still have the rest of Saturday free. I don't feel my children are missing out on anything and the extra money we have has been great, we have already booked to go abroad next year and paid the deposit and we were able to buy all our christmas presents early as we had the money, meaning we can spend December wages doing things as a family. It also means that if we want to go out for a day we can usually afford it, whereas before we would need to save for a day out.

It sounds like you are ready to move back into work and that you would like to do it. It is understandable that you feel torn, but I wouldn't worry too much about your kids - I am sure that they will be fine! My own mother returned to work as a nurse from the time I was 8 (younger sister 6) and I never felt ignored or that she didn't have time for me. In fact it forced me to be quite independent, especially as a teenager where I had to contribute to the family with chores and cooking, rather than just expect and take. It sounds quite harsh, but it really wasn't - actually it helped to prepare me for a more realistic adulthood. My mother really liked and was good at her job and this was good for her self-esteem I think- she did worry at times about my sister and me losing out, but we both benefitted - we took part in more after school activities, choir, drama, sports etc. and Mum was always around for stuff that mattered. If you want to go back to work, just discuss it openly with your kids - the pros and cons. They may surprise you with their enthusiasm on your behalf. Sorry to witter on...

Thanks so much for these responses, they're really helpful. I like the idea of seeing what they think about it - you're right, I think they might surprise me. We can't afford to do much as a family at all (plus a holiday next year is looking very doubtful), so the upsides would be tremendous. I guess it's just a very different way of looking at things and you're right, I would probably put more effort into the time that I did have with them, rather than the situation as it stands ATM.

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As someone how has just got 3 too teenage years can I just emphasise how much they don't want you after a while. Sometimes they grunt and they're always keen on food (and of course sometimes you're in the kitchen talking about Bush and Blair) but they don't in general want a parent around much. So going back is probably just getting you ready for that phase in a sense.

also depends on your child care. I pay someone after school to pick them up and bring them here so of course they can have friends round or she can take them to an after school activity or pick them up from school late because one had a sports match or whatever so all that stuff does not have to disappear just because you're back at work.

If I asked my 5 tonight if they're glad I work (and someone on here will say I've bred a load of materialistic horrible children but that is not true... ) but they would look at the new Nintendo wii and the prospect of the skiing holiday tomorrow and they'd think I was mad to suggest they might have been better off with me not working.

I love working.I like my job, I'm a hospital doctor normally but am currently on a sabbatical,and have taken an academic post in a provincial university in France...it's less full on than clinical work,( where I usually worked 7-7,and sometimes on call at weekends/evenings too ), but it's still 9-5ish,( though they do believe in their lunch breaks these french academics !!!), with a half hour commute at either end of the day. I have 5 children 7month thru' 6,incuding twin babes..I have bought our fulltime nanny with us from England and we have a femme de menage everyday who also cooks and shops for us...Good help, as much as you can afford/find is my top tip..Also carve time out to do things you enjoy..I love swimming,( we are really jammy here in France as house has it's own pool, indoors too so swimming is an almost thrice daily activity in the Mozhe household !), and try an incorporate the kids too...After all why should adults spend all their time in those ghastly soft play areas...haven't seen any of those in France so far, yippee ! Also try to chill about 'tiredness',anxiety will magnify itx10 so accept that you'll function a bit below parr...Good luck!

Could you do some sort of temping/maternity leave cover/short contract work? This might give you the flexibility you need for the holidays.

I have always gone back to work part-time when each of mine were 5 months old. Some days I miss them, other days I'm glad to hand them over to someone else and go sit infront on a computer screen for the next 4 hours.

I find on-line shopping a god-send!

I think, on your question of whether to get them to work around you or take work like TA that allows you to work around them... This is just my personal preference, but I think it's best to do what you really want to do - a job that you can really enjoy. If that ends up being TA, well, fantastic. But if that isn't what you really want to do, don't do it.

Otherwise you might find you've made a sacrifice on the assumption of what your children want/need when it won't necessarily make that much difference to them. Whereas your happiness will make a huge difference to them.

Thanks, I really appreciate everyone's thoughts on this. I've decided to go back to what I used to do pre children and could really do with any advice on how to approach that here

Thank you