Lost, one brain, answers to the name of becster. Reward.

[thebecster]

Anyone else having difficulty concentrating at work after coming back from maternity leave? I think it's partly sleep-deprivation (DS wakes at 11pm and 4am - I share night duty with DP, but still wake when DS cries even when it's DPs turn). My attention span is shot and I can't seem to get through the same workload I used to, can't follow things, keep getting confused in negotiations, keep procrastinating on the trickier tasks... I need to work and need to be good at my job, we rely on my income - help! Anyone else been through this? Did your brain come back after you'd been back a while?

Xenia, I have worked through the night on deals and would say it is a completely different form of tiredness. For a start, I have never done all-nighters on a deal for months of consecutive nights: there is always a target date (or at least a target week) to aim at, but no such end in sight with a sleepless baby.

Second, there is no emotional element to working on a deal. In the first few months of my DD's life I was constantly wondering whether my milk was not satisfying her or whether something was wrong with her. The emotional intensity is far more draining than physical or intellectual tiredness.

Don't understand why you would view it as "dangerous" to employ new mothers though (unless of course they are handling heavy machinery!). The key point is that my clients never got a worse service. I took files home at weekends and did detailed structure charts for my own benefit. Sound like the employers of the other ladies on this thread are getting a similar service from them.

I'm not dangerous at all. It may be that I was just super-dooper exceptional before and the drop in my ability has just brought me down to excellent , but I think I'm using different techniques in my job - like making a lot of notes, whereas before I didn't need to.

In fact, I'm on a higher rate than the rest of my team (all men, and as far as I know, none of them have given birth) and deemed worth the 'expense', so I can't be a complete liability. I'm often praised for my work, although this might be a reflection on the fact that I'm more professional having trained in the US & UK rather than Australia, which is more laid back.

Yes pendulum, you're exactly right - I do occasionally work through the night on a deal. But with this mothering lark it's been 15 months since I had more than 3 hours uninterrupted sleep (9 months of HG, 6 months of a baby who doesn't like to sleep) - that's waaaaay more than my job has ever demanded of me. (And yes, Xenia, same is true of DH, he's just as knackered as I am) And secondly pendulum is dead right about the emotional component. With work I've always been 100% confident & sure of the next step to take and if I've worked through the night it's been to get something done. Whereas with DS I work through the night to...??? What exactly? It's just much harder.
Definitely not dangerous - I still bring in more deals than the rest of the team combined. I just don't look quite so good doing it as I did before I had DS!
Anyway I've got my new systems in place and they seem to be working. Apart from I stayed late in the office to set them up & ended up locked in the building

good for you becster (the new systems.... not the getting locked in!)

Keep it up and it WILL get easier. My DD is now 2 1/2 and compared to those first 6-ish months back at work, it's a walk in the park (except when she's ill.... but that's another story!)

Dangerous if they aren't competent. Mistakes in figures and documents. Some customers make enquiries about how much sleep staff get, prohibit all night sessions etc because they know it can lead to mistakes. Wonder if they shoudl be asking who has had a night out on the tiles the day before or been up with a baby all night too? If I'm tired then I check things more than usual as I suppose most people do to be on the safe side. Yes, it's a different tiredness. I remember very occasionally working until midnight, going upstairs to breastfeed the twins and then coming down here to work to 3am (not often) and that was ina sense easier because there was that defined task and people waiting for the stuff and that excitement which is not the same adrenalin surge as you get when the baby wakes up yet again. All I can say 22 years into parenthood is that the few periods with lack of sleep are very very short even though they don't seem so at the time. |It's just a little tiny phase or blip in your life that passes.

Oh god I hope it's over soon! Last night DS woke at 1.30am, 2.30am, 3am, 4am, 5am... Basically each time I drifted off to sleep he woke up and screamed. I think he's teething. And now I'm trying to structure a deal offer when I'm nauseous with sleep-deprivation. Maybe I am dangerous...

Poor you. It just doesn't last that long in the context of a life. Look at me at 44, with 5 children. I haven't been woken by a small child needing attention in the night for years. it feels a very long way away. I do get teenagers getting in at 3am but that's completely different and not really disturbing.

What's funny is when you move to a position where you can't wake them up, it's noon and they're still asleep. You can't imagine that when they're babies.

I went through this too and it's awful. I think you need to get the sleeping sorted asap as it's not possible to function properly at work on such a small amount of sleep. When I was going through this I spoke to my HV and she sent me to an NHS sleep clinic which helped alot. Ds still doesn't sleep particularly well, but we now know how to manage it and I feel almost normal most days!

I can't imagine that! And I bet I'll get all nostalgic for my little baby boy...
Thanks Xenia.

The first few months were horrendous - but it dose get easier. As others say it's the lack of sleep. I function on far fewer hours thatn I previously did. I still don't think I fire on as many cylinders as I did previously. I have been back at wrok for over a year and I now feel comfortable in my role again (I had a promotion whilst on maternity leave, fools!).

Now I'm pregnany again and it will all be abck to square one (already is).

Lists are definitely the way forward.

It's definitely the sleeping for us. When we have a phase of a child being ill or not sleeping well (such as lately with horrible night-waking toddler) my work productivity goes right down. and then up again when we get proper sleep.

We take turns when it gets bad on the sleeping, but I have to be well out of hearing range, and maybe with earplugs, to not get disturbed by it when it's DP's turn.

I hope this doesn't sound too trite, but try not to worry about being tired....imo anxiety is worse than tiredness.Accept your tiredness, you will function at about 80-90% maybe ? Is that so bad ? try to think of creative ways to improve the situation.....'power nap',( not my thing but DH swears by it...), on tube/train, spend time at lunchtime exercising,( yes i know it seems counter intuitive but exercize really does help...), and don't forget to laugh at your situation, or at least at something everyday...humour and laughter are really good for people.Give yourself one big treat everyday, and write yourself a letter,( or get DP t do it...), telling yourself what a fantastic job you are doing ! Btw I work fulltime in a university at the moment,( though 'til recently as a hospital doc...), and have 5 children aged 7 months to 6 years.....very, very luckily though do not need much sleep...4 hours straight does me, although with 7 month twins that sems a bit of a challenge sometimes! We have just moved countries ,( form UK to France ) , and they are full of " new ' cold bugs at the mo....Joy. If you can afford it how about hiring a night nanny for a few nights ? Even one night a week can make all the difference....

That's really helpful, thanks all. DH has offered to do a full night of getting up for DS tonight as I'm so shattered. The night nanny is a tempting idea - but do you need a spare room for them to stay in? We're in a 2 bed flat, and DS's room is too small to even put camp bed in. Don't fancy having her in with us

I'm trying to take Mozhe's advice and chill out about it all...

i am back at work full time (since august)and agree that sleep deprivation makes my job so much harder, I am currently sat at my desk surrounded by a drift of post it notes trying to stay awake til 5.30- when I will dash off to the nursery and find the energy to sing to dd all the way home. Would be easier if she didn't wake up several times a night, but I sometime think us working mummies find it hard to get tough on night waking when we don't see our little one's as much as we'd like in the day? any thoughts?

that's a really interesting thought woodworm. I was on a thread yesterday being all self-righteous about controlled crying & the fact I haven't done it with DS for his night-time waking. I suppose I should ask myself if I don't want to be too tough with him because I don't spend all day with him... Oh dear I do hope not. I have to say though I think DS is too young for proper sleep training. When he's 10 months or so maybe. When I tried to do 'crying down' while I was on mat. leave it really didn't work. If anything he 'cried up' not 'down'!

My DS is 10 months, and i'm trying to do gradual withdrawal with her, I go in the first time she cries, then go out even if she is still howling and wait for 2 mins, then 3 min etc.. very tedious but it is working very slowly, she still feeds twice at night (Still BF when i'm around)but i've pushed her first waking back from 9pm to 1am over the last few weeks, most of the time. We did try this when she was 6 months and it didn't work so well.

Just noticed i've given my daughter gender reassignment in the last message- oops!

becster...night nanny would be very happy on couch in living room, as they just catnap and are 'on duty' so don't expect a proper bed, one of my sisters used them for her insomniac son...that's what they had with her as she also lives in 2 bedder, do you live in London by any chance ? If so I could ask her who they were, it was literally a couple of months ago.....he's much better now btw.
Also don't do ' controlled crying ' or anything else UNLESS it is what you want to do.....go for what you feel comfortable with, wait 'til 10 months by all means if that is what you feel is right for you....

Yes I'm in London - would be very glad of a referral - thanks Mozhe!

OK I'm on to it but have to go to Christmas Service at DSs school this evening but will ring sis when i get back.....

Working mothers and sleep is an interesting issue. I definitely remember 22 years ago finding particularly special the night time breastfeeds with my first child. I liked that connectoin with her evrey few hours throughout the night and I needed to empty my breasts anyway because of the way it was all working. I got a lot of pleasure from breastfeeding, the build up, release, hormonal effects etc. Now there are probably a whole load of rose tinted spectacles applied there and I do remember lots of nights when she just woudln't settle but I can see the point made below that if you're away all day you might want more contact at night, whereas a stay at home mother might think by about 7pm right, done my bit for over 12 hours, now let's be rid and have a bit of peace.

By the time we'd had quite a few more children I think they just got more into a routine automatically and with the last, twins I was quite keen to get them to bed in a regular pattern although they certainly woke to feed in the night for a year. I expect it partly depends on the personality of the parents too whether they work or not however. So I'm not sure if the theory works. I certainly used to like it when they were all asleep and the house was peaceful - which you don't get with 3 teenagers ever.