leaving ds overnight with relative vs. daytime nanny...

[boozybird]

I have a dilemma - i am going back to work when ds is 6 months. i have two choices a) i find a nanny to look after him at my home the four days a week i'm working - i will worry he is not getting enough 'real' love, and being cared for as i would care for him; b) he is looked after by my sister, who lives quite far away, and i would probably need to leave him with her at least one night a week because the journey's a nightmare. the thing with b) is that she loves him to bits, cares for him the same way as me and has the same values and attitude to discipline as me. i would not worry about his happiness at all if he were with her.
what worries me is that i will miss him desperately for that one night a week - although it will mean a night alone with dp without having to find/pay for a babysitter, and be one day a week i can work late.
i'm really struggling with what would be the best for ds. DP strongly feels sister is the best option - both for care of ds and for our relationship.

anyone have any experience of regularly leaving their dc overnight?

haven't got expereince of leaving child overnight regularly but I read that children who are looked after regularly by grandparents or very close relatives do not suffer detrimental effects and actually benefit as much, and sometimes more, by being looked after by them as compared to a childminder/nanny/nursery. I think that it was a government report - it was really pro family care. That's not to say I disagree with nannies (my sister is one!)and I know she loved the last little girl she looked after like she was her own daughter. But as your sister already knows your son's routine etc, he won't be upset getting used to somebody new.

To be really negative here but your sister would be a 2nd Mum and great guardian should anything every happen to you!

Ok I'm probably going to be controversial here and I don't want to be.

I would find it hard to be away from DS for one night a week as I am sure would you. Also presumably as its a long distance then your DS would be in the car/public transport for a long period each day which would cut down on the amount of time you would get with him and would be quite difficult for him and would also be tiring for you and your DP.

I presume your sister doesn't have a job, but whatever her circumstances it is a big commitment to look after her nephew 4 days and maybe a couple of nights per week.

What age is your DS? I ask because I felt very similar to you in the early months and I would just say be careful that you don't end up with an arrangement that theoretically is best for your DS but leave all of you exhausted from travelling.

Good luck whatever you decide.

In my expreience childcarers leave frequently and in all probabability if your sister commits she will continue for several years.

I went back to f/t work when DD was 7 months old, my house sale had fallen through so had to leave DD with my mum (350 miles) away from 6pm sunday till midnight Fri, for 6 weeks. Leaving her the first time was the 2nd hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life, but I got through it and have no regrets.

I would be concerned if my DH said one night a week without our child was the best thing for our relationship.

thanks for all the input. Buffysmum - i already have agreed with my sister that she will bring him up if anything happens to me and dp! she couldn't have kids of her own and loves him like he is hers.

Rookie... she will do the travelling to my house and look after him there on a monday and tues, come back wed morning, take him home with her and bring him back thursday afternoon. it's actually not that far distance wise, but the journey means coming across london in the rush hour traffic essentially doubling the time in the car. on the days he goes to her house and back it wouldn't be rush hour, so he'd only be in the car 40mins or so. She does have a job, but she wants to leave and i would pay her the same money i would be paying a nanny... although i would save on babysitting expenses as i won't pay her for the overnight.

i think i will give it a go...

Sorry boozybird I didn't know all the circumstances. As you are intending to pay your sister and as it is her that is doing most of the travelling then its completely different and sounds like it would work really well.

Hope your return to work goes well.