Am bricking it about tomorrow

[threelittlegifts]

Some of you will remember me posting about the "issues" I am having at work. It has been held over my head for about 8 weeks now, and tomorrow is the day I officially meet with my boss to "discuss" things. Previous attempts at discussion have resulted in him putting his opinion across, me attempting to respond and him cutting me off, dismissing my views and resulting in me becoming upset because I am not getting my say, and have to continue to work with what I consider to be falsehoods about me.
I am taking the union rep in with me, who was very pro-active until he read the letter my boss wrote, detailing what he considers to be my failings and asking for an action plan, which I have provided. The union rep now considers, because the matter is informal and not a disciplinary, that I should stick to the points in the action plan and focus on being positive for the future, without mentioning the things I disagree with. I just don't feel I can let these things go, because they simply aren't true. I feel singled out, as some of the things he has mentioned as shortcomings not only do I not do but my colleagues do IYSWIM. So I have decided to prepae some notes and see how things go tomorrow, but I feel I have to be prepared to insist that I have my say.
This whole thing is consuming and making me ill (have a bowel complaint and stress is making it worse). I am still completing a work-related qualification, which was the only reason I was staying in the job, and I just failed my first assignment on that. I'm feeling pretty miserable and wondering what the point is!
Just wanted to get some thoughts out in front of me. Please keep your fingers crossed for an acceptable outcome for me tomorrow. Thanks for reading if you got this far!

TBH

I would be led by the union rep, for now.

Then change from within if you can.

am very glad you are taking your union rep with you.......and am so sorry you are having a hard time......poor you...esp, re making your bowel complain worse....this all must be very disheartening...i do wish you lots of luck and hope things improve for you xxxx

will be thinking of you hun good luck XX

Thanks lulu and Sherlock. Tbh my instinct was to do just that LGJ, but everyone I have spoken to in RL about it (mum, hubby, friends etc) think I can't let things go, because his handling has been so poor throughout. I do want a resolution to the situation, and future support, but OTOH I don't know if our working relationship is retrievable if I think he thinks these things of me.

Actually just thinking about it, and typing about it, has my stomach in knots

Thanks Spooky

Ignore your family and friends, they love you.

They do not work with you, they do not have the experience of a union rep.

I know.

God I just don't know what to do about the whole thing. Appreciate your replies

Threelittle gifts - what a horrible time you are having !

Have you asked your union rep why your concerns re your boss should not be aired at the meeting ? It is clearly something you feel very strongly about (and rightly so). If your union rep feels tomorrows meting should dwell on your action plan and finding a way forward rather than your relationship with your manager could you discuss this problem at a follow up meeting?

Maybe you can request that a seperate meeting takes place (with union rep) to discuss your difficult relationship with your boss. You could bring it up briefly at tomorrows meeting saying that you feel it is affecting your confidence (and your performance) and so needs resolving.

Personally I would steer clear of mentioning other people (ie that other people are rubbish but nothing is done) simply because your boss will probably say he can't discuss other members of staff with you - instead, concentrate on how he makes you feel and give specific examples. For example if when you have cried he is abrupt you could explain it makes you feel he doesn't care and is unapproachable (nobody can argue with how you feel).

I would take your union reps advice but if you really want this addressing then I would ask that it is discussed in another meeting and that the union rep accompanys you and gives you advice on what to say.

It could be that to have this meeting you will have to make an official complaint about your manager to HR (register a grievance). Again, take advice from the union as to what needs to be done.

Good luck and I will think of you tomorrow.

Forgot to say commiserations on failing your PGCE assignment - for what it is worth I know lots of people who failed theirs on first submission.

Is it worth speaking to your PGCE Tutor about how to resubmit the assignment (and pass) and also mentioning the problems you are having at work - not only will they be able to perhaps make allowances for you but also they may be a good source of advice (as may other teachers on your course). I know our PGCE group often resembled a counselling session !

Also, has anybody else at your college done this particular PGCE course ? I know that I leant my assignment folder to about 5 of my colleages over the years following mine. Obviously they didn't copy anything but it did help them see the sort of thing they were expected to write/include and the standard expected.

If not, perhaps you PGCE tutor has some past examples of work submitted for each assignment which you could look at before writing yours.

Just to update those who replied (and anyone else who wants to know!)

Had meeting mon, went FAR better than had expected. Surprisingly boss was nice as pie to me in presence of union rep. Stuck mainly to positive points for progression but did manage to make several points and boss made several concessions too so overall am v pleased with outcome, will see how things go. Am going to get a mentor for support, which will be great for me.

Feeling better about PGCE too, as I am not the only one and am feeling a lot more positive this week.

Thanks incy for your supportive replies as always Am going to start a related thread in a min if you want to take a look!