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Original poster

Should I quit work? Please help advise!

25 replies

MathildaF · 04/10/2015 23:15

So, not a new issue, but would really appreciate some help. Currently I work full time. I have one son who is 16 months old. So far I haven't had to use childcare thanks to family nearby. However, this can't continue for much longer. Basically, I need to decide asap whether to put him into full time childcare or give up work to look after him. I'm fortunate in that my husband earns a decent wage and we can afford for me to stay at home (we are not rich by any stretch but will get by). I cannot work part time so that is not an option. I know I sound mad to even be asking this, I mean who likes work! But, I have to think of the future and also how I will feel dossing around at home and not earning a living when I am perfectly fit and able. We would like to have another kid but I am 40 and not sure whether this will happen.
Any advice would be much appreciated.

OP posts:

Finallyonboard · 04/10/2015 23:20

I can give up work now from a financial perspective but haven't (although think about it every now and again). I think that we, as a family benefit from routines that give us all independent time, including my four year old. We all need some thing that is just ours, for me that's work. If you give up work, have you got something else, away from the DC?

KatharineClifton · 04/10/2015 23:24

You don't seem the stay at home type really. When you write 'dossing around at home and not earning a living when I am perfectly fit and able.' seems to show you don't see raising a child as a perfectly valid job. Albeit an unpaid job. You'll take a hit to your career prospects by having a break, and what for? To do something you'd not really enjoy or appreciate?

BikeRunSki · 04/10/2015 23:26

Stay in work!

I went p/t after dc1 was born, now itching for dc2 to start school (next year) when I will increase my hours. I enjoyed mat leave and a few years p/t, but I am now bored to tears!

Original poster

MathildaF · 04/10/2015 23:28

Thanks - appreciate your perspective. It's a good point. No, I don't have 'something else' right now, but that's really because I don't have time. I think I would get involved in stuff. If I stopped work, it would just be for a year or so, whilst DS is so young. Just don't feel happy about full time childcare for him at the moment (8am to 6pm 5 days a week).

OP posts:

Original poster

MathildaF · 04/10/2015 23:30

Thanks everyone. You're probably all right, but it's not really what I was hoping for!! I hate work and if I'm really honest would love to stay at home and hang out with my son but I just can't quite justify it.

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futureme · 04/10/2015 23:33

I'm sort of a SAHM. I don't see it as dossing around though. I've taken a real interest in my kids development and enjoyed the classes we've done and the places I've taken them! They're much more active when they're not babies and I'm glad I've had the opportunity to be with them.

However, I would have loved to have qualified in aparticular field pre-kids and continued part time if that had been possible as an ideal solution.

DragonsCanHop · 04/10/2015 23:35

I did what you are thinking about. I went from a full time career to a sahm for 3 years and I'm now working full time in something else.

I loved it, the pressure was off and oh my, my days were full with DC , house hold stuff and just being able to be at home.

I think if you have the chance, financially able and want to do it you should do what you think is best for your family.

Wolfiefan · 04/10/2015 23:37

I've recently given up work. Yes I'm poorer but I'm happier.
I have sooooo much more time and patience for the kids. I'm not constantly stressed and knackered.
House looks better. DH is able to focus just on work and then fun time with the kids when he gets home.
I also get to the gym, volunteer and spend time with my rapidly ageing mum.

KatharineClifton · 04/10/2015 23:38

It's a no-brainer if you actually want to do it and hate work. I absolutely adored being at home with mine when they were small. I was very very poor, but wouldn't of swapped it for anything.

Original poster

MathildaF · 04/10/2015 23:43

Thanks! It just seems like a really big decision and I'm so stressed I can't think straight. I don't want to regret quitting work and am worried I'll burn bridges in a small industry. Also, will I be any good as a SAHM?! Am keen but inexperienced. Another thing, most SAHMs seem to have more than one child and I must admit I'm worried what people will think about me working zero hours with one child to care for.

OP posts:

KatharineClifton · 04/10/2015 23:45

Childcare can never equate to 'zero hours' even with one child! The most important thing in life is family (I know that sounds barftastic but) so who the hell cares about what people outside think?

KatharineClifton · 04/10/2015 23:46

Can you not request a period of garden leave, say 6 months?

Original poster

MathildaF · 04/10/2015 23:48

Agree - family is the most important thing and the way I am carrying on I'll be lucky if my husband can put up with me much longer!

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Original poster

MathildaF · 04/10/2015 23:51

Good idea KatharineClifton, thanks, but unfortunately not possible. My boss has three young kids himself and, with a full time nanny, his wife has always worked full time. He thinks this is great and normal!

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BackforGood · 05/10/2015 00:08

It all seems very black and white that you've

had full time childcare from family / no professional childcare but you are going to now be able to have none
can only work full time, or quit completely

Are you sure there are no compromises here?

a 'secondment' from work rather than resigning
part time options
some kind of 'consultancy' work, or work you can do at home in the evenings or weekend when little one is asleep or dh can take over, or maybe using an au pair or babysitter
some time with family and some in childcare?

It all seems such a big change, as you've clearly returned to work after maternity leave.

Stillunexpected · 05/10/2015 11:26

Why do you have to go direct from family childcare to full-time, paid-for childcare? Isn't there a compromise here - half nursery/half family?

Also if you can't drop to part-time, what about your husband? Why do you think only you can apply for flexible working or a secondment - what about him?

You sound as if you have a very negative attitude to SAHM so I would worry that you will go into it with a negative attitude which will become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Original poster

MathildaF · 05/10/2015 13:14

Thank you all so very much!

My parents have been looking after my son but they are going to spend a
year in Australia from January where my brother lives and has recently had a baby, that's why they won't be around to provide further childcare.

I honestly think being a SAHM would be really wonderful - it just seems to good to be true, hence my apparently negative comments. I suppose I have worked for so long it just seems weird.

I could really fight for part time but there would be a huge amount of pressure to perform.

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Oly5 · 05/10/2015 18:43

I think only you can make this decision. I work full time and don't need the money, but i would hate being a SAHM. It would bore me silly! But I do like my job and o really don't want to step away from a career. Who knows if I'll ever get another professional job?
But only you can decide. If you really hate work and really want to stay at home, there's your answer!

BikeRunSki · 05/10/2015 21:09

You can afford it, you hate work, you think it'd be wonderful to be a SAHM. I don't see what the dilemma is really?

Vinorosso74 · 05/10/2015 21:31

I quit my job last year just before my DD started school (job and school hols were going to be impossible). There were other reasons to do with the job and I wasn't happy at all.
We are a bit worse off financially but no childcare costs now. However, our flat is less messy/mucky, I have been able to spend more time with DD and listen to her read, take her to park etc. Mentallly I'm in a better place.
People to think I'm lazing around but my days are busy and we have weekends as a family.

DitheringDiva · 05/10/2015 22:01

Your attitude sounds like mine when I decided to be a SAHM. I'd always worked full-time, and basically just felt really guilty about packing in work and 'just' looking after my DD. I just couldn't get my head round the idea of it at all. I felt like I ought to be earning money and working, even though my husband didn't mind what I did, he earns a very good wage, and we have no mortgage. I was hating my job, and in the end, certain issues arose at work which brought things to a head, and I packed in. It is the BEST life decision I've ever made!! I was worried about getting bored, but I've never been bored - I've taught myself 2 programming languages and learnt to write apps while I've been off (I needed something to occupy my brain, or I would've gone mad - but there's so much you can learn, for free, on the internet - foreign languages, musical instrument etc.). My DD is at school now, and I still haven't gone back! I do toy with the idea of going back to work (very part-time, temporary ideally!), but it's always because I feel guilty because I'm basically just doing what I want all day, instead of working like everyone else has to do. I think I must have been brought up with a very strong protestant work ethic that I just can't shake off, although my sister doesn't seem to have it, so don't know where I get it from.

tribpot · 05/10/2015 22:08

Personally I wouldn't give up work - just as well as I have no choice, my DH is too ill to work.

If your current role doesn't allow for part-time, what about other roles?

Original poster

MathildaF · 06/10/2015 00:33

Wow, thanks everyone - these posts are so helpful. DitheringDiva - know just what you mean re work ethic! Giving up would be a culture shock! A wonderful one that I can't stop thinking about... (although DC was not at all happy to see me when I got home tonight and am now wondering if he'd prefer I stay at work!!)

Btw, I know this is such a 'first world problem' and totally appreciate my situation. tribpot, I'm sorry to hear your husband is not well.

OP posts:

tribpot · 06/10/2015 07:48

It is a first world problem but it is a serious one. There will be long term ramifications on your career - probably not so much if you're out for a couple of years but increasingly so. I would urge anyone considering giving up work to look at the five or ten year picture - that doesn't mean giving up is the wrong choice by any means, but it is easy to look only at the here-and-now (often that salary + childcare = 0) and make a decision that doesn't factor in the long term.

It sounds as if your ds is currently in full-time childcare but of a different sort, provided by your parents (in your home?). What about a live out au pair?

And by the way, just because your boss is used to having a nanny doesn't mean you aren't entitled to ask for flexible working, it's 2015.

IrenetheQuaint · 06/10/2015 07:51

If you gave up for a year or two, would you be able to get back in again easily?

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