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Workplace bitching - how much do you tolerate? How do you deal with it?

9 replies

chchchchchangees · 24/09/2015 18:27

I started a new job 6 months ago.

It's a very intense job, parts of it are really difficult due to the nature of the people we work with (ex-offenders).

Overall it's a rewarding job but it's no picnic.

Because it's a very on-the-job job colleagues don't see all that much of each other, this means that we don't have that many team meetings and everyone has their own ways of working.

There are also lots of new team members.

All of this inevitably means that mistakes are sometimes made - not serious mistakes, but little things like a certain form should have been filled out and someone forgot or someone forgot/didn't do X or Y new thing because they weren't at the meeting where everyone agreed that was how it was going to be done from now on.

Ok. So everyone is generally lovely and very supportive. But there's one member of staff who is always slagging off other people. Whenever I'm near her she's moaning that someone has or hasn't done some thing - usually something that actually a lot of people aren't aware is a 'new' thing.

Now I accept that a lot of this comes from poor communication from management but she is so very quick to point the finger of blame at colleagues and criticise people behind their backs (then keeps her mouth shut to their faces).

I think it's highly unprofessional and creates and atmosphere where people are afraid to ask for help or advice, afraid to seek help when they've made a small mistake and it just makes for a horrible environment when you're second guessing yourself in case she's found some ammunition.

She's been there forever, though, she's very 'inner circle'. However, I've had a titful of it and I'm bordering on speaking to management about it. I've never, ever been in a situation like this in a workplace before but it's really getting me down and I don't see why we should have to put up with someone consistently tearing down other staff, particularly when we do a really difficult job in tough circumstances.

Am I over reacting or should I say something?

OP posts:
chchchchchangees · 24/09/2015 18:41

anyone? Not sure if chat was the right place to put this but I don't know where the best place would be..

OP posts:
MingZillas · 24/09/2015 18:46

I hate this. I found at my work that if I changed the subject with the person who was doing the bitching, she got the message that there was no point talking to me slagging people off as I wasn't interested.
Some people are just knob heads.

Everstrong · 24/09/2015 18:52

There's one in every workplace!

The individual at my place of work happens to be friends with one of our senior managers so no use complaining.

I find changing the subject when she starts or just shrugging and saying "oh well" stops her in her tracks.

Fwiw, she has a reputation for being a nasty person as there isn't a single person she doesn't slag off so we just laugh it off now.

leadrightfoot · 24/09/2015 18:54

I have used the "oh so you are whinging about others behind their back again but not offering to help? Not a very colleagic work ethic" line with a slight wry smile.

If that hadn't worked I would have tried the "please stop complaining about people when clearly it is the system is broken. so in your experience what can done done to fix it?"

Then "goodness I dread to think what you say about me when I am not around" followed with a complaint to her manager.

ImperialBlether · 24/09/2015 18:55

It's really important in your situation that morale is high. There are enough problems with the job itself without staff making things worse. I would take it further and complain. A bad attitude is something to complain about.

chchchchchangees · 24/09/2015 19:12

Thanks all. I'm not sure it'll be in my interests to challenge her. Staff can be a bit cliquey and I think if I lock horns with her I'll be frozen out by others - I won't be able to do the job in those circumstances, staff really do need to be able to de-brief with each other.

Imperial - you've totally hit the nail on the head. I think you can put up with most things (we get assaulted fairly frequently) if you feel you are part of a team who have your back.

There are good days and bad days but the bad days are made unbearable by the thought that there's probably someone there sticking the knife in on top of it all.

I've not worked in this sector before so the culture is quite new to me, but jobs I've worked in in the past people haven't been as unprofessional as this.

OP posts:
chchchchchangees · 24/09/2015 20:52

MNHQ please could you move this to employment issues?

OP posts:
BeccaMumsnet · 25/09/2015 11:18

Hi chchchchchangees - we'll pop this over there now.

WeAllHaveWings · 25/09/2015 18:45

Every office Ive worked in has one of these, I usually respond with a "we are all human, I've made some corkers in my time", or "that very unlike xxxx she's really good at yyyyy I'll find out if she knows about that", or something similar.

Always with a smile, then change subject. They eventually stop it, at least in my earshot.

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